current song: The Cranberries - Dreams
I like this song so much more now... Funny how that works. A song gets a new meaning and suddenly it's good again.
It's like listening to The Strokes that summer. I'd heard them and dismissed them; they were overplayed and overrated. But then I heard them in someone else's car and they suddenly meant summer nights and for some reason I couldn't get enough of them.
Do you ever hear a verse that just calls out to you, or a chorus, and you look up the lyrics and it's not as good in its entirety? Like... if you could have taken those few phrases, that sentence or two, and built a new song around them, it would be perfection...
I love conversations when they're good. When they go well... When you say something and you say another and the thoughts just tumble out there... And then you watch in amazement as the same thing happens for the person you're talking to. It doesn't always happen like that... sometimes you struggle for the right combination of words to trigger that torrential overflow of thought... But sometimes it just comes to you. And all you have to do is soak it all in.
What is the key to my motivation? Will I find it before I am consumed by apathy?
Perhaps... until then, there is work to be done.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Saturday, January 29, 2005
yokatta
current song: Moody Blues - Driftwood
.... I refuse to believe that Chaffin made up "crumble"... I demand a... recount. That's right. Just like Florida.
Given my boyfriend's last name, I hear quite a few crumble jokes... And you should see what it says on his mailbox in the engineering center. The horror...
Ok, so, now that I'm off that tangent... As for that math book I got from Luke, it seems quite nifty, even though I've just read the first article so far... It's basically this collection of articles by the recreational math columnist for Scientific American. It's called The Colossal Book of Mathematics by Martin Gardner. Hey, you know what's cool? That was practically from memory. I just didn't remember the guy's first name right. Thought it was Matthew or something.
So, yeah, it's fun. I'll have to post the math problem from the first article.
I played racquetball again today, so booyah. Err, well, maybe "played" is a bit strong. I dragged Cam off to a vacant court and proceeded to swing at the ball for about 45 minutes. Oif. It was quite a workout. Fun, too... Hopefully I'll actually start improving. It's fun to have one of my friends as the instructor, though.
Swizzle is a cool word. Reminds me of "sweet" in ebonics. Oif, I should ask Luke about that, he's the one who studied Ebonics for a semester. Those crazy linguists.
... Hmmm... what else...
So, since today is a Friday, and the group's new thing seems to be watching Battlestar Galacta, I forewent anime and instead rode with Cam (and Sarah, Cam's girlfriend) to Spencer's house. It's strange though... In some ways I think I get along better with Justine, Spencer's girlfriend, than I get along with Spencer. Ah well. The night was thoroughly enjoyable - we partook of Spencer's mother's Jambalaya (not spicy, but still tasty... I want my Mommy's jambalaya now), and played pinball, clue, risk, and this odd card game Guillotine. I fiddled around with Spencer's jukebox machines (yes, he has two! I tell you) and chatted with Justine and Sarah and generally had a good ol' time.
Tomorrow is SciFi. Daniel probably has work but Cam and Sarah will probably be there, and it looks fun. You know... I should probably drag other friends of mine to SciFi sometime.
My father plays in On The Spot on Friday, February 25. I'd like to see him play... He emailed me a coupon where it's buy one get one free. Does anyone (from up here) wanna hitch the B bus down to Denver on that Friday night? The more the merrier and I can probably weasel my dad into paying for the tickets, as long as I use my BOGOF coupons. It's an eight o'clock showing, and if you take the BX it takes 40 minutes by bus to get to Downtown Denver. The Bovine Theatre is just a few blocks away from the Market Station bus stop, at 15th and Champa. Let's see... time for Jessa to design a bus route... <thinks> And it's right near the 16th street mall, which is fun...
Fo swizzle!
.... I refuse to believe that Chaffin made up "crumble"... I demand a... recount. That's right. Just like Florida.
Given my boyfriend's last name, I hear quite a few crumble jokes... And you should see what it says on his mailbox in the engineering center. The horror...
Ok, so, now that I'm off that tangent... As for that math book I got from Luke, it seems quite nifty, even though I've just read the first article so far... It's basically this collection of articles by the recreational math columnist for Scientific American. It's called The Colossal Book of Mathematics by Martin Gardner. Hey, you know what's cool? That was practically from memory. I just didn't remember the guy's first name right. Thought it was Matthew or something.
So, yeah, it's fun. I'll have to post the math problem from the first article.
I played racquetball again today, so booyah. Err, well, maybe "played" is a bit strong. I dragged Cam off to a vacant court and proceeded to swing at the ball for about 45 minutes. Oif. It was quite a workout. Fun, too... Hopefully I'll actually start improving. It's fun to have one of my friends as the instructor, though.
Swizzle is a cool word. Reminds me of "sweet" in ebonics. Oif, I should ask Luke about that, he's the one who studied Ebonics for a semester. Those crazy linguists.
... Hmmm... what else...
So, since today is a Friday, and the group's new thing seems to be watching Battlestar Galacta, I forewent anime and instead rode with Cam (and Sarah, Cam's girlfriend) to Spencer's house. It's strange though... In some ways I think I get along better with Justine, Spencer's girlfriend, than I get along with Spencer. Ah well. The night was thoroughly enjoyable - we partook of Spencer's mother's Jambalaya (not spicy, but still tasty... I want my Mommy's jambalaya now), and played pinball, clue, risk, and this odd card game Guillotine. I fiddled around with Spencer's jukebox machines (yes, he has two! I tell you) and chatted with Justine and Sarah and generally had a good ol' time.
Tomorrow is SciFi. Daniel probably has work but Cam and Sarah will probably be there, and it looks fun. You know... I should probably drag other friends of mine to SciFi sometime.
My father plays in On The Spot on Friday, February 25. I'd like to see him play... He emailed me a coupon where it's buy one get one free. Does anyone (from up here) wanna hitch the B bus down to Denver on that Friday night? The more the merrier and I can probably weasel my dad into paying for the tickets, as long as I use my BOGOF coupons. It's an eight o'clock showing, and if you take the BX it takes 40 minutes by bus to get to Downtown Denver. The Bovine Theatre is just a few blocks away from the Market Station bus stop, at 15th and Champa. Let's see... time for Jessa to design a bus route... <thinks> And it's right near the 16th street mall, which is fun...
Fo swizzle!
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
pulling the pieces back together
I feel like I'm running out of things to say.
I guess I feel that way for everything these days. Like all I have left is listening, and after a while I lose my focus and I can't do that right either.
So Luke gave me a mathematics book. It seems nifty; I'll make a concerted effort to read it. It's a survey of mathematics type thing, pretty big and with lots of pages, but hopefully it'll be fun.
I'm officially double-majoring in Math now, at least, as far as forms go. I've handed in my Intra-University Transfer form to the good folks at Woodbury and now I've just got to wait for a confirmation. You need a semester's worth of classes at CU with a 2.0 GPA. I think I'm going to fulfill those requirements. It'll be interesting, double majoring. I'm going to have to get an advisor at some point, so that I can figure out what to take and how to balance everything. Since it might be a challenge, with two majors.
I have 80 credits now. I thought, at the IB thing, that I'd only got a little over 50 credits, and then got the horrible feeling afterwards that it was actually 48, and I'd been lying. But when I printed out my unofficial transcript for the IUT form, I discovered that I'd actually gotten 65 transfer credits. That's ungodly. 40 of those are from IB, and the other 25 are from AP. How is that even possible? It's horrible, I tell you...
I need to figure out how many credits it takes to be a senior, and whether having an excess of credits will reduce my scholarships. That wouldn't be so good.
I played racquetball with the boys today. It was... interesting. I suck at the whole hand-eye coordination thing, so much of our time was spent with Spencer or Cam going "Hit it!", me swinging wildly and someone else actually hitting the ball towards the back wall. I think Cam is going to make me do suicides. I'm afraid.
That's all, for now.
I guess I feel that way for everything these days. Like all I have left is listening, and after a while I lose my focus and I can't do that right either.
So Luke gave me a mathematics book. It seems nifty; I'll make a concerted effort to read it. It's a survey of mathematics type thing, pretty big and with lots of pages, but hopefully it'll be fun.
I'm officially double-majoring in Math now, at least, as far as forms go. I've handed in my Intra-University Transfer form to the good folks at Woodbury and now I've just got to wait for a confirmation. You need a semester's worth of classes at CU with a 2.0 GPA. I think I'm going to fulfill those requirements. It'll be interesting, double majoring. I'm going to have to get an advisor at some point, so that I can figure out what to take and how to balance everything. Since it might be a challenge, with two majors.
I have 80 credits now. I thought, at the IB thing, that I'd only got a little over 50 credits, and then got the horrible feeling afterwards that it was actually 48, and I'd been lying. But when I printed out my unofficial transcript for the IUT form, I discovered that I'd actually gotten 65 transfer credits. That's ungodly. 40 of those are from IB, and the other 25 are from AP. How is that even possible? It's horrible, I tell you...
I need to figure out how many credits it takes to be a senior, and whether having an excess of credits will reduce my scholarships. That wouldn't be so good.
I played racquetball with the boys today. It was... interesting. I suck at the whole hand-eye coordination thing, so much of our time was spent with Spencer or Cam going "Hit it!", me swinging wildly and someone else actually hitting the ball towards the back wall. I think Cam is going to make me do suicides. I'm afraid.
That's all, for now.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Oif. I'm tired.
Cam's right, I do need to stand up for myself. It's difficult though. To find the words to say, without becoming vulnerable in the process.
I'm looking forward to eating lunch with Sarah tomorrow.
I feel like I'm missing something, and it makes me want to eat. I should just go to sleep instead.
Cam's right, I do need to stand up for myself. It's difficult though. To find the words to say, without becoming vulnerable in the process.
I'm looking forward to eating lunch with Sarah tomorrow.
I feel like I'm missing something, and it makes me want to eat. I should just go to sleep instead.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
whatever I feel like doing!
I had something to say, I swear.
What's going on in my life? I don't know. Life seems uneventful.
On Monday I drag myself out of bed in order to get to class at eleven. Since no one shows up in the engineering center before then, no point to get there early.
So I sit through comp sci, alternating between doodling on my notebook and glancing over at Spencer and/or Cam's computer screen... And we all file out and sometimes I'll say hi to John and feel bad that I don't go over to Kitt anymore.
After that I go with the boys to Farrand. Food is good. But I generally want to leave early, so I don't get to Japanese too late. It seems to make Spencer nervous. I suppose I'll have to stop hovering and just leave once I'm done with my food.
So around 12:30 I've been trying to leave for Japanese. This is so that I can get to the Humanities building before the previous class gets out, thus giving me the chance to say hello to Tsutsui-sensei, and Chris. He's not been coming to both classes the past few days, which isn't surprising, since he seems to be suffering The Cold From Hell (trademark). He's been put on Codeine, though, so that seems to be improving his mood at the very least.
And, from 1 to 2, I suffer through the joy of Japanese. I feel lost in a lot of ways... It's fun, though. I enjoy it. I sit near Eno and Chen-san, and there are a few people I've talked to who seem pretty nice: Lili, Megan (Casey-san), Joshua, and a few others. And Michael (Knudson, or however you spell it... the one from last semester's CSCI 1300 class) and Phil (of Kitt fame) are there too, though they sit across the room and I don't really talk to them.
So around 1:50 or 1:55 I tromp back to the engineering center and wait for Daniel to show up... Around 2:55 I head off to linear algebra and by the time I get back, at 3:55, I find Daniel and Jude chatting amiably. So I go with Daniel to his four o'clock class and go back to find Jude and hang out with him till our class at 4:15.
The Gamelets class, though we've only had it once so far, should be interesting. Eric (the president of GameDev), Michael (Knudson, again... I think he's in three of my four classes, it's odd), and Jude are all present. Plus there's a girl Gabbie, who came to GameDev this week, who seems quite nice. And I hear rumor that Cami, also from GameDev, is set to join us next week.
So last Monday after gamelets I ran off with Jude to dinner then we rode the Buff Bus together, and he trekked back to his dorm as I trekked over to Daniel's. That was entertaining. Next week, apparently, Genny will be coming over to have dinner with Daniel and play such fascinating card games as Nerds and Spoons (and Crazy 8's if I have any say)... So I'll be skipping the dinner-with-Jude part and just hopping on the Buff Bus as soon as class gets out.
Tuesdays are even more fascinating. I roll out of bed in time to get to the Engineering Center by 10:45 (hopefully fully showered and full of breakfast), where I hang out with Daniel till his class at 12:30, at which point I head off to Japanese. Joy.
Then I run back to the Center for an hour and a half of fun, from 2 to 3:30, until the boys and I wander over to our comp sci recitation. Last week was entertaining, we were challenged to find the millionth prime number, and Spencer wrote a program that was faster than the TA's. Granted, it took the TA about 3 minutes to type up his program, and it took Spencer 3 hours... Speaking of which, we didn't get out of there until 7 last time (the recitation ends at 4:45 for chrissake!) So we ate at Wendy's afterwards, and I was twitching nervously as Cam screeched to a halt besides the engineering building at 8:05. Oh well, I was only 15 minutes late to GameDev, at least.
On Wednesday I again roll out of bed for class at 11, and wander through my day. This Wednesday, as Spencer and Cam and I were filing out of computer science class at eleven (Jude was apparently ditching), someone called my name (and I have the feeling it wasn't the first time, as by the time I heard it, it sounded rather insistent), and so I turned around, and lo and behold! There was Chaffin. It was ... surreal. And cool. I'll call him sometime soon, and maybe we can hang out, catch up on old times, something like that.
Wednesdays are much like Mondays, except, there's no 4:15 class this time. Instead, Spencer and Cam and Jude and Jaime and I hang out in the engineering lobby until 5:15, when Daniel gets out of his class, and we all head over to Jaime's place to watch Firefly. And yesterday, as Daniel and I were wandering about after Firefly ended, Amy called and so we ended up working out. I'm glad, I feel much healthier now. Exercise is good, and I know it is so, even though you may not think it from how much I whine about it.
Thursdays I have only one class, so this week and last I hung out with Daniel both before and after Japanese. Very exciting.
Fridays I'm a bit fuzzy on, as I've only had one so far. Last week, it ended up much like Wednesday, except there was no Daniel (he has work instead of class on Fridays) and instead of heading off to Firefly, we all went to Spencer's house and watched Battlestar Galactica. I had class at 3:00, when Spencer and Jude left, so I waited for Cam to finish exercising with Jaime so he could drive me. I spent most of my time talking to Amy (big Amy) while I waited. Hopefully in subsequent weeks I'll be able to go to Anime.
Last Saturday I finished my World of Warcraft download and got on long enough to say bye to my mom before running off to meet Jaime and Jude. And we all drove off to Cam's party. Which was quite fun.
Last Sunday I went over to Daniel's and met Marilyn and her husband (and baby!) and we all went to Denny's. And I played WoW with Mom.
Last Monday I hung out with Daniel. We... did stuff.
And... that's it. Pretty much.
Tomorrow hopefully I'll get to exercise with Amy again and go to Anime. And on Saturday I'll have lunch with Sarah, and then go to SciFi with Daniel...
Hey, we'll have been going out for two months come Saturday. That's pretty nifty.
Oh, and of course I'll have to play with my Tauren hunter some. Don't want Mom's Tauren character to get rusty or something.
<wryly smiles>
What's going on in my life? I don't know. Life seems uneventful.
On Monday I drag myself out of bed in order to get to class at eleven. Since no one shows up in the engineering center before then, no point to get there early.
So I sit through comp sci, alternating between doodling on my notebook and glancing over at Spencer and/or Cam's computer screen... And we all file out and sometimes I'll say hi to John and feel bad that I don't go over to Kitt anymore.
After that I go with the boys to Farrand. Food is good. But I generally want to leave early, so I don't get to Japanese too late. It seems to make Spencer nervous. I suppose I'll have to stop hovering and just leave once I'm done with my food.
So around 12:30 I've been trying to leave for Japanese. This is so that I can get to the Humanities building before the previous class gets out, thus giving me the chance to say hello to Tsutsui-sensei, and Chris. He's not been coming to both classes the past few days, which isn't surprising, since he seems to be suffering The Cold From Hell (trademark). He's been put on Codeine, though, so that seems to be improving his mood at the very least.
And, from 1 to 2, I suffer through the joy of Japanese. I feel lost in a lot of ways... It's fun, though. I enjoy it. I sit near Eno and Chen-san, and there are a few people I've talked to who seem pretty nice: Lili, Megan (Casey-san), Joshua, and a few others. And Michael (Knudson, or however you spell it... the one from last semester's CSCI 1300 class) and Phil (of Kitt fame) are there too, though they sit across the room and I don't really talk to them.
So around 1:50 or 1:55 I tromp back to the engineering center and wait for Daniel to show up... Around 2:55 I head off to linear algebra and by the time I get back, at 3:55, I find Daniel and Jude chatting amiably. So I go with Daniel to his four o'clock class and go back to find Jude and hang out with him till our class at 4:15.
The Gamelets class, though we've only had it once so far, should be interesting. Eric (the president of GameDev), Michael (Knudson, again... I think he's in three of my four classes, it's odd), and Jude are all present. Plus there's a girl Gabbie, who came to GameDev this week, who seems quite nice. And I hear rumor that Cami, also from GameDev, is set to join us next week.
So last Monday after gamelets I ran off with Jude to dinner then we rode the Buff Bus together, and he trekked back to his dorm as I trekked over to Daniel's. That was entertaining. Next week, apparently, Genny will be coming over to have dinner with Daniel and play such fascinating card games as Nerds and Spoons (and Crazy 8's if I have any say)... So I'll be skipping the dinner-with-Jude part and just hopping on the Buff Bus as soon as class gets out.
Tuesdays are even more fascinating. I roll out of bed in time to get to the Engineering Center by 10:45 (hopefully fully showered and full of breakfast), where I hang out with Daniel till his class at 12:30, at which point I head off to Japanese. Joy.
Then I run back to the Center for an hour and a half of fun, from 2 to 3:30, until the boys and I wander over to our comp sci recitation. Last week was entertaining, we were challenged to find the millionth prime number, and Spencer wrote a program that was faster than the TA's. Granted, it took the TA about 3 minutes to type up his program, and it took Spencer 3 hours... Speaking of which, we didn't get out of there until 7 last time (the recitation ends at 4:45 for chrissake!) So we ate at Wendy's afterwards, and I was twitching nervously as Cam screeched to a halt besides the engineering building at 8:05. Oh well, I was only 15 minutes late to GameDev, at least.
On Wednesday I again roll out of bed for class at 11, and wander through my day. This Wednesday, as Spencer and Cam and I were filing out of computer science class at eleven (Jude was apparently ditching), someone called my name (and I have the feeling it wasn't the first time, as by the time I heard it, it sounded rather insistent), and so I turned around, and lo and behold! There was Chaffin. It was ... surreal. And cool. I'll call him sometime soon, and maybe we can hang out, catch up on old times, something like that.
Wednesdays are much like Mondays, except, there's no 4:15 class this time. Instead, Spencer and Cam and Jude and Jaime and I hang out in the engineering lobby until 5:15, when Daniel gets out of his class, and we all head over to Jaime's place to watch Firefly. And yesterday, as Daniel and I were wandering about after Firefly ended, Amy called and so we ended up working out. I'm glad, I feel much healthier now. Exercise is good, and I know it is so, even though you may not think it from how much I whine about it.
Thursdays I have only one class, so this week and last I hung out with Daniel both before and after Japanese. Very exciting.
Fridays I'm a bit fuzzy on, as I've only had one so far. Last week, it ended up much like Wednesday, except there was no Daniel (he has work instead of class on Fridays) and instead of heading off to Firefly, we all went to Spencer's house and watched Battlestar Galactica. I had class at 3:00, when Spencer and Jude left, so I waited for Cam to finish exercising with Jaime so he could drive me. I spent most of my time talking to Amy (big Amy) while I waited. Hopefully in subsequent weeks I'll be able to go to Anime.
Last Saturday I finished my World of Warcraft download and got on long enough to say bye to my mom before running off to meet Jaime and Jude. And we all drove off to Cam's party. Which was quite fun.
Last Sunday I went over to Daniel's and met Marilyn and her husband (and baby!) and we all went to Denny's. And I played WoW with Mom.
Last Monday I hung out with Daniel. We... did stuff.
And... that's it. Pretty much.
Tomorrow hopefully I'll get to exercise with Amy again and go to Anime. And on Saturday I'll have lunch with Sarah, and then go to SciFi with Daniel...
Hey, we'll have been going out for two months come Saturday. That's pretty nifty.
Oh, and of course I'll have to play with my Tauren hunter some. Don't want Mom's Tauren character to get rusty or something.
<wryly smiles>
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
recognition
So that's where I recognized her from...
The girl in Firefly, Kaylee, also starred in the tv series Flash Forward. Yeah... lame Disney shows are always fun.
The girl in Firefly, Kaylee, also starred in the tv series Flash Forward. Yeah... lame Disney shows are always fun.
Monday, January 17, 2005
safe and still
current song: Keane - Untitled 1
I just finished playing a session of World of Warcraft with my mommy...
It's fun. I'm a hunter tauren, so I'm a big minotaur with a wolf pet. I'ma name him something dumb, like "Wolfie," or even worse "Thorny." Just because I can.
So it's 11:41 pm right now. I bet Daniel won't be done with work for a while. The campus seems pretty empty... Next week I'll pay the $20 to replace my ID card, and then I can come home next weekend, and I can go to the gym with Amy. And I'll call Sarah up next week, sometime, if I can remember. We should hang out... I missed out on seeing a lot of people during break.
I can't understand the lyrics of this song. I should look them up...
I wonder if I'm too selfish... I can never be sure. Maybe that means I am. Maybe it means I'm not. Maybe it doesn't really matter.
I won't go to Japan and Asia with Jaime this summer. I want to learn more Japanese, I want to stay in an apartment with Amy, I want to stay in Boulder, for now. I'll see. I think I want to go to Japan, but... not yet.
Maybe I should get a job this summer. If I want to become independent...
I have really good friends. It's strange... I fit into this group, into multiple groups actually, and... I feel happy. I feel like I belong. When I hang out with Cam, Jude, Spencer, Jaime, Luke, 'big' Amy, Chris, Eno, even the Kitt group when I see them... I feel... like it's ok. I'm just... part of everyone else. I blend in, but... without fading into the background. And even... Marilyn. I'm glad I met her. It was one of those things, though, where Don was playing with syrup and keeping the baby pacified (literally), and I was swirling around my empty water glass and sleepily squashing Daniel, while he and Marilyn chatted about... mathy things. I worry sometimes. I'm nerdy... but am I really that nerdy? Ah, well. Time will tell.
I think that part of the belonging includes... getting harassed. It's 'cause they accept me. I'm one of the guys. I'm female, yeah, but I'm... one of them.
I like the engineering center. Late at night, you can just sit there undisturbed. There's the odd student curled up on the couch, but for the most part it's pretty deserted. The lights are off... it's dark, with that little bit of light in the distance for comfort... I just put on my headphones and set my laptop on my lap and settle back on a couch. I can look out the window onto the cold, quiet night, and be alone with my thoughts.
It's beautiful...
I just finished playing a session of World of Warcraft with my mommy...
It's fun. I'm a hunter tauren, so I'm a big minotaur with a wolf pet. I'ma name him something dumb, like "Wolfie," or even worse "Thorny." Just because I can.
So it's 11:41 pm right now. I bet Daniel won't be done with work for a while. The campus seems pretty empty... Next week I'll pay the $20 to replace my ID card, and then I can come home next weekend, and I can go to the gym with Amy. And I'll call Sarah up next week, sometime, if I can remember. We should hang out... I missed out on seeing a lot of people during break.
I can't understand the lyrics of this song. I should look them up...
I wonder if I'm too selfish... I can never be sure. Maybe that means I am. Maybe it means I'm not. Maybe it doesn't really matter.
I won't go to Japan and Asia with Jaime this summer. I want to learn more Japanese, I want to stay in an apartment with Amy, I want to stay in Boulder, for now. I'll see. I think I want to go to Japan, but... not yet.
Maybe I should get a job this summer. If I want to become independent...
I have really good friends. It's strange... I fit into this group, into multiple groups actually, and... I feel happy. I feel like I belong. When I hang out with Cam, Jude, Spencer, Jaime, Luke, 'big' Amy, Chris, Eno, even the Kitt group when I see them... I feel... like it's ok. I'm just... part of everyone else. I blend in, but... without fading into the background. And even... Marilyn. I'm glad I met her. It was one of those things, though, where Don was playing with syrup and keeping the baby pacified (literally), and I was swirling around my empty water glass and sleepily squashing Daniel, while he and Marilyn chatted about... mathy things. I worry sometimes. I'm nerdy... but am I really that nerdy? Ah, well. Time will tell.
I think that part of the belonging includes... getting harassed. It's 'cause they accept me. I'm one of the guys. I'm female, yeah, but I'm... one of them.
I like the engineering center. Late at night, you can just sit there undisturbed. There's the odd student curled up on the couch, but for the most part it's pretty deserted. The lights are off... it's dark, with that little bit of light in the distance for comfort... I just put on my headphones and set my laptop on my lap and settle back on a couch. I can look out the window onto the cold, quiet night, and be alone with my thoughts.
It's beautiful...
Sunday, January 16, 2005
hangover
Cam is so going to regret tonight come tomorrow morning... He's incredibly entertaining while drunk though... The biggest changes, that I could tell, was his lack of coordination, and his willingness to admit that Daniel had indeed come to him and told him that he liked me. See, when he's sober, he just clams up. I'm glad; it means I can tell him silly things and not worry about him telling anyone. But... when he's drunk, he... is a little bit more willing to ramble on.
The highlight of the party? Hearing a drunken Cam discuss how glad he was that Daniel and I were dating. Though Napoleon Dynamite was pretty awesome too.
There's more to say... but I'm so tired...
Vote for Pedro.
The highlight of the party? Hearing a drunken Cam discuss how glad he was that Daniel and I were dating. Though Napoleon Dynamite was pretty awesome too.
There's more to say... but I'm so tired...
Vote for Pedro.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
like dominique
I don't want to talk about it anymore... It's like... others don't know how precious it is. They just wreck it. They can see it, but without comprehending how wonderful it is. They can look at him without seeing how wonderful he is...
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore...
It's good to talk to him, even as my world seems to be drifting apart... He pushes the pieces back together again. Maybe they'll stay someday.
Some days I just want to hide away, hide from everything, hide from the world, just crawl into bed and sleep and think and dream... But then I remember him, and I come back. I'm glad... It would be nice to pull away, but it wouldn't be real. I shouldn't escape from reality. I don't want to, really. I just think it would be easier... It's so... simple to fall into the trap of doing what's easy. But I know it's not really what I want.
One of these days I'll figure out what it is I want... and I think that when I do he'll still be there, waiting for me. It's a nice feeling. It's nice to know.
i'll be waiting there. i'll be waiting there for you.
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore...
It's good to talk to him, even as my world seems to be drifting apart... He pushes the pieces back together again. Maybe they'll stay someday.
Some days I just want to hide away, hide from everything, hide from the world, just crawl into bed and sleep and think and dream... But then I remember him, and I come back. I'm glad... It would be nice to pull away, but it wouldn't be real. I shouldn't escape from reality. I don't want to, really. I just think it would be easier... It's so... simple to fall into the trap of doing what's easy. But I know it's not really what I want.
One of these days I'll figure out what it is I want... and I think that when I do he'll still be there, waiting for me. It's a nice feeling. It's nice to know.
i'll be waiting there. i'll be waiting there for you.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
at last
I didn't get to see who got hit 8888...
I'm tired. Very tired... I still need to do Japanese homework, and data structures homework, and gamelets homework.
It's 2:30 in the morning, and The Parent 'Hood is on our tv. Why?
Today Spencer finally figured it out. I came into the engineering center wearing a plaid flannel... He asked me why the hippie skirt, and then pointed out the flannel.
"Are you trying to be like Daniel, here?" he said, tugging on my sleeve.
"No... I'm not trying, this is Daniel's."
"Oh my god... Are you and Daniel... dating?" came his question, a horrified expression on his face.
I don't know. And apparently Jude only confirmed his suspicions yesterday...
The thing that bothered me was the way they both shuddered, when they thought about the concept of "us." Why is it a bad thing?
I'm tired. Very tired... I still need to do Japanese homework, and data structures homework, and gamelets homework.
It's 2:30 in the morning, and The Parent 'Hood is on our tv. Why?
Today Spencer finally figured it out. I came into the engineering center wearing a plaid flannel... He asked me why the hippie skirt, and then pointed out the flannel.
"Are you trying to be like Daniel, here?" he said, tugging on my sleeve.
"No... I'm not trying, this is Daniel's."
"Oh my god... Are you and Daniel... dating?" came his question, a horrified expression on his face.
I don't know. And apparently Jude only confirmed his suspicions yesterday...
The thing that bothered me was the way they both shuddered, when they thought about the concept of "us." Why is it a bad thing?
Saturday, January 08, 2005
new beginnings
current song: The Stills - Talk To Me
So, happy new year, everyone. I'm making the terrible mistake of installing World of Warcraft onto my laptop. And yes, this is the computer I take to school. Eesh. But I don't get my own account; Mom expects that to limit my playtime some. I certainly hope so...
When I try to look up my textbooks online, the only book listed is for Comp Sci. That's gotta be wrong. No books for Linear Algebra? No books for Japanese? I don't think so.
So I got my grades back for last semester... B for CSCI 1300 (Computer Science 1: Programming [4 credits]), B for APPM 2350 (Calculus III [4 credits]), A for JPNS 1010 (Beginning Japanese I [5 credits]), A for CSCI 2830 (Computer Science as a Field of Work and Study [1 credit]). And I passed APPM 2450 (Calc III Computer Lab [1 credit]). Which makes my college GPA so far a 3.429. I'm pretty okay with that, considering I only need a 3.0 to keep my scholarships. I've never really been a straight A student, after all... and I'm pretty happy to have gotten more than one A. But, you know, that's just me. I'm sure I could do better, but that's what next semester's for. And it's especially good since I was expecting a C+ or B- in Calc and a B, max, for the 2830 class. And remember, children, pluses and minuses count in college.
Since Borders was having a "Buy 3 movies get one free!" sale, I bought 4 DVDs the other day, and went back three days later and bought two graphic novels and an EP (not an album, mind you, EPs are smaller and cheaper). The movies: Fight Club (I still need to get the director's cut, but now that can wait), Run Lola Run (gotta love the foreign films!), Powder (just for the heck of it, and because it was only $12.99), and What Dreams May Come (never seen it, but heard really good things, and hey, it was the free one). The graphic novels: Numbers one and two of Saikano. It was such a good anime, and I wanted to see what it was like in manga form. Plus, on the Saikano DVD's badly translated interview of the writer of the manga, it was implied that the endings of the anime and manga were different. I may have to wait a while for all the graphic novels to come out, but hey, it works. And the EP: The Stills - Rememberance, with Still In Love Song (from their album, which I already had), Kiler Bees, Talk To Me, and Still In Love Song [12" Extended Remix]. But it was only $4 and I love the Stills' album that I bought. Now... this is a lot of stuff to buy, and rather impulsive seeming, I'm sure, but... I have gift certificates! I finally finished off the ones I got for my birthday for Borders ($125 from my birthday for Borders alone, and I still had over $30 left when I got the DVDs), and since my parents gave me some for Christmas, I felt it was time for some spendin'...
Ah, I suppose I should plan my spending better... Maybe I should start a budget or something. Now wouldn't that be weird?
So, happy new year, everyone. I'm making the terrible mistake of installing World of Warcraft onto my laptop. And yes, this is the computer I take to school. Eesh. But I don't get my own account; Mom expects that to limit my playtime some. I certainly hope so...
When I try to look up my textbooks online, the only book listed is for Comp Sci. That's gotta be wrong. No books for Linear Algebra? No books for Japanese? I don't think so.
So I got my grades back for last semester... B for CSCI 1300 (Computer Science 1: Programming [4 credits]), B for APPM 2350 (Calculus III [4 credits]), A for JPNS 1010 (Beginning Japanese I [5 credits]), A for CSCI 2830 (Computer Science as a Field of Work and Study [1 credit]). And I passed APPM 2450 (Calc III Computer Lab [1 credit]). Which makes my college GPA so far a 3.429. I'm pretty okay with that, considering I only need a 3.0 to keep my scholarships. I've never really been a straight A student, after all... and I'm pretty happy to have gotten more than one A. But, you know, that's just me. I'm sure I could do better, but that's what next semester's for. And it's especially good since I was expecting a C+ or B- in Calc and a B, max, for the 2830 class. And remember, children, pluses and minuses count in college.
Since Borders was having a "Buy 3 movies get one free!" sale, I bought 4 DVDs the other day, and went back three days later and bought two graphic novels and an EP (not an album, mind you, EPs are smaller and cheaper). The movies: Fight Club (I still need to get the director's cut, but now that can wait), Run Lola Run (gotta love the foreign films!), Powder (just for the heck of it, and because it was only $12.99), and What Dreams May Come (never seen it, but heard really good things, and hey, it was the free one). The graphic novels: Numbers one and two of Saikano. It was such a good anime, and I wanted to see what it was like in manga form. Plus, on the Saikano DVD's badly translated interview of the writer of the manga, it was implied that the endings of the anime and manga were different. I may have to wait a while for all the graphic novels to come out, but hey, it works. And the EP: The Stills - Rememberance, with Still In Love Song (from their album, which I already had), Kiler Bees, Talk To Me, and Still In Love Song [12" Extended Remix]. But it was only $4 and I love the Stills' album that I bought. Now... this is a lot of stuff to buy, and rather impulsive seeming, I'm sure, but... I have gift certificates! I finally finished off the ones I got for my birthday for Borders ($125 from my birthday for Borders alone, and I still had over $30 left when I got the DVDs), and since my parents gave me some for Christmas, I felt it was time for some spendin'...
Ah, I suppose I should plan my spending better... Maybe I should start a budget or something. Now wouldn't that be weird?
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