hallelujah.

happy chanukah, to all who care. it's the second day of it. since the sun's set and all. but, i just got my present from bubbi. bubbi = grandma, just so you know. but, i got a $25 gift certificate for borders. really, the best thing about hanukah (i have different spellings of it, don't mind me) is that it's before christmas, so you get your present(s) earlier. yay. um, yeah.

well... um...

shalom.

there. i'm done.

current mp3: belle and sebastian - belle and sebastian don't mind that my current mp3 changes so much... i don't know why i put it up there even, really. it's really just the mp3 i'm listening to when i start my blog. it does kinda affect my mood though, because music affects my mood. not the other way around, in case you were thinking i put the mp3 up there that best corresponded to my mood. but NEVERMIND. oh, but i seem to have lost one of my paul simon albums. aaargh. because, i have this one cd, "negotiations and love songs", which has 'diamonds on the soles of her shoes' on it. and i wanted to listen to that, cuz apparently it says something about "bodegas" in it, but i don't remember. it's ok though. mebbe i should get an actual album of his. see, that one is a compilation cd, and i have this "thing" about buying best-of albums. they annoy me. but yeah... it's weird, because i bought the blur best of (mostly for the live cd and the three tracks i didn't own, and because nikki had it and i didn't...) and i have the u2 best of (but then i don't really love them anyway) and john lennon solo work best of (but my mum bought that anyway, and i seem to have lost it) ... but yeah. and i need to buy more actual albums. it's a funny thing though, i pride myself on the fact that i don't own any singles. why that's something to be proud of, i don't rightly know. it's ok. oh, i'm gonna look up aichi ka nai wa... be right back... ok, this is what i got from babelfish: As for meeting chi serving. how very strange.

current mp3: sleep together - garbage

eh. wow. i'm really starting to hate this history packet. it's 60 pages of reading. blech. so i did the reading but the trouble is i don't get any credit unless i answer the questions. bloody hell. you mean i have to go back through the packet?!

i've been working on my website and i'm already bored. and i wonder why i never put up websites.

but now i think i'll go through my program for comp sci and figure out what's wrong with it. it's supposed to output a calendar for the year. here, i'll even put up what i have so far, just for your especial enjoyment:

// this program is supposed to take the year
// and the day of the week of jan. 1, and print
// a calendar for the year

#include <iostream>
#include <string>    // for stuff using strings
#include <iomanip>   // for formatting

using namespace std;

void Calendar (int, int, string, int&);

int main()
{
   int day;
   int year;

   int jan = 31;
   int feb = 28;
   int mar = 31;
   int apr = 30;
   int may = 31;
   int jun = 30;
   int jul = 31;
   int aug = 31;
   int sep = 30;
   int oct = 31;
   int nov = 30;
   int dec = 31;

   int nextday;

   cout << "What day of the week is January 1st on? (1 for Sunday, 2 for Monday, etc.) ";
   cin >> day;

   cout << "What year is it? ";
   cin >> year;

   if ( (year % 4) == 0 )
      feb++;

   Calendar (jan, day, "January", nextday);
   Calendar (feb, nextday, "February", nextday);
   Calendar (mar, nextday, "March", nextday);
   Calendar (apr, nextday, "April", nextday);
   Calendar (may, nextday, "May", nextday);
   Calendar (jun, nextday, "June", nextday);
   Calendar (jul, nextday, "July", nextday);
   Calendar (aug, nextday, "August", nextday);
   Calendar (sep, nextday, "September", nextday);
   Calendar (oct, nextday, "October", nextday);
   Calendar (nov, nextday, "November", nextday);
   Calendar (dec, nextday, "December", nextday);

   return 0;
}

void Calendar (int num, int day, string month, int& nextday)
{
   cout << month << endl;
   cout << "----------" << endl;
   cout << " S  M  T  W  T  F  S " << endl;

   int count = 1;

   while (num >= count)
   {
      // placeholders:
      if (day == 7)
         cout << "  .  .  .  .  .  . "; // six day spaces
      else if (day == 6)
         cout << "  .  .  .  .  . "; // five day spaces
      else if (day == 5)
         cout << "  .  .  .  . "; // four day spaces
      else if (day == 4)
         cout << "  .  .  . "; // three day spaces
      else if (day == 3)
         cout << "  .  . "; // two day spaces
      else if (day == 2)
         cout << "  . "; // one day space

      while (day <= 7 && num >= count)
      {
         cout << setw(2) << count << " ";
         count++;
         day++;
      }

      if (num < count)
      {
         if (day <= 7)
            nextday = day;
         else if (day == 8)
            nextday = 1;
      }

      cout << endl;
      day = 1;
   }

   cout << endl;
}

oh, wait... um, i already found a bug and fixed it. but yeah. so, maybe it works now. aargh. it's ok, at least i found an error. and if anybody else finds another error, then hey! that's even better. i guess.

eh. anyways...

*yawn* off to bed.

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well, my website is going ok so far. nikki should be here soon. yay. we get to listen to matchbox 20! and perhaps i'll torture her with belle and sebastian... mwahaha.

wai! this is cool! next step: put up a website. ok, here's my plan: 5 main pages....

1. piccies (of dog, family, friends, stuffed animals...)
2. sounds? (lyrics of songs i like. mp3 of the week? or would that be too illegal? info about my favorite bands)
3. info (permanent home for profiles of my friends, family, etc. and me, that might be good.)
4. learning center (this might be fun... a place to put up nifty code samples, either from comp sci class or html stuff i learn on my own)
5. links (a permanent, separate links page)

this is in progress, but so far that's what i want to put up. oh, and i'll link to this blog. hmm, but i should do my history packet first, before my mum yells at me. and nikki's coming over (yay!) so i won't be able to devote the whole day to this project. and one also mustn't forget asheron's call and kingdom hearts. hehehe. ^.^ -- saa, ja! ¡os amo a todos vosotros!

sweet...

does it work?

happy thanksgiving!

current mp3: the state i am in aaargh. my mum has challenged me to a race. we both read and do one of my history packets, as fast as possible. i guess it's a better motivation than just doing it by myself, normally, but... i still don't want to do it! i'm having fun learning about css, though. it doesn't work in really old browsers and there are some strange browsers that only understand bits, so you have to be selective in your coding. oh, and now i'm installing netscape so i can see what my site looks like in that browser. who knows, maybe this'll be fun.

oh, i know. i want to make a webpage. not a blog, a webpage, where i can put up pics and stuff. i think i'll revamp (is that even a word? is it the word i want?) my site at geocities. so, that's my goal for this weekend. cool.

i think that me, myself, and i, am selfish. if i weren't, i'd talk about other things on my blog, right? but no. i don't think it's that rare though, most people don't talk about other things. so does this prove my point that human nature is basically selfish? not necessarily. it depends on what the other people are writing about. and if they have a reason to think about themselves exclusively, without making them selfish. or if they talk about others in a way that denotes that they care more about others than themselves. but, is it really necessary to love others more than yourself, to not be selfish? are their other ways of not being selfish? or is it "selfish" that i'm thinking of? maybe self-centered? in that you think about your self mostly? or self-love, which, really, shouldn't everyone have anyway? it's called confidence. and that obviously is not particularly common, as most people have low self esteem. and it doesn't apply to me, because i don't have much confidence... eh. wait a while. i need to figure this out... aargh, my brain hurts!

current mp3: romantic / 3rd part - bruckner

yeah, i'm listening to a symphony. the title is in german and very long and confusing. it's: iii. scherzo, bewegt - trio. nicht zu schnell. keinesfalls schleppend - scherzo. wow, lovely.

hmm, more pensive thoughts. i mean, i have it pretty good, don't i? don't i have everything i need or want? i'm utterly spoiled. i don't have medical problems. i'm doing alright in school. my parents are cool, for the most part. i have friends. i understand things. i don't have to deal with the stress of a job or of driving or owning a car or paying my taxes or planning for college, even, because i've already pretty much decided i'm going to boulder. i've seen the campus and it's very nice actually.

so why do i think i'm unhappy when of all people i have the least reason to be so? how do all of my friends deal with the pain of their lives, when i am miserable with what i have? and how can i call myself unhappy? do i even have the right?

i should be grateful for what i have, no? so why do i see myself as being more despairing than my friends? how can i ignore their pain? am i not a good person, to not be able to see that? or is it their choice to not show it? should i also put on a happy front? it doesn't matter anyway because people don't seem to expect me to be happy. they might ask me what's wrong (rarely) and they are never surprised if i seem upset. is it my own selfishness that's dragging me down? but isn't it man's nature to be selfish?

this blog is definitely messed up. it switches from talking about completely insignificant piddling issues to deep philosophical questions? what the heck? oh, well. in a way, that's like me. i always switch from the meaningless instances of happiness to the deep wellsprings of depression. isn't that the way life is? if you think about the big issues, you'll only be disappointed? and that it's better to get your joy from the seemingly insignificant things that make up everyday life?

eh, forget it, i'm just nuts.

still, you can't help but wonder...

oh, i almost forgot. i went to albertson's on the way back. of course, i saw ryan... but the weirdest thing. i saw matt. uh, the sophomore. also, the one who doesn't know me. so, i've seen his website and heard a bit about him from baylee and blogs and such, so i was able to recognize him. so, i'm in the store (we ended up getting behind him in the checkout line) and i'm thinking, "i know that kid! i know that kid! look! look!" and also knowing that he has no bloody clue as to who i am. but it was weirdly fascinating, to think that i knew this kid and he didn't know me. it didn't make me feel lonely (as many things do) but almost the opposite. which was, well, weird. but cool too i guess. mostly weird though. (oh, and i tell nikki this and she wants to know who he is, so i direct her to the pictures on his website. and she has declared that he is "cute". she also slavered over his bowlcut. me and nikki, we got a thing for bowlcuts.)

woohoo. hallelujah. i was playing ac2, but it crashed. lovely.

so, now i'm writing on my blog instead.

wow, this was a fascinating weekend. definitely.

there was, of course, the movie on friday. wonderful. though me mummy hated it, despised it, abhorred it, etc. she hates the kid who plays harry. and i must admit, i cheer much more for the bad guys in the movie than i do in the book. they're just so charismatic... you gotta love 'em! but harry does occasionally even get on my nerves just cuz the ending is so utterly sappy it makes you want to puke. and i can't believe that he's sincere when he grins etc.

anyways... so, yeah. and saturday was fun too. an extension of me mum's birthday, we went out to eat at red lobster for dinner, then to costco and best buy and linens'n'things. and on sunday (that would be today) we went to cherry creek and the mall... ate at ca pizza kitchen, bought another copy of asheron's call 2 (so me and daddy could play with mum), looked at sharper image and harry and david's and sam goody, fixed my parent's remote for their bed (that's right, they have a remote-controlled bed), then went home. and i finished my homework.

let's see how this layout is. not very much different, but it is a lil bit more sophisticated, cuz i had to fiddle around with it for a long time before i got what i wanted. so i say it's more sophisticated. that way i don't feel bad about the fact that i just wasted hours of fiddling on something pointless.

eeheehee! asheron's call 2 is SO COOL!

current mp3: leave - matchbox 20 well, today was mum's birthday. i hope she liked it. she saw harry potter and hated it, just like the first one. she's loved all the books but she hates the movie harry. i've been thinking. it's nice to think, sometimes, when it doesn't hurt you too much or make you angry. but, i've been thinking, it's really hard to open up to somebody. and everyone puts on their masks in front of everybody else. inside we're all the same, soft and vulnerable and unhappy. we all want more than we have and wonder why we feel alone. some of us can deal better than others. some can cover it up better. some just push the pain away. but, we all feel, to some extent, that we can't reveal our true selves because we won't be accepted. we won't be loved for who we are. and we build layers, to cover up the part inside that is so easily hurt. like, think of a milky way bar, or something. the tender part of us is the nougat. and we cover it with sticky sweet caramel or hard chocolate. um, yeah. we're tougher than we really feel. or we're happier. but who's going to eat only nougat? the strange thing with that particular analogy, is that i don't like to eat my candy bars in one piece. i eat the chocolate and caramel first. and then the nougat... so does that mean that the really good part is the nougat? maybe it's ok, every once in a while, to strip away the outside layers and show your true self. but only to someone who will really appreciate it. and that's the tricky part - finding the right person, who will like the nougat. eh. ignore my insane candy bar analogies. i should take philosophy sometime - i'd relate everything back to food.

current mp3: hush - aphrodisiac jacket sometimes i wonder about my friends. i mean, are they really my friends? what is the definition of a friend, anyway? i seem to have so many, if you think about it, but then why am i lonely so much? do i expect too much? i guess everyone feels lonely, most of the time. maybe i should just focus on helping other people not be so lonely. but, really. why do people care? what's the point in caring? it hurts so much to care. like a rock in your chest, or a big pointy stick. heh. everytime you say something, and they don't respond, you wonder what went wrong. what if you say something terrible and make someone you really care about hate you? what if you alienate someone you love by not noticing their pain until it's too late? how do you get them back? do you suppose being lonely is part of the human condition? suppose none of us were ever lonely. we wouldn't want more human contact. we'd lose all touch with people. from a biological standpoint, we would die out as a species because we would never be close enough to anyone to reproduce. or we'd die out, individually, because we can't stand divided. we're a weak species, you know. there are always stories about somebody or other drowning, or getting eaten by bears or wolves or lions or snakes, or falling off a cliff, or something horrible. we need to stick together. so, are we designed to long for acceptance by other humans? is this why we go through such pain? or is it just the unhealthy ones? do most people live out their lives unaffected by the gnawing feeling that nobody really likes them or knows them? is it solely my problem? but maybe the real problem is the fact that i feel too vulnerable to let anyone else really know me. if i strip away everything to show only me, what will be left? will anyone want it? i don't think i would. then, is it possible for me to have friends? am i looking for friends - or am i looking for understanding? and if i am looking for understanding, how will i ever find it if i never let anybody inside my shell? am i willing to make that sacrifice in order to take away the pain? and will it really go away? and is anybody willing to receive what i would give them?

well, i think i'll talk about my day, maybe.

didn't start out great, i must admit. daddy got mad at me for making a sandwich right after we were supposed to leave. nikki didn't come to school and ryan said she wouldn't be at the meeting. the lit project was still really stressing me out. but i did talk to baylee, megann, alex, and all them peoples before school. that was ok. so i sat by baylee and shaina during lit, on the floor, because they both sit near each other. i don't know. i felt i needed to be with my group. also i wanted to look at baylee's pics. heh. but anyway, it turned out to be a really good place to sit, because i got front row seats for the presentations. poor nathan went first. matt's little drawings were fun. but i still remembered that nathan had done a ton of work, and i had actually asked why he was doing so much. but he didn' t talk much during the actual presentation. for some reason, it makes me want to know him better. i'm not sure why. maybe because i realize how little i know, then i get curious.

so. then science. wasn't particularly exciting. and history, i looked at baylee's pics and i saw the one of me. i don't look like i thought i would. as i recall, i was giving a semi-blank stare, but it looked like i was... i don't know. looking up, kind of. so i looked almost, i don' t know. snotty is probly the best word i could think of. i don't think of myself as acting like that, but i have no clue what it looks like to other people. so that was somewhat upsetting.

lunch was better. i said hi to alex in the hall, but i had totally missed the fact that lorina was about two feet away, and they both said hi. oops. i'm so oblivious. it was fun talking to lorina. so afterwards i wandered over to the lunch room and told alex that yes i really was saying hi to her. lol. but lunch cheered me up considerably. melissa (i wonder if anyone still calls her missy??) and ivey were there, and chaffin came too. so at any point in time, at least someone was saying something interesting. but there wasn't too much of that sit-and-nod stuff that i hate. i mean, it's great when the person you're nodding at is talking to YOU, but when they're talking to everyone it makes you feel kinda lonely. anyways. ooo, i forgot, ac2 comes out tomorrow, not on friday. which makes sense. i mean, if it came out on my mom's birthday it would be a little hard to buy it in time. yeah. and there was a lot of talk about spanish and ivey's strange dictionary and ... well, i can't really remember. it was fun though!

yeah, and i sat next to alex this time in math which was actually really fun. i want to switch my seat around more often. because it's very lonely in my assigned seat. comp sci we already know was insignificant. eh, we wrote programs. wow. and then lovely spanish. i didn't say anything. again. oh wait, i said that alex had a good philosophy. heh. it was good, too. "don't put off till tomorrow what... what... eh, i'll do it later." that was actually the second variation. yeah. oh, but, as a side note, i partnered up with her, sharing philosophies and all. which was actually somewhat pointless, because we already had, but that's besides the point.

in eighth i sat with ali then moved to sit with srav when she came in. because i was bored. that's my motivation for everything. anyways. and then i left srav because she had gone off with av, and, once again, i was bored. so i let eric borrow my math book and went to the counseling office (to see if anyone had picked up nikki's homework - which somebody had) and parson's mobile to set up a time for timed essays. aaargh. oh, but i'll be doing it the same time as eve. which might be good, i don't know. yeah, then i went back to the library - regretfully actually because for once i wasn't bored. parsons, apparently, had been critiqueing somebody's home movie. which was really fun because you get to watch the movie and hear director's commentary. lol. but anyways, back to the library, to make sure eric could return my book without feeling panicked, and back to srav. who was mad because i left her stuff alone. then back to eric and ali because srav moved to sit with av, and yet again, i was bored. ok. right. so rather interesting.

weight lifting. ick. let's skip that one. oh, after school jason informed me that japanese club had been cancelled and replaced with an officer's meeting. so... i went to art club instead. it was really fun! yay. so, i painted popcorn, with alex, and claire, and sara (from history, i don't know her that well but i should), and some other people... right. but i ended up switching between art club and japanese club. because jason lied to me, stupid jason. oh, well. and mummy says i can go back to art club next week. yay.

so, day ended up being really good. people noticed me, i was in two clubs, i was having fun and so not bored, i talked to a billion people, including aharon - yay - and kevin a bit, and alex, claire, ali, eric, noelle, joe for three seconds, ryan... so. yay. happy.

the only bad part is that... nikki didn't call me!!! ergh, oh well. tomorrow, i assume.

current mp3: angels or devils - dishwalla

oh, wow. i love this song so much. i need to buy their cd. this is one of my not-quite-legal but not-quite-illegal mp3s. i don't know. i don't think it's illegal - i got it off launchcast. it's like calling what ib kids do cheating. most of what we do, like helping each other with homework and stuff, isn't really cheating but if you have a really strict sense of the word, it is. i don't know. i could be crazy.

lovely. i was semi-inspired to re-write my spanish philosophy. we're just supposed to write sound bites that represent our views on life. i didn't really like mine; it was trite and didn't really represent my beliefs. the new one i wrote is weird. i'm talking to someone. like, using 'you' and everything. hmmm, i guess i'll put it up here. why not?

¿por qué buscas lo bueno en todo? nunca encuentres nada. pero ya estás buscando. no puedo tener tu esfuerza. no te comprendo. pero te admiro.

wow. i don't want to translate it. because i'm afraid if i break down what it means, it won't be good anymore. right now it's almost perfect. and it might be illusion, but i want to keep it that way...

oh and this one too... :) The answer to life, the universe, and everything is� 42. "Jinsei to uchuu to subete no kotae wa� yonjuuni."

http://www.angelfire.com/geek/tetrisnomiko/japan/phrase.html

omg, it's great. my favorite translation:

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. "Yo. Ore no na wa Inigo Montoya. Kisama wa chichi o koroshita. Shinu kakugo shiro."

i'm happy!

well, anyways. after i got home i had dinner then worked on this stupid lit project. but i got it done. which was good. and nikki called me right after i wrote that last entry, which cheered me up considerably.

current mp3: leave - matchbox 20 i don't know why, but i'm rather depressed. well, i suppose i shall talk about my day. maybe that'll cheer me up. first things first, yesterday. nothing much more interesting happened after that. i talked to screech again after school, for a bit longer this time. it was kind of fun. he told me that he had been kicked out of IB. for some reason i'm not surprised. he never was one to get good grades, but he doesn't seem like the type to actively drop it. after school me and mum went to target and shopped for birthday presents etc. we got my christmas present, the mp3 player. and i got mum the lord of the rings dvd special edition 4 disc set. and we got my dad monsters inc and a hamster that sings "kung fu fighting" and twirls a little nunchaku. he's quite cute. and annoying. i'm sure daddy won't like either of his gifts, but hey. at least we got him something. then we went out to dinner at old chicago, where he got mad at me... he's a lot more tense lately. maybe being employed stresses him out. then we came back home, i talked to nikki, dad got mad because i didn't go to bed at ten. so, that was yesterday. today wasn't particularly interesting. we redid our lab in science because our data was so screwed up. i ate lunch with alex and melissa, and i finally told jk a happy belated birthday. i switched seats with hugh during math which was quite strange. we took a test in comp sci, and i was the first one done, but i modified my program so that made me late for spanish. i talked to jason in spanish, which was cool. he's a nice kid. i should get to know him better. so, then i went up to the library to talk to claire about the science lab. then annoyed srav by telling her all the answers on her spanish homework. oh, and after school, i saw and talked to aharon for about ten minutes, which was very cool.

aaargh, i feel bad though. because i forgot to pick up nikki's homework. me is sorry. :(

yes! i think i'm finally done typing that icky lit thing. i couldn't have done it without you baylee! (well, besides the fact that you wrote the summary...)

current mp3: this is a low - blur

well then. hmm. the family went out to dinner. at old chicago. it was quite good. only, i fought with my dad. over pizza toppings. and he wasn't even eating the pizza. bloody hell. it's really stupid. it's ok, i love my dad but sometimes we just can't stand each other.

i'm worried about baylee. poor thing. why do all my friends have horrid medical problems? she didn't send me an email though. it's ok, i'm almost glad, because it means i don't have to work on our lit project. but i guess i really should, anyway, even though she hasn't sent me anything. blech.

i don't have much homework tonight, at least, i don't think i do. lessee, i have math which won't be collected until the test, and the lit that i probably won't do, and spanish that the teacher isn't going to check... hmm. wow. this really isn't helping my motivation.

it's ok though. some stuff that happened today:

• in science, we were doing labs, and the teacher made us guess a number to get the already set-up apparatus. but anyway, the number was 42. hooray, the teacher has read hitch hiker's guide to the galaxy. and apparently chaffin has too. BUT NOBODY ELSE HAS! what's wrong with the world?! but anyways. ooh, here's a lovely quote: "tell me how much you love my poetry or DIE IN THE VASTNESS OF SPACE!"
• i did my history debate today. aaargh, it was so icky. i stink. i did the last rebuttal. i kind of didn't know how to wrap it up so i said something to the effect of, "um, yeah, uh, i, uh, that's all."
• no one was in the lunch room. i sat with nathan, but he was working on anna's history debate (?) so i got bored and went up to the library. where i talked to kymberlee, yay.
• eighth period, as usual, i bugged srav. i also learned about stimulans and dominant genes. ooo.
• halllujah, i've been seeing baylee and sean before i leave to go to ninth period. that's fun.
• ... to be continued (when i have more time, perhaps...)

i'm going to make a list of special words. wheee!

ichigo's list of cool words

wow. lovely. if anybody has anything to add to the list, just email me at ekino_kirai@yahoo.com, ok?

1. spifferific – lovely, no? i made it up. it's the same as spiffy, just more... spiffy.
2. narm – my special word. it means whatever i want it to. you can usually understand the meaning depending on my tone of voice. i only use it with people i'm really really close to (as in my parents and nikki).
3. coruscate – i wrote some story about it in elementary school. we had to pick words and write stories about them, to help us remember them. it means "to sparkle or shimmer".
4. otorhinolaryngology – the word ali wrote about, i think. it was about this rhino named otto who went to the dentist, or something... it's the study of the nose, throat, and larynx. i think.
5. spork – who doesn't love this word? this is a lovely word. but i don't know if i like this, or "runcible spoon" better. because runcible is a cool word too. course, sporks are kind of useless, actually, because they're pretty crappy forks and they poke you if you use them as spoons.
6. bloody – the best swear word, ever. gotta love those brits.
7. bugger – course, this is a pretty good swear word too.
8. advert – again, gotta love those english.
9. stupor – but only if you pronounce it with a y - styoo-per.
10. tizzed – baylee's word for "pissed off"... sweet!
11. sweet – my favorite slang word. we go way back, me and that word...
12. all of the fake vocab words that parsons gave us – they don't get separate entries because that would take too long. and they don't have special stories behind each one. i suppose i could get out the definitions page, if i haven't lost it... but i'm too lazy. they are: sesterly, comnosticate, beleastish, lenry, fantocaster... (i've forgotten the others, when i get less lazy i'll put them up too.)

i'll put up more as i think of them. and if i get any emails, then i may put up some of what you, the reader, thinks are lovely words. but no swear words, unless they're really strange. or in another language. or british, australian, etc.

wow. i weighed in today. my dad has a habit of weighing himself every week, on sundays. we have this body fat analyzer, too. so he uses that and finds out how much fat he has and what his percent body fat is. but i occasionally weigh myself too. we put up the info on the calendar so we can keep track of the changes. so, the last time i weighed myself was about a month and a half ago, but... so i get on the scale, right? i weigh four and a half more pounds than i did last time. ouch. but i use the little analyzer thingamabob, and guess what? it's all muscle! this makes me happy. yay. so, i may be fat, but at least i'm not such a wimpwad. turns out weight training IS good for something...

my dad is still in a lot better shape than me, though. he weighs about forty pounds less, and his body fat percent is MUCH lower, like, maybe 15% less. that's just a guess though - it's actually probably a bigger difference even. it's ok, though. he's always going on diets, and going to "the club" and he's got a great metabolism. so i figure, i just work out like i have been, and i'll be fine. maybe i should start eating healthier, though... i think about food too much. i'm sure it's not healthy.

bloody heck. i've taken this test three times so far and i keep getting a different answer. oh, well, at least we know i'm a dysfunctional adult.

i seem to be falling asleep in my clothes lately. lovely. i never used to. i'm not sure if it's laziness or what. also, i always seem to be colder than i used to be. it's just too cold if i'm not wearing my normal clothes. i used to be able to sleep in a plain old nightgown but then i started needing socks and now i sleep with jackets on. oh well. it means that i don't have to get dressed on weekends - i just wake up, and voila.

nikki hasn't broken her ankle, she's just sprained it, so that's good. that is, it's good that she didn't break it. that would have been bad. i don't know why she keeps hurting herself though. i'm almost as much of a clutz as her, maybe even more, but i've never even sprained anything. i get plenty of bruises and cuts, but i've never sprained anything and i've never broken a bone. i've never used crutches or been in a cast or needed stitches or needed physical therapy or needed x-rays or gone to the doctor for anything more serious than, say, a check-up to see if i had any skin cancer looking things. and i'm always tripping over things and falling down and running into things or swinging various body parts into the wall. heh. but nikki keeps getting hospitalized. or at any rate she gets crutches and casts and wraps and ice and elevator keys.

current mp3: clint eastwood - gorillaz

i think nikki may have broken her ankle. ick. she slipped on the ice. i was wandering the halls before school started, as is my wont. so i wander by the nurse's office, and see the back of ryan's jacket. and think - was that ryan? so i wander back and look again. it's ryan. and is that nikki? so i wander around in circles outside the door and peer in as i walk past. sure enough it's nikki and ryan. so after ryan leaves i go in. poor nikki. i was late to class, but that's ok. i hope she's not hurt too bad. i ended up spending my lunch period with her, too. so did ryan.

well, other than that today was a good day, i think. in lit we worked in our groups. so that would be baylee, shaina, and i. (ooh, goody, proper grammar.) mostly we just goofed off. i think baylee was the only one working. oh well. we also took a vocab test, and i didn't study, so i got a C. i already know because there were 16 words and i missed 4 of them, which is 25%, meaning i got a C. science we talked about driving on snow and ice, and driving up hills, and the difference between 4 and 2 wheel drive. history we finished talking in our groups then started goofing off, and studying for tests. lunch i spent with nikki in the nurse's office. math we took a test, how fascinating. finished our programs in comp sci. spanish we retook our horrible, horrible tests. the whole bloody class screwed up (5th period too i think) so she let us retake it. then we looked at our horoscopes, how lovely. i was in a group with sven. who according to baylee's friends is a woman. i wasn't too clear on that, something in first period. it's ok though. baylee may hate steven tremendously, but i'll always feel a semi-affection for the boy. oh, and now i know his birthday. oh wait, no i don't, i've already forgotten it. it's in march, maybe? oh, well. but i do know hugh's: it's the same as nathan's. wow. but, ok, get this, the horoscope was from this spanish magazine, eres, that i bought a copy of once. it had an interview of damon albarn in it. *gets all starry-eyed* ah, damon, my love. oh, that's right. i'm supposed to share with nikki. lol. but anyway, i told the teacher about it and she says she can't use it in class - seeing as how it talks so much about sex, lol - but she DOES have a subscription, and i can browse through them. sweet! sheesh, she can be a pretty weird teacher sometimes. i feel a strange bond to her sometimes. i mean, our mutual annoyance has to mean something. ok, so in eighth, eve said hi to me. which made me feel happy. yay. then srav arrived, and i bugged her and "helped" her with her math. that is, i annoyed her by giving away the answers before she had figured them out for herself. then i corrected a memo she had written. but i kept getting nervous because she kept staring at me. so i'd giggle nervously, which would break her concentration, and she got mad at me. eeesh. it's ok. i also kept finding these paltry mistakes (ooh, look, i used a vocab word) and feeling like i was being too picky. i'm turning into my mom. whenever i have an essay or something for lit, she proof-reads and finds about 5 billion errors, with things i thought were fine. aaargh. and weight lifting was fascinating as always. but i found my yo-yo and was having fun yo-yoing before my mum came to pick me up.

yeesh, anyways. back to big paragraphs, i guess. too many little paragraphs, apparently, makes my brain hurt more. than big ones, that is. um, i mean... oh, jeez, you figure it out yourselves.

hmm, i hope i get to play some ac tonight. mum said that would be good. and yay! mum has a new monitor for her second computer! (that's right, my mum has 2 computers. plus a laptop.) the old one was really big, and quite nice, but it just... died. so we replaced it with a small, really crappy monitor. it has all these lines and it's so bloody strange. very very icky. but now the monitor will be nice again! yay!

how many times do i say yay? and aaargh? and hmm? and um? and uh? jeez, maybe i need to come up with some new expressions. oh, and jeez? and oh? and...

hooray. we had golden wok for dinner. i really like eating in the restaurant, because it's so pretty, but our family room is a fine place to eat too. we all eat on the couch in front of the widescreen tv. goody. we were gonna watch a movie, since i have practically no homework (i'm so glad i got my math done!), but the dvd store didn't have star wars episode 2, and that was the only thing my dad was interested in. oh well, since it was guaranteed in stock we get to rent it for free next time.

well, let's see. school today.

first period was cool: almost everyone got a copy of the school newspaper and we all commented on the "stress of i.b." article, among other things. and sky came in late, with donuts. so that was cool. i kind of wanted to have two. we started with one half donut, then she asked if anyone wanted more. i almost took another half, but i was too shy i guess. oh, well, i need to lose weight anyway.

oh, but here's something very very bad: i think i may be getting a crush on parsons. ick. i hate it when this happens. why do i always go for the thirty-year olds??? aaargh. oh, well, it'll either go away or it won't, but either way it won't make much of a difference. only in class i was noticing how he doesn't seem to have a wedding band. NO! ick!

aaargh. well, hopefully i can quit thinking about THAT. anyway, science was fun; we had a model of collisions using two tennis balls hung from the ceiling, with bits of velcro on them... it was actually really cool. there was a diagram on the table and based on where the teacher let go, we predicted where the balls would go when they collided.

third period was interesting in that we decided who was going to debate on monday. like i thought: katsnelson and joel are doing the main, 4-minute points, and us other kids are doing the 2-minute stuff. lessee, jimmy is doing the first cross examination, sara (is that how you spell her name?) is doing the second, eve is doing the first rebuttal, and i'm doing the second. erk. oh well, at least katsnelson and joel are on our team. they're smart. oh, and here's what we're trying to prove: that the habsburg monarchy provided stability in 19th century europe. fascinating huh?

lunch i ate with nikki and ryan. and here's a first! i paid for their lunch. nikki was trying to get out her money but i was too quick. then she prodded ryan into thanking me. twice. heh. i wonder if he would've thanked me of his own volition. so lunch was kinda nice. omg. i just remembered that i still haven't eaten my peanut butter and honey sandwich. oh well, guess i have a lunch for tomorrow then. hmmm, well when we got back i headed off to the lunch room. partly to see if i could borrow someone's spanish book so i could study. partly to see alex and chaffin. really, if they didn't sit there i wouldn't either. i'm not what you'd call great friends with ivey or melissa... but anyway. there was a review in the school newspaper of las hadas. i can't actually remember anything about the place. all i remember was sitting, i think, with ivey and melissa and steven, and feeling awkward as i tried to order food in spanish, while the waiter was obviously annoyed. i think i ate once at the las hadas next to golden wok, too, with my parents; but they didn't like it. i can't remember. but i probably liked it. mexican food is mexican food and my parents are much more easily annoyed at restaurants than i am. but i said i didn't think i liked it, because i couldn't remember and i know my parents didn't. so i actually felt bad when melissa and alex said they liked it. oh, well. they probly forgot i said anything. but it was definitely fun to rip on the article. heh. oh, and eric called me crazy or something. but anyways...

i didn't talk to alex in math today! too bad. i did copy stuff down from the board, though. oh, and in the beginning of the period she asked people to put up homework problems and since i had actually done it for once, i volunteered to put up the first one. but eric told me my writing was too big, and then ali teased me too. stupid people. well, not really. it was kind of funny actually.

comp sci, we started to work on a program, which i wrote the algorithm for on paper (and basically figured out the whole program in the process) then got bored and started trying to figure out another program prompt.

ok then. spanish, lovely. we took a test, which i KNOW i messed up on. then we fixed our crappy previous tests. i got the back perfect, i was so proud!!! but i screwed up pretty well and good on the 'este, ese, aquel' section. stupid este ese aquel.

eighth period i spent happily torturing srav. whee. i helped her with her math some. oh, wow. she still hasn't sent me email. oh, well. i won't expect anything anytime soon.

yeah, then ninth period horrible weight training spent talking to the horribly annoying aimee. at least, according to srav. so that was fun, and i talked to baylee a bit afterwards... and, that was it. yep. then home again, home again jiggety jig. in my daddy's car. he picked me up today. and right at 3:15, too. very nice.

wow. and nikki called me and it was very emotional. that happens sometimes. it's kind of nice. you know, we're really alike, in a lot of ways.

darn. i didn't wish j.k. a happy belated birthday.

sweet! i have almost no homework! i finished my math last night, and there isn't anything else that's due tomorrow. i suppose i should study for my tests and do some physics homework, though.

wow, 3 and a half math assignments in one night. i must be on a roll or something.

hallelujah. apparently, today was j.k.'s birthday. aww, and i didn't even get to see his cake... um, so yeah, maybe i'll wish him happy birthday tomorrow. i need to put that on my "birthday calendar". oh wait, i need to make a "birthday calendar" first. hmmm... ok, my new goal: make a calendar with everyone's birthday on it.

omg! another thing... i was watching cruel intentions, the first part anyways... see, i have tivo, so i can do nifty things like that. but anyway, it's one of devin's favorite movies, and - heh - coffee and tv is in it. so i was watching it. it's quite creepy. in a good way i think, but i'm not really sure. anyway, i heard coffee and tv and it's quite strange... it plays when sarah michelle gellar and selma blair are kissing... why that song??? i don't know. the whole movie is just weird. but i think i've recorded too many movies. so far i've gotten: labyrinth, cruel intentions, fahrenheit 451 (or whatever it's called), and there are more on the way. i mean, really. where am i going to find the time to watch all these movies? i don't even have enough time to watch yuyu hakusho. plus, i wanted to see harry potter sometime soon. aaargh.

oh, yeah. i keep forgetting, but...

i saw screech on monday, when school ended. rather interesting. i haven't talked to him in a while... he seems to be carrying around a big plastic candy cane lately. rather strange. but i asked him what was up and he said "too many things" and i said i was very happy because of something insignificant. basically both of us were vague. i kinda miss him in a way; i mean we were pretty good friends. oh, well.

anyway, thought i'd put that here. not sure why now, but hey, my mind works in mysterious ways.

wow. writing timed essays is so FUN! uh... yeah. ugh. so, eighth period i spent writing on this subject:

fathers and sons flirts with the distinction between decorum and what lies beyond (i.e. the erotic, the sensual, the indecorous). this is also reflected in the actions/experiences of __________ (pick someone). how?

or something like that. not very nice for my brain at 1:30, after 6 periods (lunch doesn't count) of using it. anyways, he said it was a good essay. ha! anyway, he thought the structure was pretty good and he liked the point i came to in my conclusion. he said it showed i had LEARNED something. ooo. i just have funny wording and i'm not specific enough, apparently. jeez, and i had always thought it was my IDEAS that sucked.

the one advantage to doing that: i was late to weight training, so i didn't have to do so much. i did about half as much as i normally do.

well, anyways. i ate lunch with nathan but by the end of the period i just had to leave. sometimes i just get to the point where i can't stand to be around other people. it's strange, because they mean so much to me, but i just get restless. i can't sit still, and i just need to do something, to get away from everyone. so i went outside. i ended up being late to math, but oh well. at least i got a chance to calm down. sometimes i just get the jitters. and i talked to alex before the period ended which was fun.

oh, and i'm happy now. i figured out where i was screwing up on the math homework. so i guess i don't need the teacher after all.

hmmm, but i miss our old seats in lit. i mean, i'm kinda glad there's a change, because change is good and all, but i hate desks in neat rows. i need to talk to people more in that class, i'm starting to feel lonely.

anyway, sorry for the randomness. i figure a whole bunch of short random thoughts is better than a big semi-flowing thought. big paragraphs are on my list of things that make my brain hurt.

i want email! all i get are bloody forwards. or NEWSLETTERS. do you know how annoying newsletters are? you see you have new mail, and it's some crud about sales on internet-ordered toasters. or it's a letter saying "look at our site! isn't it great?" or some other stupid thing you don't care about. but i don't like emailing people because i run out of things to say. and it's not like they ever reply. nikki's inbox is too full, and she never has time to email people anyways. devin never replies to ANYTHING. and i don't know, i suppose i could email stacey or something, but i don't really have anything to say. it's weird. i want to say something without having anything to say. aaargh, how dumb is that?

anyway, i'll feel better after i get some sleep...

i still haven't eaten dinner. it's ok, i'm not really hungry. mmm, mcdonald's... aaargh. i took a nap today. :) but i overslept, which isn't so great. i mean, it is, because sleeping is good, but not when you have homework. ergh. i'm on the phone to nikki right now. yay. she really wasn't here today. i didn't just miss her again. yeesh. i'm a dork. it's ok though.

mmmm... mcdonald's.

wow. it's been a while since i've used the hunt-and-peck method. i've gotten rusty.

ah, good, back to normal typing. i'm not so bad at it ever since i took typing class last year. i had henry for physical fitness the first quarter sophomore year, and for typing the second quarter. he's cool. and my typing speed improved a LOT. it went from about 20 words per minute to about 55. wheee!

hmm, today was... rather strange. ok, so lit was fun simply because we all got in a big circle. that's always fun. and yuri threw my book across the room. then nathan yelled at me for not catching it. oh, and nathan's back, hooray. poor boy, yesterday was his stepdad's birthday. he hates his stepdad with a passion. so... um... physics we learned that lightweight bouncy balls are more destructive than heavy, non-bouncy balls. good news if you work for a construction company... history, oh, apparently i'm going to be debating in defense of the habsburg's stabilizing role in europe. or something. it's ok, i'm on the same team as katsnelson so it shouldn't kill me. oh, and guess what, nikki? sean's on my team. hooray. it's not that surprising, there are only two teams in the class. only half of each team will even be debating monday anyway, the rest will be taking notes. hmm, so that was history. for lunch, i looked for nikki, but couldn't find her. apparently she was here yesterday and i just missed her. that made me feel bad. :( but anyway, i sat with nathan and he actually cheered me up!!! it's amazing. he's giving me advice on my crush. he says i should just ask him out and get it over with. but come on peoples!!! can't you understand i'm a total chicken?! anyway, he left and there were five minutes left in the period, so i wandered over to chaffin and melissa's table. not like i actually talked to melissa, though. i wish i knew her better. i mean, i've known her since second grade, and i've never really talked to her. not really. oh, well. anyway. oh, and chaffin says that ip addresses change if you have a dial-up modem. but why would you peoples care?! it's ok, now i'm really glad none of my friends have dial-up. i see who's looked at my blog by looking at the ip addresses. speaking of which, i think another person has seen my blog. hullo person! well, it doesn't really matter if they saw my blog once, it's the REPEAT business that counts... anyway. i digress. so, math, i wish i had paid attention in class yesterday. the only problem i couldn't do on the homework was the one we had done in class on monday... eheheh. oh well. i talked to alex a bit. she seemed kind of down. i don't know. her bruise is better though. and lessee, comp sci we fiddled around with loops some more. and... uh... spanish, right. i really need to get my courage up. it used to be so much easier to get me to talk in spanish class; it was shutting me up sometimes. because i love to talk to the people around me - i just don't like talking to the class. it's not like i'm any more lively in any of my other classes. all my teachers wish i would talk more. i just hate talking in front of the class. i always sound stupid and i hate it when people stare at me! or when they don't. either way is bad, and either way i feel incredibly stupid. oh, well, i guess i just need to get over it. anyways... i helped srav out with her spanish homework. someone else was sitting there. i don't know her name, but i feel like i should. she seemed pretty nice, at any rate. and i found out srav's last name, for the sixth time. and i've forgotten it already. oops. oh, well, i suppose if i really want to know it, i can always look her up in the yearbook. it starts with a P. i know that much.

hmm, weight lifting boring and painful as usual. after school i talked with joseph some, and me and mum went to mcdonald's. yum. she got me a crispy chicken value meal. with a sundae. i like sundaes. she ate most of my fries and drank quite a bit of my orange soda, but hey, she paid for it! urgh, i'm stuffed. time to go walk the dog.

eek! me mum's birthday is next week! i didn't know that... we have a group project in lit, and the presentation dates are wednesday and thursday, nov. 20 and 21. mommy's birthday is on the 22nd. so, when parsons goes, "wednesday and thursday of next week" i go, "next week?" in the middle of class, because i thought i had more time than that. oops. guess she won't be getting any gifts this year.... eheheh. no, i'll find her something. but then everyone thought i was incredulous about the DUE date. no, it's just me and my random cluelessness. oooh! nathan wasn't here today, i doubt he'll be happy to learn he'll be doing a presentation on his birthday. heh. his birthday is the day before mum's. he says everyone thinks kennedy died on HIS birthday. no, he died on my mum's. she remembers it too. they (the adults) almost canceled her party, but they had it anyway because they decided twould be too traumatic to not have the party. she turned 11 that day, i think.

oooh, me is happy. let's see...

• i'm in baylee's group for the lit project. :)
• i got 100% on my lab! he excused the fact that it was late. claire was incredulous.
• i have no history homework!!! mwahaha!
• i didn't do too too poorly on the history exam. i almost finished, for once! i tried going for the "no organization, lots of writing" strategy. the one i used to use before i decided my writing stunk. and the one my lit teacher wants me to use. so, it worked out pretty well, but i think that was only cuz i knew what i was going to say and i didn't worry about remembering dates.
• i talked to stacey before lunch. :)
• i sat with alex and ivey and melissa for lunch today. i would have sat with nathan, but he wasn't here... so i sat with them, which was nice. at first, they were talking about sports (being kicked off the swimming and volleyball teams by transfer students) which wasn't as fun, but making fun of the spanish story was better, and i liked playing snake! yay. chaffin came up about five minutes before the period ended and let me play the new version, on his cell phone. it still confuses me.
• i talked to alex a bit in math...
• we're starting on loops in comp sci. i'd like to learn how to use that to play hangman. (i think the higher level class makes a hangman program - fun!)
• my spanish teacher returned my cd. she seemed really happy. oh, and she promises to teach the class the "ketchup dance" eventually.
• chaffin talked to me as we left spanish... and turns out he's read my blog! which makes me happy. i like having people read my blog, it makes me feel loved.
• i bugged srav in eighth. oh, and she knows who i like now. she seemed surprised. which was kind of a relief, nobody else i've told seems at all surprised. i mean, is it that obvious? or do they think i normally fall for that kind of guy? oh well.
• i saw baylee's lovely car. err, truck? i don't know what to call it, it's an automobile! there you go. the detour made me late for weight lifting... but who cares about weight lifting? (hmm, maybe i need to get better about that class... don't want to lose my A...)
• aharon and... um... that one chick... were in the weight room today. so i talked to them. yeah.
• i saw baylee and srav when school ended, and i walked with baylee outside. she's always so fun to talk to! i just hope her sister wasn't bored.

well, there you go. math was boring, as usual. nikki wasn't here today, so i didn't eat lunch with her. yep. well, at least, i hope she wasn't here, cuz it would have been bad if i missed her...

my daddy prohibited me from the computer till i got my history homework done. yeesh. so now i have the assignment due monday done, and the one due tuesday, and the one due wednesday, and the one due thursday. well, at least i won't have to do any history homework next week. :P i just finished watching beauty and the beast. fun. :) i need to get it on dvd, i only have it on vhs, it's from when it first came out on video. hooray for asheron's call! yeah. i've been playing a lot now, it's SO FUN! i like it much better than before, when i kept dying all the time. see, with the allegiance buff bots, i can level up newbies really quick without dying! yay!

eck. i suck. not in a great mood right now. oh, well. eh, my blog is stupid. ick. it stinks. it's boring. and pointless. ugh. like my life. maybe i should just shut up. i always feel like i've talked too much. first i talk and people seem ok with it, so i talk more, and then they hate it and i don't notice until it's too late. and then i hate myself. oh, well. i guess i'll just have to get over it. i wish i could take a nap. sleeping takes me away from thinking. i'm always thinking. it bothers me.

well, yeah. so i went to the grocery store today, with my mum. and we were both ravenous before we got home. mum had planned on getting burgers, but she didn't want to so she let me get a chipotle burrito instead. yum! she doesn't really like chipotle so she didn't get anything. but she DID eat part of my burrito. hmmm... well, it was really yummy. and then i started working on my blog. and nikki just called. yay. but now i should probly go back to my homework. start working on those three history assignments i have left to do that are all due next week. eesh.

profile 4.

aharon (from japanese club)

oh, wow. i went to his house once. twas for japanese club, but we didn't end up doing anything cuz we didn't have the info. so we played video games! yay! yep, he has lots of video games, a ps2 and playstation, also some other game systems but i'm not sure i saw them, so i can't remember what they were... he has tons of anime, lovely swords that can chop tables in half, other weapons, manga, two tvs (i think he has two tvs, that are HIS, not his family's), some anime and manga figurines, um, and a lot of other stuff. cool. he has two brothers, i think, one is a pimp who goes to laredo and the other is older, a genius with horrible dyslexia or something? maybe. nikki wants to steal his little brother even though he's a pimp and, aharon says, very annoying. aharon's co-secretary of japanese club now, because vicki wasn't always showing up to meetings cuz of band practice. he would have been club president, but he goofed off too much. which makes sense, he's really enthusiastic and has tons of ideas, and he talks a LOT during the club, but half of the time he goes off on tangents... yeesh, but he's very entertaining. he, like jason, knows fighting well enough to teach it... it's the same kind of fighting, why can't i remember the name??? oh well.

yeah, well, aharon's cool. when i know more i'll put more.

profile 3.

jason (from japanese club)

he's very strange, but then, so are most people i know. he's assistant officer for japanese club. he used to be "co-project manager" along with aharon, but that isn't really a real position... nikki, my best friend and club president, demands that he draw her chibis. she also plans to steal his little brother. who is very cute, btw. hmmm... he's friends with aharon and matt and srav and tiffany (aaargh, i think that's her name) and... uh... some other people i don't know. in fact, a lot of other people i don't know. he knows fighting well enough to teach it, only i've forgotten what kind of fighting, maybe ju-jitsu? or possibly something entirely different. he broke aharon's backpack. um, and he plays an instrument. violin? don't know. i don't know him that well; i only know him from japanese club, which i started this year. oh, well. now you know.

yeesh, once i know more about him i'll try to make this profile less... sucky.

aaargh. my blog is too confusing.

ok, so yeah. more about thursday.

k, so in eighth period i head up to the library, and jason says high to me. i think matt did too. ooo, and someone was talking about him, only i can't remember who or what he said. oh well, i think it was either aharon or jason. ANYWAYS... ok, but srav wasn't in the library so i wandered off. went to the bathroom and my locker and by then the period was half gone (omg! ten whole minutes had passed!) so i wandered BACK upstairs... saw srav, walking with avni but they were walking away from me, and the library, so i didn't say anything. but i went into the library and saw eve, libby, ali, and jason looking at comics (in the paper). so i talked to them for a while. yeah. then i went down to weight training, five minutes late, i might add, but mason didn't care. so i sat for ten minutes. oo wow. i mean, it's not like there was any point to dressing out. the period is 20 minutes long and we get fifteen minutes every day for dressing... so. but he let us out five minutes early. big whoop. oh well, better than nothing and he was really nice too. like, "yeah, i know, it's stupid, but what am i going to do?" anyways. so i went back up to the library (i go there a lot don't i?) and srav was there, and baylee, and megann, and tiffany i think. maybe. if that's her name. and if i'm even remembering right. but anyway. they were looking at magazines. but i talked to them, then the bell rang in a few minutes, so then i went downstairs. i went to my locker again, even though i didn't need to. then i waited for mum for ten minutes. then we went to mcdonald's. then my mom said screw it, i don't want to go back to the school just to sign up, they probably won't be ready anyway. so we went home.

wow. ok. i need to talk a little less, maybe. aaaargh. well, after getting home my dad came home early and to make a really really really REALLY long story much shorter, my parents ended up fighting about the conferences, we signed up in two different chunks, but my dad and my mom and i went to the first four and my mum went by herself to the last two. so. well, my teachers were much happier than last year. no "she needs to do her homework or else she'll FAIL the grade and have to take it over again." well, my math teacher did say i should do my homework. i missed eight assignments for one homework packet (they were due the week of the history and english essays) and it brought my grade down to a B+. oh no. 89.2, i'm crushed. i'll never miss another assignment again i PROMISE. oh, wait, i missed one this week. oops. ok, yeah, and my mum says she likes my english and science and spanish (!) teachers. she doesn't like ginsberg. he scared her by talking about all the work we're going to have to do. he doesn't get that she doesn't want me to do any more work than i have to. it's ok. but apparently my spanish teacher thinks i've improved a lot. she's the only one i've had for two years, and also the only one who knows i have ADD. she says i'm more organized and is proud of me for doing my homework. oh, and she's borrowed my "las ketchup" cd. i was feeling repentant on thursday, so i showed her, and she went "oh, cool! can i borrow it?" hehe. sometimes she's not so bad. i think she's kinda overbearing, and we grate on each other's nerves, but she can be pretty cool sometimes. hey, at least she put up with me! anyway. i have a feeling my spanish class might be learning the ketchup dance on monday. ooo, and she was disappointed that i didn't show! she asked where i was! cuz she was the only teacher i'd told i'd come in with my parents.

so, why was i missing? same reason my dad was... heh. ok, my dad does improv. right. he used to be in the comedy jocks, this one group, and that lasted for a while, maybe three years. but now he's out and about. so i watched him play in icl, "improv comedy league". so. i recognized a lot of the people - about half were from a group my family went to see called denver comedy sports, i think. we went with my bubbi (my grandma). she likes being called bubbi cuz she's jewish. yeah. and bubbi, i think, is yiddish for grandmother. maybe. i don't know too much yiddish. like, any. oh, well, i suppose i should put that on my list of languages i should learn. anyways. ok, so half were from that one group we'd seen, and also lisa and dj were in it - they're ex-comedy jocks that my dad used to play with. they went into their own group called undead jugfish. well, really, the group had already existed, but dj got in and took over and all the original people left. there were just dj and suzi (ex-husband and wife, but not at the time), lisa, jared (who i used to think was hot), pete (who i never saw in a show but my dad had been in shows with, i think), and ... uh... i can't remember. maybe that's all. oh, i should tell you about these people! but it's too complicated. maybe separate entries. well, anyway, back to the show i saw on thursday. there was also a girl kelly who i had seen in a show at bovine - it's an improv place downtown, the bovine metropolis theatre, with cow-print walls. aargh. so, i recognized people. yeah.

aaargh. i'm done with my history dbq. now my brain hurts. oh, well. only 3 more history assignments left!

mmm... strawberry icecream. at nine in the morning. now to start on my history dbq. wish me luck!

well, lessee. wednesday was fun because of japanese club, and today was fun because it was a half day! yes!

what happened wednesday again? i didn't finish the essay we did in lit. stupid timed essays. aaargh. and now the teacher says i should come in and do timed essays for PRACTICE. ick. oh, well, at least it'll help me learn. and parsons is really cool, so he makes something really evil (doing timed essays in your spare time) sound almost fun. science, hmmm, that was fun. we went over the lab. which i hadn't finished. i've finished it now, i did it last night. it helped that somebody who had gone in to ask him for help on it, had given me the paper he had written on. very very helpful. and in history, it was so fun! we learned about nietzsche (the only reason i know how to spell his name is because i had to learn it while studying for the spelling bee in seventh grade...), and ginsberg showed how the comic superman was based on nietzsche's theory. and you can see that raskolnikov's "theory" is actually nietzsche's. lunch i did my math homework, which i then turned in, and we took a test. which we got back today. i did alright on it. got 90%, i think. then comp sci, we got an ASSIGNMENT, ooo... it was pretty fun actually, or maybe that's just my demented mindset. we made a currency converter program. yay. for mine, you input the price, the current currency, and the desired currency, and it outputs the original price AND converted price. oo, fancy. only i did the math wrong. how the heck did i make it into calculus again??? it's ok, i fixed it. hmmm, then spanish, ugh. we wrote letters to the editor, based on articles we were supposed to get from the net. mine was a commentary on the unstable political situation in venezuela, i think. can't quite remember. oh, well. i double-spaced the body of my letter. maybe that'll make the teacher happy. ok, then eighth... where i talked to srav... and tiffany, at least, i think that's her name. she got a halloween gift from jason. looks kinda suspicious to me. ooo, and eve sat with us! it was very nice, i rarely see eve eighth period. so, eighth was fun. then weight lifting, horrid as usual. well, what do you expect? then.... japanese club! woohoo! we had a cooking class. it was SO awesome... and since me, aharon, sean (i think), and another kid (oops, don't know his name...) were the only ones who had washed our hands before the meeting, we formed one group. fun. it's so so nice to talk to aharon in japanese club, he's so enthusiastic. he's much more serious during p.e., besides i don't even see him every day. well, apparently he's a practiced cook, so he gave us tips throughout the cooking process. we did it twice, so him and sean cooked the first time, and me and the other kid cooked the second time. aharon even showed me how to hold my spatula. yay. and it was pretty yummy! we made yakisoba, with ramen noodles, onions, ginger, cabbage, carrots, turkey (?) slices, and green peppers. i must admit, all i ate were the noodles. but mmmm, it was so good. totemo oishikatta deshita, as the japanese say. or don't, i don't really know. i don't take japanese, i just own a couple of "teach yourself japanese" books. but next year, when i get out of spanish... hmmm, what else? joe lent me his sailor moon manga, in japanese no less. cool. but i didn't really get a chance to look at it before he wanted it back. oh well. oooo! spanish club had made cakes, i guess, so they gave us some, and we gave them some of our noodles. and so nikki went over to give them bowls, and i went with, and who should i find but noelle. i think that's how you spell her name. she's a sweet girl. she's a senior. and guess where i know her??? the spelling bee! wow. but anyway, when i was in sixth grade, we were the last two standing in the district oral competition. and i beat her. yep. she was second place, and i was first. apparently, she lost to the word "penitence". and apparently, she still doesn't know how to spell it. well, that was the most interesting thing... aharon was talking to the guys from our cooking group about dragon ball and how dragon ball z is different from the "a" series, or something, which is different from gt. i knew it was different from gt, but i had no clue what the a series was. what the heck?

wow. so that was wednesday. now for today.

hmmm, ah lovely half day, i love you so. well, lit and physics were the only classes that were normal length. which is really cool, because i like both those classes! kinda weird, but both are weird enough to keep me awake. well, in lit we took our vocab test and discussed that criticism on fathers and sons. poor matt got picked on. but you have to admit, it was pretty funny. he went, "i think it's a very important point." parsons would go, "why?" and matt would go, "um... it's... it's an important point!" heh. he was more articulate than that, but the teacher still tortured him. quite entertaining. hmm, and lovely science, i turned in my lab, we talked about the stupid internal assessment (we got a handout), then we discussed problems. which still confuse me. oh well, i'll do them over the weekend. ok, then our first shortened class! yay! we discussed the dbq in history. it sounds so much easier than the ones from last year. god, i hated those. *shudders* hmm, then lunch, i didn't have any homework. i sat at chaffin's table. well, really, it's not his table, but he was the first one there. ooo, and matt came over (the other one) and said he was hungry, so i gave him my mandarin oranges. maybe a bad idea, cuz i got REALLY hungry later on. oh, well, he seemed really grateful. i borrowed chaffin's grape book (um, that is, una vez más) to study for the test. then alex came over, and studied the book too. i don't think anyone really does the homework. she doesn't grade it. so what's the bloody point? it's not new material either, it's all review. that's all we do now in spanish, review. and learning vocab. well, yeah, so lunch was fun. even though ivey and melissa were missing. hmmm. maybe i should eat lunch with nathan every once in a while? .... nah. ok, then math, lovely as always, but especially lovely today, seeing as how it only lasted 20 minutes. i talked to alex quite a bit, which was fun. then comp sci, i worked on my currency program and figured out the math was wrong, and fixed it. ooo, then lovely spanish. we took the test. i think i did ok on it. here's a first: i wasn't sure what to do when it said, "give the pronoun" so i ASKED THE TEACHER. it's amazing. and y'know what? i think i might actually get a higher grade because of it.

to be continued...

i'm not going to get a nap today, am i??? oh well. i'll make this short. i still need to empty the dishwasher then attempt some semblance of a nap. ok. here's the summary. i feel loved. yay. today was a good day. in science, baylee and claire actually wanted me in their group! it was lovely. mr. fox had said i should go with the back table (j.k. and ali and james and such) but he said, oh well if you want i guess you could be in their group. yay! so, i felt loved. it was a good thing. what else??? hmm... i talked to chaffin a bit... oh, in history ashley looked at my cd, and said it was cool. yay. still haven't showed it to spanish teacher. still think she's fairly evil. um. but i talked to baylee after history and walked with her to her locker and upstairs. cuz she has spanish fourth period. but she said SHE felt loved. i'm glad i can make someone feel loved. so that in turn made me feel loved. very strange, but hey, it works. ok, and eighth was fun again. i bugged srav. she's pretty good-natured about it. just calmly continues doing her math homework and exclaiming at the immensely long assignments. but i was SO spacey. aaargh. oh, and she said she'd send me diary of voldemort and professor locke's ... um... adventures in therapy? oh dear, i've forgotten the name. ah, well. well, she said she'd send them to me in an email, so i don't have to slog through millions of useless bump or squirrel or pretzel posts. don't ask. if you must, click on the link on the side. it's quite entertaining, actually. i've read 30 pages of posts for the diary of voldemort so far, but i still have at least 45 to go... so srav says she'll just send me the documents. yay! so that made me feel loved too.

i can't concentrate. i was feeling ok, and then it suddenly felt like there was this big black hole inside me, gnawing at my stomach. it was very upsetting. oh, well. i should have more homework done by now. it's so hard though. maybe i should take a ritalin. huh. i don't even know if they work, really. maybe it's just a placebo effect. maybe i'm depressed, and don't have ADD. maybe it doesn't matter. i'll have to claw my way through somehow. it probably doesn't help that i like sad music. i don't ever really listen to really happy music. not anymore. and i'm sick of all the happy songs anyway.

*sigh*

i suppose i'll just admit defeat and take a ritalin. stupid ritalin. oh, well. if nothing else, it'll keep me awake.

the emptiness in my stomach is almost gone. but i don't know. is it stress? is it an ulcer? is it air? should i burp?

ah, well. life is full of mysteries.

hmm. some things i forgot to mention:

• joel has his license! hooray! but now this makes me feel all alone... oh, well. there's still nikki.
• i ran into lorina today. that was nice. she said hi, and stuff. uh...
• i also ran into stacey today. she says sorry she didn't call me, she was waiting for nikki to call her. but nikki had been waiting for stacey to call HER. stacey says, "duh, that's impossible, i don't have her phone number." oh, well.
• i feel loved.

eh. well, if i think of anything else... i'll forget it again.

what to write, what to write??

i think i'll blog every day after school, and check my mail too. that's good. so it doesn't cut into my homework time. that would piss my parents off. it's great that they're letting me take naps. yay.

what happened of interest today??? hmmm. well, i feel a lot more comfortable around chaffin now. i must admit, i had been feeling kind of awkward around him, but i'm over it now. i talked to him in lit some, and while walking to science class. so, maybe we're still friends. i worry too much. i'm always thinking maybe this friend or that friend doesn't really like me anymore, if we don't talk or something. and i'm especially paranoid about him. which makes sense. but anyways...

aaargh. our history teacher is evil. i speak for all IB juniors. we have four bloody packets due next week. i'm gonna fall over. but i'm so happy! a miracle has occurred! i actually got an A on that stupid history paper! it was so evil. i stayed up really late to finish it and i was really stressed about it, all week till it was due. it's really weird tho, cause all the smart kids got c's on it, it seems. danny got a c (which made some people happy...) and so did katsnelson. aargh, i should call him by his first name but it's so bloody common that no one can tell who the heck i'm talking about. when i talk to him, i call him by his first name. oh, well. and poor srav got a B. she seems ok with it though, she says she should be able to get a C this quarter and still have an a come semester. which is cool. for her. yeesh, my grades aren't quite so perfect. but i'd rather have five b's than have to stress about maintaining a straight a average through high school.

for lunch, i went with nikki (and ry ry of course) to burger king. twas somewhat fun. but they called my magic cookie bar an insect bar. that wasn't so great.

ummm. hmmm. oh, srav noticed that i cut my hair. i don't know if anyone else did, but she was the only person who said anything. i didn't really expect anyone to. say anything, that is. i hope some people noticed, but didn't say anything. it's ok if they didn't notice either. i know that when other people get their hair cut i don't always notice. in fact, i rarely notice. eheheh. but even if i do, either i'm worried that it's been days and i've only just noticed and they'd be annoyed that i didn't notice earlier, or i don't get a chance till it's BEEN days and feel they'd be annoyed that i didn't notice earlier. so.

eighth period was much more entertaining than i thought it would be. i painted my thumb with pink polish, but then felt guilty about doing it in the library. i don't know why, really. i mean, what do i care? but i still only have my thumb painted, the rest of my nails don't have any polish on them. but then i saw srav and felt it would be fun to sit at her table. yay. it's usually pretty entertaining. and then megann sat down. and i got out my gel crayons. they're pretty cool - they write on black paper. me and megann got a piece of black construction paper (it was an M!) and scribbled on it in various crayon colors. srav decided the grey was ugly. so, that was fun.

hmm, and in weight training we now have to do actual work. it's ok. i did actual work last quarter. it's just kind of a pain. i worry about getting all my exercises done, too. oh, well. mason's a softie, if i talk to him and sound concerned he'll be nice to me.

i wanted to show my las ketchup cd to mrs. gibson, but she yelled at me so i didn't feel like sticking around after class, and i was too embarassed to go for a show and tell during class.

well, off to take my nap. hehehehehe. :)

ooo! get me away from here i'm dying
play me a song to set me free
nobody writes them like they used to
so it may as well be me
here on my own now after hours
here on my own now on a bus
think of it this way:
you could either be successful, or be us
with our winning smiles, and us
with our catchy tunes, oh us
now we're photogenic
you know, we don't stand a chance

oh, i'll settle down with some old story
about a boy who's just like me
thought there was love in everything and everyone
you're so naive!
they always reach a sorry ending
they always get it in the end
still it was worth it as i turned the pages solemnly, and then
with a winning smile, the boy
with naivety succeeds
at the final moment, i cried
i always cry at endings
i always cry at endings

ooo, that wasn't what i meant to say at all
from where i'm sitting, rain
falling against the lonely tenement
has set my mind to wander
into the windows of my lovers
they never know unless i write
"this is no declaration, i just thought i'd let you know goodbye"
said the hero in the story
"it is mightier than swords
i could kill you sure
but i could only make you cry with these words"
cry with these words
cry with these words
cry with these words

oh, get me away i'm dying
get me away i'm dying
get me away i'm dying...

darn. i had hoped i'd be able to finish kingdom hearts before the break ended, but i guess not. oh, well. it'll be hanging over my head for another month or so now. aaargh.

and i didn't even get to play AC today! it's been really fun. they've fixed it up so that newbies don't lose anything when they die, which is really good news for me. one of the reasons i never played much was because i always died, and it was so stressful! i kept losing vast sums of money and expensive items that i'd been given by my patrons (well, mostly my mum and her patrons), and then i'd have to go get them, and die three more times in the process. and the second or third time i died i'd lose my weapon. really not fun. but nowadays i just leave my bodies to rot. hahaha!

i need to help nikki with her blog layout. she's gonna make blog entries according to categories. kind of like an archiving system. so i need to teach her how to set it up. yawn. i don't know if i want to go to bed yet. it means the end of fall break. sniff. hmmm, tomorrow i think i'll bring my las ketchup cd to school. it'll freak out my spanish teacher. mwahahaha. that oughta be fun...

ooo, i have a headache. >.<

well, i went and got a haircut and then i drove around in the grandview parking lot. the speed limit is ten there, and my dad says, "ten's too slow. go 25." yeesh. then me, dad, and mum went to borders and i almost bought two cds, but i changed my mind at the last minute. and the cds were (drumroll please): ace of base and belle and sebastian. i had read in baylee's blog that ace of base had a new album out, so i listened to a couple songs at borders. they did cruel summer. i like that song. and they've done another one i like, i've forgotten the name of it now.

hmmm. i had thought that i would be writing in my blog a lot over break, seeing as how i have so much free time, but i seem to want to spend all my free time doing things other than blogging... like playing AC and kingdom hearts and going out to eat or going shopping at costco and seeing the denver art museum (d.a.m.! that's good art) and the denver public library or eating baked goods my mum prepares or playing with nikki or watching tv... eh. it's ok. blogging is fun too, but not as fun as some things.

my mum has suggested i put a to-do list up here. so, i put up a list on the side, under the links, and i link the to-do items to blogger entries describing them. y'know. my current status, what i want to do, what i plan to do, yadda yadda. i don't know. could be fun.

aaargh, it's my last day of fall break and i don't want to go back to school. oh, well. it's been fun. i swear, though, this has been the most entertaining break i think i've ever had. i'm not trying to do makeup work or working on homework over the break. no stress! no guilt! and it doesn't hurt that i have good grades. my dad has been so mellow lately, and i think that's why. and my mom and i were talking, and she says that i can take naps! yes!! i love naps. every day after school, i'll walk the dog, empty the dishwasher, eat a snack, maybe write in my blog. then... i get to take a nap til dinner! sweet! and then i work on homework till it's done. it'll be great. and my mom's gonna vouch for me, so my dad won't demand i go to bed at a reasonable hour. and really, if i take a nap every day, i won't need as much sleep at night. ah, it sounds great. i hope it works out. and i really really hope i can keep my grades up. last year i got no a's on either semester report card. oh, wait, i'm wrong. i got an a in health, and an a in physical fitness, and an a in typing, and an a in acting. i think. yep. four a's. woohoo.

that's right. i wanted to make a japanese-english dictionary on the computer. i better write it down so i won't forget.

ah, hallelujah. i did nothing for halloween. mum and i played asheron's call wednesday night, so she said i could play kingdom hearts in the morning (because i didn't get to that night). so i played kingdom hearts almost all day yesterday. i did play with mum a bit (AC, of course)... i gave candy to a few kids, then my dad came down and we watched tv and he handed out candy for a while. so, rather uneventful halloween.

today i cleaned up my room, and the family room a bit, and cleaned up some from that 200-cd organizing project. then me and mum went to costco. always fun. i saw an $80 portable mp3 player there. it makes me want to buy it. i'd like to be able to listen to more than ten songs at once. i can fit at leat 200 mp3s on a cd, i think...