Blargh.

Nikki came over today, which was fun, and we spent 3 hours playing dark cloud. Now I think my head's gonna explode...

Random thought: fanfiction.net is fun.

Tomorrow I really really need to get some homework done. If I don't... it'll be bad... Uh... yeah.

I just noticed I have a new mousepad. It's green, and got one of those squishy things at the bottom for your wrist to rest on. I guess mum must have put it there. Hooray.

The thing that hurts the most is when someone stops caring about you. Sometimes it's mutual but even then you wonder where you lost touch with them, when you stopped noticing, when you stopped caring. It hurts not to care. It's worse, though, when you think someone else doesn't care anymore, and you still do, but you can't express it. That's the worst thing, really, isn't it? And when you feel that you should be able to express it, and don't know why you can't. And don't understand why that person doesn't care anymore. So, it's the fear of being forgotten that haunts us. How could someone forget, when you have not forgotten them? And to love someone, in a way, and know they don't love you anymore. That maybe they once did, but now, you're unimportant, just a fragment of a memory that he'll never look back on again.

And even if you don't know that you'll be forgotten, the fear creeps in. And you can't contain it... That's what it is. Everytime you love someone, everytime you care, and are cared for in return, you know that you will someday be forgotten. Whether they die and forget you in death. Or you die, and they find a new love. Or they move far away and forget you along with the rest of their old life. Or you move, and they remember only those close to them. Or even if you don't have the same lunch period, and you don't ever get to talk anymore, and then you see them in the hall three months later, and you feel like dying inside. Because it's almost a certainty: they don't care. Because it would hurt them too much to still care. So you don't even say hi when you see each other, just deny the importance that either one ever had to the other. And you wonder if you ever really mattered at all, or whether you were ever worth mattering. And you can never speak to that person again, because you know you don't matter anymore and it hurts too much...

Anyway, that's enough rambling for one night. I went to bed too late yesterday (one in the morning) and since I wanted to wake up early today I think I'll go to bed now...

Well, I've gone and bought two more cds. This time it's Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, and Cure - Show, which is live stuff... But, yeah, I don't know, we went out to dinner and then to borders and I wanted to buy some music. So I bought this.

Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots

1. Fight Test
2. One More Robot/Sympathy 3000-21
3. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots pt.1
4. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots pt.2
5. In The Morning of the Magicians
6. Ego Tripping At the Gates of Hell
7. Are You A Hypnotist??
8. It's Summertime
9. Do You Realize??
10. All We Have Is Now
11. Approaching Pavonis Mons By Balloon (Utopia Planitia)

show

1. open
2. high
3. pictures of you
4. lullaby
5. just like heaven
6. a night like this
7. trust
8. doing the unstuck
9. friday i'm in love
10. inbetween days
11. from the edge of the deep green sea
12. never enough
13. cut
14. end

Original capitalization preserved, and everything.

current mp3: home - dishwalla

Blech. My mom's going through something of a crisis lately, and I can identify all too well. She's procrastinated everything and she's so far behind, and she's afraid because it's so much. She pushes it away with playing games, but really, she has to get it done, and when there are distractions it just hurts her. It's painful to start doing the things she has to do, but once she gets over the initial pain, it's ok. But every time she gets interrupted, she has to go through the pain all over again, and she can't take it, so she doesn't do anything.

So, for the past few days I've kind of been restricted from making noise, and such. But really... I'm doing the same thing as mom is. I don't do any homework because it's so painful for me to start it, and I know that I'll always get distracted in the middle, by something... So I don't do it at all, and things start looming over my head, and then I run from them even more. So, yeah, it sucks. At least I know where I get it from, though.

But, apparently I've lost my comp sci homework that I was supposed to do over break. Which sucks. Blech. So, that's kind of depressing. And then there's all the other stuff, the history (5 chapters of von laue) and the spanish (I'm probably missing half the assignments for third quarter) and the science (I still haven't finished the chapter 5 problems, much less chapters 16 and 17) and the lit (I really need to work on that bloody lit paper) and everything else. And it just gets tiresome...

current mp3: pop - la oreja de van gogh

Today's Claire's birthday...

Yesterday was the first official day of spring break, I guess. All I've done so far is play final fantasy, surf the net, and on monday I hung out with Nikki. We went to the game store near target (what is it called? Game Stop?) and saw Nick... Odd. I'm not used to running into people I know outside of school.

This is a lovely song. I heard it on a plane to Mexico last Christmas (not this year, 2001) and I found my notes on it the other day. I had written down all these spanish songs that I'd heard and liked. Like Arrasando by Thalia and Suerte by Shakira... But I thought I'd download some. So, I'm liking these guys, the ear of van gogh.

I thought I had more to say, but I can't remember it now...