graduated.

Depressed.

I seem to have fallen into a funk. Apparently my internship can only be extended for 30 days past the date of my graduation. So, I have a lot less time than I thought I did. It's really hard to get myself to do anything. I've been ADD and every time I start working on something, I get distracted.

I'm also sort of pessimistic about my job prospects right now. It takes a lot of effort to go job hunting. The two interviews I've done so far didn't go very well, and I'm only really interested in one of the two jobs. It will take a lot more effort on my part to find open companies. And because my internship is only going through early June, I now have a much more open schedule than I thought I did. I guess this should be a good thing, but right now it doesn't really feel like it.

I think I tend to write in my blog only when I'm depressed. It's sort of a source of comfort to splat out my worries and doubts onto a web page. But, that's not to say that my life has been terrible lately. Pretty much from around my birthday through Mother's Day (almost a month) I've had it pretty good. My birthday was wonderful. I've been very busy, in a good way.

I think my first doubts started cropping up a couple of weeks before graduation. I've had a hard time at work ever since I found out that I probably won't get hired on when my internship ends. While I was in Boston, something I had been looking forward to for over a month, I kept swinging between delight and depression. On the one hand, I enjoyed hanging out with Stirling and her relatives, meeting the Game Dev team from AZ, making friends with the guys from UT, traipsing around Boston, and riding the train. On the other hand, the competition was exhausting, and I realized that I just wasn't excited enough about our project. It caused friction in our group and made me not want to be there.

It made me realize how important it is that I not do things half-heartedly. Any time when I don't truly believe in what I'm doing, I find it incredibly hard to keep motivated. This is true for imagine cup, just as it's true for work, lately. The problem now is figuring out what I can do to become passionate about something again...