finally done with college apps

Wow... a whole 23 hours before they're due!

a return to normality normalcy

Noooooooooo! I was going to call, I remembered even, but we watched a movie. And I was too dumb to figure out that it would end so late. Probably doesn't help that we watched the special features... Yep, that's right, I just watched Star Trek: Nemesis. Hooray.

Today I drove for an hour and 15 minutes, so I'm that much closer to my license. I really hope I get it before March, when my permit expires (again). So many hours left...

We have our doggie back (my hoodie is completely covered in fur) and things are finally getting back to normal. Since I got absolutely no work done last week, I'm going to have to crack down starting tomorrow. Aaargh.

home sweet home

Well, I'm back from my travels in Phoenix. I experienced the joys of LOTR, Arcosanti, bad food, better food, Adaptation, souvenir shopping, botanical gardens, cacti, christmas bushes, wet suits, water, art galleries, Scottsdale, picture-taking, the Mystery Castle, and more. Stuff happened, it was enjoyable, but now I'm tired and I'm going to go to bed.

Soylent Green is people!

It kind of makes me hate his mom. It's like when my dad takes a fatalist attitude about IB. He doesn't think I'm going to pull it off, so he asks me if I really need to do all the crap I'm doing. I have a hard enough time trying to deal with it without him telling me it's pointless... Of course, thanks to my combative nature (which I got from him, what do you know), I find myself making excuses to do the work, to do the extended essay or the ib exams, and I end up believing them myself.

I don't see why you can't just take out loans. If I were in the same situation, I'd ask how much my mom would be willing to spend max. Then, if I could get the rest of it in loans and scholarships, why would I have to go to a particular school? Maybe it's just college, but if you settle for something you don't want now, how do you know you won't do it again in the future? What about your first job? Your second? Your career? Your life? OK, so maybe that doesn't make much sense... but too bad. But ignore what I just said, anyways, because I'm not in the same position, and I don't have to worry about money being a criterion for college choice, because my parents will support me in whatever school I choose. Note, however, that I'm not applying to Harvard or Yale, and Boulder remains one of my top choices.

Well, other than the more icky stuff, I must say that:

- taco bell is cool, in all of its ghetto glory
- Paul Simon is awesome
- Soylent Green is one of the cheesiest movies. EVER
- I find the strangest things sexy
- trivial pursuit should be played more often
- Eric remains awesome
- riding in other people's cars is hella fun

Dude, I brought my camera, but being a dumbass, forgot to take pictures of the people I don't have any pictures of, and wanted most. Not strictly true; I at least got Srav. Oh, and Chris, at lunch. But still. Damn.

and even better

I forgot to mention... I have new dice now. They're purty.

almost there...

Okay, so wearing earrings today was not such a good idea. Ow...

I felt surprisingly attractive for having tangled strands of neon orange plastic clumped around me.

So, missing Wednesday. That might hurt me in terms of the math test on Friday. I'm not going to be at all prepared. I haven't done any of the homework for it. Normally I'd have spent tonight working on that, but instead (dun dun dun) I worked on the stupid math ia. Still not done. I have the urge to stab it to death. Either that or turn it in incomplete. Stupid thing.

I wonder if anything's happening tomorrow?

When I leave on Sunday, I'm going to have to bring all my homework. Dammit. Let's see what I should do over break:

- finish my extended essay
- finish the writing sections on college apps
- do sections a & b on the dossier
- do the comp sci ib sl practice test / semester final
- do all the horrible cas paperwork
- write out the italy, germany, and spain parts of the history final

and, most importantly,

- watch lord of the rings
- hang out with nikki
- get my photos developed
- play more M:tG
- if possible, play more D&D

That should do it. Maybe.

I'm gonna bring my digital camera to school tomorrow. I'm done with the black and white, but I still want pictures of people. Hooray. I just like taking pictures of people, it's a way of recording my memories. I have a pretty bad time of it just trying to remember things now. Pictures will help a lot when I'm older and even more absent-minded.

tamarrah, tamarrah, I love ya, tamarrah, yer only a day awaaaaaiiiiiy!

sneeze

urk... I feel sickly... methinks I have a cold.

Mom's pretty sure she has the flu. Meh.

Knowledge Bowl this week was sad. There were all of five people there. And three pizzas.

I really really really can't wait for school to be over. Even though it means my destruction. The math ia, the physics hw, the history test, the extended essay, the history ia, the cas, the dossier, the horror.

I guess I'm supposed to wear something eye-catching for Thursday, for Amnesty International. Meh. I don't have any extravagant clothing. I don't feel very creative either.

Tomorrow I get to sleep in! Hooray!

Sunday I'm leaving for Phoenix, and I don't get back till the following Sunday... I guess the second week I'll be doing much homework. Especially the extended essay, since I'm going to have Parsons look at it... on friday! Wow, that's not even a school day. It's 'cause I'm so dedicated to this essay, you see. Not really. He's like, "How about I look it over during break?" So, yeah.

Dad's home with ice cream now... hooray. I must go devour junk food.

sweetness...

sushipartybox.com

d'oh!

dahhh... my dad yelled at me around 9 for not doing my hw, so I went and cowered... But, meh, I remember now, and I feel bad, and I missed out. *looks at clock* Yeah, not going to work, now is it? Dangit. Hopefully there's tomorrow. If not... I'll be sad.

I've been working on my extended essay. I keep reading more about Kant, and realizing I've screwed up in my approximation of his philosophy, and having to rewrite my paper... but hey, it works.

Yesterday was insane. I didn't actually get to play, even though I stayed at Alex's until, what, eleven? I don't know, that seems kind of sad, that we weren't even ready to play until after eleven. There were too many people there, though, which kind of added to the slowness. I don't know, every time I talk to Lisa, I feel like she's high, or something, even though I'm sure she's not. Oh, and Ned's lost my communist catalogue. Too bad. Not like I was particularly attached to the thing... Oh, but, I feel kind of bad for smushing snow in Eric's hair, but hey, he deserved it...

Ok, I know it makes no sense, but you'll just have to deal.

I want more glass candy.

Almost Winter Break! Yes!! Although that is an indicator that assignments are looming... *contemplates the important CAS meeting she missed*

From Kant's "On the Proverb: That May be True in Theory, But is of No Practical Use", 1793:

The complete equality of men as subjects in a nation is completely consistent with the greatest inequality in the quantity and degree of possessions they have, whether these be physical or mental superiority over others, or fortuitously acquired external goods, or, to speak generally, rights (of which there can be many) with respect to others. And, thus, the welfare of one very much depends on the will of another (that of the poor on that of the rich) � Nonetheless, as regards right�they are as subjects all equal to one another. For no one can coerce anyone else except through public law�but through this everyone else can resist him in the same way; no one can lose this authority to coerce�others except by breaking the law; and no one can renounce this right, i.e, no one can make a contract or perform some rightful act whereby he has no rights but only duties, for in so doing he would rob himself of the right to make a contract and would consequently cancel the contract itself.

From this idea of the equality of men as subjects in the commonwealth also comes this formula: Every member of the commonwealth must be permitted to attain any degree of status (to which a subject can aspire) to which his talent, his industry, and his luck may bring him; and his fellow subjects may not block his way by [appealing to] hereditary prerogatives (as the privilege belonging to a particular class) and thereby eternally hinder him and his descendants� no person can bequeath to his descendants the privilege of status he has within the commonwealth; nor, consequently, can anyone forcibly prevent them from attaining by virtue of their own merit even higher steps in the hierarchy� A person may bequeath everything else as long as it is material (and does not pertain to his person), for it can be acquired and disposed of by him as property, and thus a sequence of generations can bring about considerable inequality in financial circumstances among the members of a commonwealth (between wage earners and employers, and land-owners and agricultural workers, etc.). But a person is prevented from hindering others when their talent, industry, and good fortune make it possible for them to rise to circumstances equal to his. Otherwise a person would have to be able to coerce without being subject to coercive resistance from others, and that goes beyond the status of a fellow-subject. Except through some transgression of his own, no person who lives in the state of right obtaining in a commonwealth can lose this equality� for there is no act (neither his own nor that of another) that conforms with right whereby he can terminate his possession of himself and thus enter into the class of domestic animals, which can be used in any capacity one desires and can be kept in that state without their consent as long as one pleases, even given the restrictions (which is sometimes sanctioned by religion, as among the Indians) not to disfigure or kill them. A person�s state can be regarded as fortunate if only he is aware that his failure to rise to status equal to that of others is due to himself alone (his abilities or earnestness of will) or to circumstances for which he can blame no one else, and not because of the irresistible will of another. For in regard to rights, a person�s fellow-subjects in the commonwealth have no advantage over him.

ow

...my back hurts.

Snow can be evil. My dad's work is 15 minutes away, and it took him an hour and a half to get home.

D&D was very fun.

I saw quite a few people in the halls today. Nodded to Katsnelson - twice. Nodded at Chris. Talked to Nick. Was annoyed by Garrett. Talked to Ann. Walked with Greg (d'oh... no more car... how sad). Exchanged a few sentences with Ned. Said hi to Joey, I believe. Said hi to Corey. Avoided Baylee's glare of death. (I'm sorry I stole your fries!) Was accosted by Droege (ok, not really, he said hello to me). Asked the evil Ms. Kelley how she was doing (oh god, the horrors of middle school). I could have sworn there were more of them... they just keep coming. It's a good thing, though.

I need to, one of these days, do some homework.

Since I can't concentrate on researching for my EE:
http://pages.prodigy.net/scifi20/essay9+5.htm

the college applications from hell

Hey, it's better than doing homework.

Oh, by the way: my launchcast station. Behold.

I reused my Merit Scholarship essay on the Boulder application. Mwahaha! It didn't even require an essay... How sad. But I'm planning on applying to U Chicago and Northwestern too (they don't require SAT II's - hooray!), and they require a crapload of essays. Northwestern wants an essay, approximately 300 words on why you want to go there, and four short paragraph questions, such as "What's a movie you're embarassed of liking?" Ummm... And then Chicago wants a paragraph on why you want to go there ("How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future?") and a paragraph on your favorite books, plays, etc. And an essay. But the topics are strange:

1. "One of the very nicest things about life," as Luciano Pavarotti once said, "is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating." Pavarotti, in all of his well-fed wisdom, suggests that eating and meals are a separate kind of activity � often a break from the work and play of life. Yet food and meals sustain our lives in many ways every day. Tell us about an ordinary food or meal that may seem mundane to the rest of the world but holds special meaning for you. Think about how the food is prepared, packaged, or served and by whom. Do you eat it in a distinctive manner? At a special time? In a certain place or with select company? Most importantly, explain how this everyday food sustains or satisfies you in a way that another food or meal could not.



2. If you could balance on a tightrope, over what landscape would you walk? (No net.)



3. In his autobiography A Long Walk to Freedom, Nelson Mandela writes, "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." Tell us about an unchanging place to which you have returned. In what way has the place never changed? How does its constancy reveal changes in you?



4. Albert Einstein once said, "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science." Propose your own original theory to explain one of the sixteen mysteries below. Your theory does not need to be testable or even probable; however, it should provide some laws, principles, and/or causes to explain the facts, phenomena, or existence of one of these mysteries. You can make your theory artistic, scientific, conspiracy-driven, quantum, fanciful, or otherwise ingenious � but be sure it is your own and gives us an impression of how you think about the world.
   
   Love, Crop Circles, Time Travel, Numbers, Non-Dairy Creamer, The Platypus, Language, Mona Lisa�s Smile, Sleep and Dreams, The Beginning of Everything, The End of Everything, The College Rankings in U.S. News & World Report, Gray, Art, The Roanoke Colony, Consciousness



5. Take as a model the students who inspired Options 1�4 as you pose and respond to an uncommon prompt of your own. If your prompt is original and thoughtful, then you should have little trouble writing a great essay. Draw on your best qualities as a writer, thinker, visionary, social critic, sage, sensible woman or man, citizen of the world, or future citizen of the University of Chicago; take a little risk and have fun.

So, basically, there're 4 topics, and then if you want to do #5 you have to be all CREATIVE. Blech. Ok, not really, but it requires way too much brain power than I can give right now. I'm most interested in number 4, but I'm kind of tempted by number 2. I'd walk over an abyss, yo. Hahahaha. Not really. Oh, just go read Zarathustra, you ignorant fools.

I'm mostly annoyed with all the crap they want me to print out and have teachers/counselors fill out. Speaking of my counselor, she's only known me for, what, 3 months? Course, I'm kind of glad Watkins isn't filling out the recommendations, she creeped me out. Don't know exactly why.

thinking

current song: end of a century - blur

Odd.

The snake is the woman, the mouse is the man, and she has taken his life away and consumed him. He will never escape her. There will never be another mouse...

I want these, in purple.

Somehow things seem sharper. Like the crispness of a photograph when the background is entirely out of focus. It makes the subject seem that much clearer, cleaner, more important. I guess I'm just in one of those "moods". It's nice. I enjoy thinking about things.

comment, damn you

I've now added a tagboard. So... ha! Or something.

already sick of the layout

...so here's a (kind of) new one.

guilt attacks

I ate a string cheese yesterday, and thought of Nathan...

And I snuck into Parsons' mobile and was poking around (I was bored, ok?), and I saw a yellow legal pad with his handwriting. So I picked it up and started reading. I wasn't really thinking about it, until a page fell out and what I was doing hit me. I felt really terrible. I mean, he's shown me some of his stuff before, and he had given it to Parsons, but it's still private, and he didn't know I was looking at it, and he didn't let me. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I stopped reading, but that doesn't really help. So I felt really bad, and I feel bad, and I don't know what to do about it.

If I had seen him, I would have given him a string cheese for his birthday.

Friday is going to be so awesome. I was worried we'd never get to play, but apparently the nerds are interested after all. Hooray! And there certainly are a lot of them.

I'm glad to report that Taifur knows my first name. Sometimes I worry that they think of me as "that weird girl who sits at our lunch table but never says anything." I suppose they could still think that, but just know my name in addition... Oh, well, never mind.

Everybody's been sick lately. I considered bringing a box of kleenex to school, Eric's been stealing Shivani's pocket kleenex because there's no kleenex boxes in the math classroom. The flu's been going around, Dad's getting sick, and Nikki's recovering from her near-fatal sinus infection and asthma attacks. Yeesh.