I find that I don't post much when I'm on vacation. During school, I'll post daily, but when there's no schoolwork to be done I just don't get around to blogging.
I've been playing Animal Crossing and SSX3 far too much for my own good. I really need to read East of Eden and do that damned DBQ.
I was going to volunteer for Trick or Treat Street, but they already had enough volunteers. I was going to go horseback riding with my mother, but the instructor was evil incarnate and we wasted about $230 and a lot of time. I was going to do some homework today, but I procrastinated it even more. However, I have succeeded in getting a peak 2 pass for Zoe... Does that count for anything?
My days seem to be rather meaningless, my life may end up being rather meaningless... but I'm starting to question whether this is a bad thing. Most people live their lives without achieving anything great or even finding a driving purpose to guide them. At least, that's my impression of the world. So, why should I be discontent with a similarly pointless existence? If the main goal of our species is to procreate, why should I feel a need to do anything more significant than produce a line of depressed descendants? It bothers me to think that I won't amount to anything important, but at the same time, I can feel myself care less and less about trying. As my agitation increases, my ambition decreases. Or something like that.
Ah, well. Don't start getting depressed, or anything. Think about cake, or something, instead. Isn't that better? Mmmm... Cake...
Thursday, October 30, 2003
Friday, October 24, 2003
voice recognition blows
So, I am using voice recognition. It's really terrible. However, I am learning how to use it Without stabbing it to death.
yes This really does suck
Ok, I'm done. I put the type that was spoken in italics. After getting frustrated with saying "backspace" too many times, I just started using the keyboard. Very sad.
fall break is here! Hoorah!
yes This really does suck
Ok, I'm done. I put the type that was spoken in italics. After getting frustrated with saying "backspace" too many times, I just started using the keyboard. Very sad.
fall break is here! Hoorah!
Thursday, October 23, 2003
between the bars
So, apparently, I have homework over break. Gore gave us a DBQ. Dammit. Due monday... Oh, but, that monday we have knowledge bowl. So I'm happy now. Yes, it's true, knowledge bowl makes me happy. In history earlier this week we were talking about splitting up the smart people into separate teams. "I want to be on Michael's team!" "Katsnelson?" "No, he's mean!" "He's not that bad, he's a lot better than last year..." It was kind of funny. But I guess I will have to come early, or every girl in the class will claim Chaffin 'fore I do.
But, good news: no homework for tomorrow. Hoorah. At least, if there is homework, I ain't doin' it. Nope. No siree. I don't think there is, though. At most, there's math. And y'know what? I'm not doing it! Ha!
Nikki didn't call me last night. That made me sad. We need to do something over break.
... Elliott Smith. That makes me very sad. I just hope nobody I know feels like they need to do something like that.
On a happier note, today our comp sci class walked over to Juice Stop. It was good times. Jason and Ian (C.) were arguing over whose smoothies were better: Juice Stop or Bagelicious. I have a feeling both of them were biased, because Jason works for Bagelicious, and Ian works for Juice Stop, and they were both arguing for their own store. But Ann and Vicki played speed, and Greg and Aaron played chess, and we all drank expensive smoothies. Very fun. And when we got back, I watched in amusement as Jason struggled with his fifteen billion loops.
I changed my layout again, because I've discovered that I can't go long without a black background. I don't know what it is with me and light colors, but we just can't seem to get along. It's like the rain. A lot of people seem to see it as depressing, but I find it comforting.
But, good news: no homework for tomorrow. Hoorah. At least, if there is homework, I ain't doin' it. Nope. No siree. I don't think there is, though. At most, there's math. And y'know what? I'm not doing it! Ha!
Nikki didn't call me last night. That made me sad. We need to do something over break.
... Elliott Smith. That makes me very sad. I just hope nobody I know feels like they need to do something like that.
On a happier note, today our comp sci class walked over to Juice Stop. It was good times. Jason and Ian (C.) were arguing over whose smoothies were better: Juice Stop or Bagelicious. I have a feeling both of them were biased, because Jason works for Bagelicious, and Ian works for Juice Stop, and they were both arguing for their own store. But Ann and Vicki played speed, and Greg and Aaron played chess, and we all drank expensive smoothies. Very fun. And when we got back, I watched in amusement as Jason struggled with his fifteen billion loops.
I changed my layout again, because I've discovered that I can't go long without a black background. I don't know what it is with me and light colors, but we just can't seem to get along. It's like the rain. A lot of people seem to see it as depressing, but I find it comforting.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
attention deficit disorder
I was talking to Eric about ritalin today... It was interesting. He asked me if I was hyper a lot, at which point I informed him that ADD in girls is different from ADD in boys. Guys are more likely to have ADHD, anyways. But when I'm hyper, it's not necessarily in a way that people can tell. I get restless, and I feel like I have to get away from people. So I'm not just jumping up and down and bouncing around everywhere (though I have been known to do that, too), I'm getting away, trying to burn off my energy, in a way. Mostly, I'm not hyper, I just hide inside myself when I'm overstimulated. Daydreams, and hyperfocusing, all to block out all the stupid sensory stimulation of you peoples... Come to think of it, I was going to take a ritalin... two hours ago. No wonder I haven't gotten any homework done.
That's all, for now.
That's all, for now.
meaningless rambling, yet again
I finished my calc homework (more or less) and signed up for that trick or treat street thing at the children's museum...
I don't talk philosophically, as much, anymore. One might wonder why this is occurring. Do I enjoy reflection less? Am I keeping my philosophy to myself? Am I bored with thinking? Am I tired of learning? One would hope that this is not the case... thinking and learning are lovely, and should not be dispensed with. However, this is a troublesome issue indeed. Why is it that I have stopped reflecting about philosophical questions? Note the lack of horror on the part of my classmates, who in the past might have complained about the TOK-like aspects of this blog. Is this due to a lack of caring, an increase in acceptance, or a decrease in reflection? I believe it is this last item, for these entries as of late have been filled with such banalities as "I didn't go to art club today" and "I hate the extended essay."
Ok, anyways, away from that weird voice. It's scaring me somewhat. But I do hope that my blog doesn't become so uninteresting as to incur the wrath of, say, Matt, Ian, Paul, Chris, Ned, Sarah, Vicki, Ashley, Mary... um... Never mind. Though I'm not sure it matters anyway, because very few people actually read this... though I'm always surprised by new people who've come here and left random comments.
I really need to get to bed, but before I do, I would like to state that my mouse is spawn of hell and should not be allowed out in public. I'm too lazy to get a new mouse, though...
I don't talk philosophically, as much, anymore. One might wonder why this is occurring. Do I enjoy reflection less? Am I keeping my philosophy to myself? Am I bored with thinking? Am I tired of learning? One would hope that this is not the case... thinking and learning are lovely, and should not be dispensed with. However, this is a troublesome issue indeed. Why is it that I have stopped reflecting about philosophical questions? Note the lack of horror on the part of my classmates, who in the past might have complained about the TOK-like aspects of this blog. Is this due to a lack of caring, an increase in acceptance, or a decrease in reflection? I believe it is this last item, for these entries as of late have been filled with such banalities as "I didn't go to art club today" and "I hate the extended essay."
Ok, anyways, away from that weird voice. It's scaring me somewhat. But I do hope that my blog doesn't become so uninteresting as to incur the wrath of, say, Matt, Ian, Paul, Chris, Ned, Sarah, Vicki, Ashley, Mary... um... Never mind. Though I'm not sure it matters anyway, because very few people actually read this... though I'm always surprised by new people who've come here and left random comments.
I really need to get to bed, but before I do, I would like to state that my mouse is spawn of hell and should not be allowed out in public. I'm too lazy to get a new mouse, though...
Monday, October 20, 2003
meh
Don't wanna do the science homework, don't wanna do the history homework. Thank god that I have an A in comp sci for quarter regardless of how much I slack off this week. *cheers* I like that class. It's so easy since I know C++. Tee hee. And it's always fun to talk to the other nerds.
Also praise heaven for english. I'll read east of eden during break, I guess, but I'm not doing anything else for that class! Nope! Nothing! I refuse!
Today was a surprisingly good day. I discovered that red ink can be quite scary, as an evil man with a red pen gave me a 17 on my tok essay. Granted, it wasn't a very good essay, but still. I've never seen that much red on an essay. Course, Droege gave me 5 more points, and that's the grade that counts, but it's still frightening. Baylee and I bonded.
Then there was the ogling of Samurai Chess. Yup. That was fun. It was quite amusing to listen to Alex and Chaffin start going off about different chess strategies... I wish I were a better player, or at least, that I remembered some of the names of moves from middle school.
Today was knowledge bowl, and I was late, again, which was disappointing. Though I did earn a quarter of the team's points! Seeing as how we got 4 points... And the winning team got 21 points... Sad. Course, it's kind of hard to compete against a team consisting of both Krishna and Katsnelson... damn you smart peoples! Unfair advantage! All our team had was Shivani (who left early) and Matt. And me. Of course. Not a particularly strong team, excepting Shivani... S'ok. Next week we'll get 'em...
Oh, and Sarah and Chaffin were there... yay... that made me happy... even though they were on the other team... Dammit. I need to come early next time and get dibs on the smart peoples. But, anna and Katsnelson being there was also quite exciting, since I never see them! What the heck? All the biology people (okay, maybe not all of them) have been taken away from me, and it makes me sad, because I like many of the biology people. Alas.
But, damn you, Chaffin, now I have to do the math homework.
Also praise heaven for english. I'll read east of eden during break, I guess, but I'm not doing anything else for that class! Nope! Nothing! I refuse!
Today was a surprisingly good day. I discovered that red ink can be quite scary, as an evil man with a red pen gave me a 17 on my tok essay. Granted, it wasn't a very good essay, but still. I've never seen that much red on an essay. Course, Droege gave me 5 more points, and that's the grade that counts, but it's still frightening. Baylee and I bonded.
Then there was the ogling of Samurai Chess. Yup. That was fun. It was quite amusing to listen to Alex and Chaffin start going off about different chess strategies... I wish I were a better player, or at least, that I remembered some of the names of moves from middle school.
Today was knowledge bowl, and I was late, again, which was disappointing. Though I did earn a quarter of the team's points! Seeing as how we got 4 points... And the winning team got 21 points... Sad. Course, it's kind of hard to compete against a team consisting of both Krishna and Katsnelson... damn you smart peoples! Unfair advantage! All our team had was Shivani (who left early) and Matt. And me. Of course. Not a particularly strong team, excepting Shivani... S'ok. Next week we'll get 'em...
Oh, and Sarah and Chaffin were there... yay... that made me happy... even though they were on the other team... Dammit. I need to come early next time and get dibs on the smart peoples. But, anna and Katsnelson being there was also quite exciting, since I never see them! What the heck? All the biology people (okay, maybe not all of them) have been taken away from me, and it makes me sad, because I like many of the biology people. Alas.
But, damn you, Chaffin, now I have to do the math homework.
Sunday, October 19, 2003
won't you please
I saw the music video for Perfect Time of Day yesterday, and after expecting some 40-year old to be singing (don't know why, I just did), I was pleasantly surprised to see (in my mind) a hot 20-or so year old. Yes, indeed. Though I was also pleasantly surprised to find that he did "Help!" on the I am Sam soundtrack, which was the one song on the cd that I thought was more true to the original song than the original was. John had said that they had turned a rather unhappy song into a peppy, "beatles-y" tune, which didn't really fit the song. I remember when I originally heard the howie day version, I thought it was properly depressed sounding. Very nice...
There was a certain commercial on the same music videos program (I'd recorded it on the tivo... I love my tivo) that was... interesting. Suffice it to say that I found it quite nice, and that many many people probably wouldn't. I forced nikki to watch it with me, so she knows what I'm talking about. As for the rest of you... you probably don't know and couldn't even guess, since I'm not particularly open about that particular... aspect?
I did pretty much no homework this weekend, and god, what a relief. I've got to do this more often - work like hell for a few weeks, then do absolutely nothing productive for a few days. It's great fun.
There was a certain commercial on the same music videos program (I'd recorded it on the tivo... I love my tivo) that was... interesting. Suffice it to say that I found it quite nice, and that many many people probably wouldn't. I forced nikki to watch it with me, so she knows what I'm talking about. As for the rest of you... you probably don't know and couldn't even guess, since I'm not particularly open about that particular... aspect?
I did pretty much no homework this weekend, and god, what a relief. I've got to do this more often - work like hell for a few weeks, then do absolutely nothing productive for a few days. It's great fun.
Saturday, October 18, 2003
and a new layout, too
I dropped chocolate cake on the floor. How sad.
Fall break is going to be such a relief. End of quarter, no extended essay to worry about, no homework. Hopefully I can talk to people and DO something, because if this just ends up as another year of sitting on my butt all break, I'll be sad. Course, I'll be doing CAS stuff (I might be able to get 50 hours from this trick or treat street thing! eeee!) but it might be nice to have something of a social life, as well... anybody wanna go see a movie, or something?
I started watching Ghost in the Shell yesterday, but I didn't finish it... It's good so far, though. I wonder if artificial intelligence could actually be made to be like human intelligence, so much so that machines had "souls"? ... eh, I don't know.
What homework do I have that's due monday? TOK, calc. Though I should work on science. I might want to finish that lab.
I'm still in such a good mood. No more extended essay! Wheeeeeee!
Fall break is going to be such a relief. End of quarter, no extended essay to worry about, no homework. Hopefully I can talk to people and DO something, because if this just ends up as another year of sitting on my butt all break, I'll be sad. Course, I'll be doing CAS stuff (I might be able to get 50 hours from this trick or treat street thing! eeee!) but it might be nice to have something of a social life, as well... anybody wanna go see a movie, or something?
I started watching Ghost in the Shell yesterday, but I didn't finish it... It's good so far, though. I wonder if artificial intelligence could actually be made to be like human intelligence, so much so that machines had "souls"? ... eh, I don't know.
What homework do I have that's due monday? TOK, calc. Though I should work on science. I might want to finish that lab.
I'm still in such a good mood. No more extended essay! Wheeeeeee!
Friday, October 17, 2003
and with documented sources, too
Bwahahaha! Done before midnight! ... Just barely.
I just used up 40 pages on this... that must be equal to a small tree, or something. RIP, sapling.
So, 'sbeen an interesting week. Much has happened that I can no longer recall, due to the fact that I haven't been blogging and what with my poor memory, not much stays up there that long.
So... art club, didn't go, alas. That made me sad. I was sickish and ended up going home because I really didn't feel like being ignored or dealing with math. I had already skipped TOK, so it wasn't that much of a deal for me to just blow off the rest of the day, too.
But I saw Katsnelson during my tree-circlings (waiting for your mum to come pick you up can get boring) and we talked for all of two seconds. Wow. But, dude, he's doing french independent study, he's even more insane than I thought. Wish I still saw him, I miss his nerdiness. It made me want to be productive. Now I'm just around all the IB slackers. Ivey: "I still haven't started my extended essay..." That was monday, I believe.
So, tuesday, sickish, stayed home from school. Wednesday, still sickish, but came to school regardless. Thursday, less sickish, came to school. I brought oreos to TOK but was upstaged by Nick's bagels. Mmm, bagels...
Amazingly enough, in art class, even though I missed two days of the current project, I actually finished it today. This seems bizarre to me. The charcoal project took me two extra days. Do I just not care about tempera? Although I did use a lot of watering down of the paint, so I could just fill the whole bloody area at once. Great big splotches of color!
Today in math was the funtabulous computer lab graphing calculator day. I ran out of things to graph about 30 minutes into the period, seeing as how the lousy version they have currently can't even do z^2 or multiple functions at once. Talk about cheezy. So I started fiddling with cos and n, then got bored, and watched in amusement/puzzlement as everybody started using simpletext and making the computer talk. Brings back those good old memories from Lane's class. Something about hearts and spoons, eh?
So... some ditching going on in science wednesday, I noticed. At least two people came back later in the day. One showed up in comp sci and the other in english. For shame. But, what, are you people just oversleeping or something? I know the comp sci boy was.
But, oh, it's weird to know who Jason is now (course, I've known him for about 8 weeks, so can I really say "now"?) and then read Matt's quotes of him about the math final. I can hear it now, too, which is somewhat freaky. As in, when I read the quote, I substitute in his actual voice... Anybody else do that? It's quite amusing. Or if you read someone's blog in somebody else's voice, other than the person who originally wrote it, though I only do that when I'm really bored. Or not thinking. I start to read Anthony's blog in anna's voice once. Very strange...
Anyhoo. Next monday is the second knowledge bowl meeting. I'm not expecting anybody to come. If my dad hasn't eaten all the oreos by then I might bring the paltry remains.
I have decided that Greg is "cool". As in, he goes on my list of nerds who I find amusing.
And now, time for bed, because a) I'm still slightly sickish and b) I'm way too hyper, or something, to be coherent / comprehensible / understandable / sane.
I just used up 40 pages on this... that must be equal to a small tree, or something. RIP, sapling.
So, 'sbeen an interesting week. Much has happened that I can no longer recall, due to the fact that I haven't been blogging and what with my poor memory, not much stays up there that long.
So... art club, didn't go, alas. That made me sad. I was sickish and ended up going home because I really didn't feel like being ignored or dealing with math. I had already skipped TOK, so it wasn't that much of a deal for me to just blow off the rest of the day, too.
But I saw Katsnelson during my tree-circlings (waiting for your mum to come pick you up can get boring) and we talked for all of two seconds. Wow. But, dude, he's doing french independent study, he's even more insane than I thought. Wish I still saw him, I miss his nerdiness. It made me want to be productive. Now I'm just around all the IB slackers. Ivey: "I still haven't started my extended essay..." That was monday, I believe.
So, tuesday, sickish, stayed home from school. Wednesday, still sickish, but came to school regardless. Thursday, less sickish, came to school. I brought oreos to TOK but was upstaged by Nick's bagels. Mmm, bagels...
Amazingly enough, in art class, even though I missed two days of the current project, I actually finished it today. This seems bizarre to me. The charcoal project took me two extra days. Do I just not care about tempera? Although I did use a lot of watering down of the paint, so I could just fill the whole bloody area at once. Great big splotches of color!
Today in math was the funtabulous computer lab graphing calculator day. I ran out of things to graph about 30 minutes into the period, seeing as how the lousy version they have currently can't even do z^2 or multiple functions at once. Talk about cheezy. So I started fiddling with cos and n, then got bored, and watched in amusement/puzzlement as everybody started using simpletext and making the computer talk. Brings back those good old memories from Lane's class. Something about hearts and spoons, eh?
So... some ditching going on in science wednesday, I noticed. At least two people came back later in the day. One showed up in comp sci and the other in english. For shame. But, what, are you people just oversleeping or something? I know the comp sci boy was.
But, oh, it's weird to know who Jason is now (course, I've known him for about 8 weeks, so can I really say "now"?) and then read Matt's quotes of him about the math final. I can hear it now, too, which is somewhat freaky. As in, when I read the quote, I substitute in his actual voice... Anybody else do that? It's quite amusing. Or if you read someone's blog in somebody else's voice, other than the person who originally wrote it, though I only do that when I'm really bored. Or not thinking. I start to read Anthony's blog in anna's voice once. Very strange...
Anyhoo. Next monday is the second knowledge bowl meeting. I'm not expecting anybody to come. If my dad hasn't eaten all the oreos by then I might bring the paltry remains.
I have decided that Greg is "cool". As in, he goes on my list of nerds who I find amusing.
And now, time for bed, because a) I'm still slightly sickish and b) I'm way too hyper, or something, to be coherent / comprehensible / understandable / sane.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Thursday, October 09, 2003
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
must... get... sleep...
"I honestly thought he was gonna ditch again(to do homework, that honorary IBer!)." <-- Heh.
Apparently, I'm an AP scholar. How cool. I feel special now. ^.^
Yatta! Finally done with history. Well, for the most part. It's good enough.
Jeez, I had way too much homework to help, anyways. Not to mention the whole not having a car thing...
Chris was much more amiable today. We both got angry about the school paper. It was lovely, in a horrible, horrible way. Apparently it was better than last year, though. I generally avoided the paper last year... On the grammar front, however, I don't think I'll ever be as anal as Anthony. Just look at the crud I'm writing now.
Oh, and on a strange note... I saw Baylee and Corey at Albertson's, but they didn't see me... and a few minutes later, I was wandering around the store seeing if I could find them again... but they were gone. Hallucinations, perhaps? Maybe I should lay off the sugar.
Apparently, I'm an AP scholar. How cool. I feel special now. ^.^
Yatta! Finally done with history. Well, for the most part. It's good enough.
Jeez, I had way too much homework to help, anyways. Not to mention the whole not having a car thing...
Chris was much more amiable today. We both got angry about the school paper. It was lovely, in a horrible, horrible way. Apparently it was better than last year, though. I generally avoided the paper last year... On the grammar front, however, I don't think I'll ever be as anal as Anthony. Just look at the crud I'm writing now.
Oh, and on a strange note... I saw Baylee and Corey at Albertson's, but they didn't see me... and a few minutes later, I was wandering around the store seeing if I could find them again... but they were gone. Hallucinations, perhaps? Maybe I should lay off the sugar.
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
say yes
I kind of take back what I said yesterday. Not to say it doesn't bug me, and not to say that it's ok, but I can't expect people to be perfect. It isn't fair to expect someone to not talk about these things every once in a while. If I expect so much of people, I'll just end up disappointed in mankind. And I'll end up hating myself, too.
Sometimes I think that I can't hurt him, or that he hurts me more than I hurt him. That's stupid. I really don't think he means to hurt me, and I know that I don't mean to hurt him, but that doesn't mean that I can't or that I don't. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I haven't hurt him. And if I asked him about it, he might not tell me if he had been hurt. But he doesn't seem happy. So, new strategy, then. No avoidance. It seems better when I'm happy, so that's what I'll try. I'll be cheerful. It's better for me, too.
There was no art club today. This makes me sad. Although I did get to see Sarah yesterday for knowledge bowl... If anyone came because of my pestering, I'm thankful. It's nice to have people I know there. Course, in history, everyone assumes that the people who came who weren't from my class will return. Sara commented on how "into it" Chris was. I should ask him, next time I see him... I'm not as sure that they'll all come back. Heh.
Sometimes I think that I can't hurt him, or that he hurts me more than I hurt him. That's stupid. I really don't think he means to hurt me, and I know that I don't mean to hurt him, but that doesn't mean that I can't or that I don't. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I haven't hurt him. And if I asked him about it, he might not tell me if he had been hurt. But he doesn't seem happy. So, new strategy, then. No avoidance. It seems better when I'm happy, so that's what I'll try. I'll be cheerful. It's better for me, too.
There was no art club today. This makes me sad. Although I did get to see Sarah yesterday for knowledge bowl... If anyone came because of my pestering, I'm thankful. It's nice to have people I know there. Course, in history, everyone assumes that the people who came who weren't from my class will return. Sara commented on how "into it" Chris was. I should ask him, next time I see him... I'm not as sure that they'll all come back. Heh.
Monday, October 06, 2003
(don't run away)
Well, I worked on CAS and the EE, and neither of them is even close to being anything you could possibly consider "done", and yet, it's ok. I did something, at least.
because I need to say it
I really don't like it when you complain about people. All of you, any of you. You don't have to be so mean. And you're not listing the real reasons. There are very few people who bother me, and that's because they don't seem to like me. They're very nice people, but they don't like me. There is one person I don't like very much because he won't go away when he's gotten on my nerves. But he's a nice person, and I don't have the right to judge him. Acting slutty or asking dumb questions or doing what your best friend does or too much pda or being friendly to different people aren't valid reasons to dislike someone. If you're not willing to name the real reason, why say anything at all? Some people are my friends. My friends bitching about my friends isn't fun to hear. The people I have the most respect for, out of all of you, are the ones I haven't heard complaining about this girl or that guy. And if I ever hear you complain about them I lose a little more respect. I'm not saying you shouldn't be free to speak your mind but keep in mind that I don't like it. And every time I put someone down I feel terrible. Just because I don't speak up on someone's defense doesn't mean it doesn't bother me when people say mean things about them. I hope I never ever do it. Because when I do, and I think about it afterwards, I hate myself for it.
That's all. And I know I'm a hypocrite sometimes. But I hate it more in myself than in other people.
Other than that, today was ok. I'm going to leave him alone for awhile, if I can remember. I just don't know how to stop bugging him other than staying away. I can tell he's not happy and I don't want to make him that way. It's better for me too, because he brings me down when he gets like that, and I just make things worse by hanging around.
I'm not nearly as bitter as I seem. I'm actually in a much better mood than I was in earlier.
That's all. And I know I'm a hypocrite sometimes. But I hate it more in myself than in other people.
Other than that, today was ok. I'm going to leave him alone for awhile, if I can remember. I just don't know how to stop bugging him other than staying away. I can tell he's not happy and I don't want to make him that way. It's better for me too, because he brings me down when he gets like that, and I just make things worse by hanging around.
I'm not nearly as bitter as I seem. I'm actually in a much better mood than I was in earlier.
Sunday, October 05, 2003
damn allergies
I appear to be very, very allergic to Alex's cat. While I was over there, I couldn't stop sneezing, and now that I'm home I keep coughing. Meh. But I'm pretty sure I'm not sick because I stopped sneezing almost immediately after coming home. My mom's allergic to cats, too. Not all of them, just some of them. Guess that must be true about me too, since I've been around other cats and not had any kind of reaction.
I need to clean up my office now so I don't have to do it tomorrow before I go to school. I don't wanna. Meh, I'll just have to do it anyway.
We took senior pictures (again) today. So, yeah. But this time I actually liked the pictures, and no editing was needed, and my face wasn't unnaturally pale or contrasty or pimply. So, hooray! And dad removed the lenses from my glasses, so no glare, either. I really like this one, and I think it's going in the yearbook. The good thing about senior year: you actually get to choose what goes in the yearbook, so you don't get stuck with something completely horrible. At least, as long as all of the pictures you've taken aren't horrible.
I'm in a better mood today, I've noticed... This is a good thing.
I need to clean up my office now so I don't have to do it tomorrow before I go to school. I don't wanna. Meh, I'll just have to do it anyway.
We took senior pictures (again) today. So, yeah. But this time I actually liked the pictures, and no editing was needed, and my face wasn't unnaturally pale or contrasty or pimply. So, hooray! And dad removed the lenses from my glasses, so no glare, either. I really like this one, and I think it's going in the yearbook. The good thing about senior year: you actually get to choose what goes in the yearbook, so you don't get stuck with something completely horrible. At least, as long as all of the pictures you've taken aren't horrible.
I'm in a better mood today, I've noticed... This is a good thing.
Saturday, October 04, 2003
depression sets in
current song: no name #3 - elliott smith
I wasn't as happy yesterday as I've been lately. I don't know why.
I'm wearing the pedometer. Hopefully I'll walk a sufficient number of steps today.
I feel like I'm losing my grip, but I don't really know how to recover. Maybe I just don't want to. None of it seems very real to me. I'm not thinking about anything except the present. I can't just live for the present. It means the present won't change. I want it to change, but if that's so, I have to start thinking about the future too. It's just hard. I'm stuck where I am, and it takes so much energy to do things differently that I just haven't bothered. I guess I need to bother.
I find it strange that although I find two names equally valid for a person, I'll think one and say and write the other. Or I always refer to them using one name, but when I'm talking to them I call them the other. You'd think I use only one of the names, but when I think about the person I usually use the other name.
My mom says she feels bad for making Michael not tease the dog. My dad always teases her... She's like, "Let him know that he doesn't have to keep still and not go near her. She's never going to like him anyway."
It's kind of sad when you weigh approximately the same thing as your science teacher. Though I don't take off my clothes... ew.
I've been thinking about materialism and I believe that holding value in a cd isn't necessarily materialistic. If you want the cd in order to listen to the music, you value the cd for the music, the way the music makes you feel. That doesn't seem to be material to me. Unless you want the cd so that you can brag about the vast numbers of cds you've bought...
I wasn't as happy yesterday as I've been lately. I don't know why.
I'm wearing the pedometer. Hopefully I'll walk a sufficient number of steps today.
I feel like I'm losing my grip, but I don't really know how to recover. Maybe I just don't want to. None of it seems very real to me. I'm not thinking about anything except the present. I can't just live for the present. It means the present won't change. I want it to change, but if that's so, I have to start thinking about the future too. It's just hard. I'm stuck where I am, and it takes so much energy to do things differently that I just haven't bothered. I guess I need to bother.
I find it strange that although I find two names equally valid for a person, I'll think one and say and write the other. Or I always refer to them using one name, but when I'm talking to them I call them the other. You'd think I use only one of the names, but when I think about the person I usually use the other name.
My mom says she feels bad for making Michael not tease the dog. My dad always teases her... She's like, "Let him know that he doesn't have to keep still and not go near her. She's never going to like him anyway."
It's kind of sad when you weigh approximately the same thing as your science teacher. Though I don't take off my clothes... ew.
I've been thinking about materialism and I believe that holding value in a cd isn't necessarily materialistic. If you want the cd in order to listen to the music, you value the cd for the music, the way the music makes you feel. That doesn't seem to be material to me. Unless you want the cd so that you can brag about the vast numbers of cds you've bought...
Thursday, October 02, 2003
nitrous oxide?
Waiii! I feel special...
Today was quite exciting. We watched more of Pi (though we still haven't finished it... you'd think with an hour and a half class period it wouldn't take this long) and at one point Droege pulls out his pi sheet, and says, "I want you to get out a piece of paper, and write something down..." And he gets to 3.141 before Matt starts reciting what he's memorized of it. About 140 digits. Yeesh. I'm not going to memorize any more. I got to 100 yesterday and that's where I'm going to stay. Besides, I can't keep up with Matt's pace... How sad.
2nd period I didn't go to the lunchroom this time. Nope. I went to the math resource center instead, and hung out with Matt till he left for therapy. Then I was surprised when Shivani sat with me. Hoorah! We complained about the homework together, it was a bonding experience.
Then to lunch, and nobody's around. I'm like, Why aren't there people?? But Chaffin walks in, and about 30 seconds later Chris walked in so it was all good. Sitting at the table were Taifur, Chris, Anthony, Chaffin, and Joel, I believe. Good times. edit: Nathan was there as well.
Then the interminable wait as herds of teachers emptied out of Cavnar's room. He talked with a couple stragglers for about 15 minutes as we waited outside. And then he wouldn't even let us hold class outside. Where is the justice?!
Ah, but I tell my mom this, and she found it funny:
"So, a nitrogen and three oxygen walk into a bar... Isn't that a gas?"
"No! N-O!"
Drawing class was like normal, we've started painting now... But, after class ended, I was taking too long packing up and all the MSA kids start filtering in... and then I see Cagri walk in with Andre. It was freaky, Andre was the only white kid there.
Today was quite exciting. We watched more of Pi (though we still haven't finished it... you'd think with an hour and a half class period it wouldn't take this long) and at one point Droege pulls out his pi sheet, and says, "I want you to get out a piece of paper, and write something down..." And he gets to 3.141 before Matt starts reciting what he's memorized of it. About 140 digits. Yeesh. I'm not going to memorize any more. I got to 100 yesterday and that's where I'm going to stay. Besides, I can't keep up with Matt's pace... How sad.
2nd period I didn't go to the lunchroom this time. Nope. I went to the math resource center instead, and hung out with Matt till he left for therapy. Then I was surprised when Shivani sat with me. Hoorah! We complained about the homework together, it was a bonding experience.
Then to lunch, and nobody's around. I'm like, Why aren't there people?? But Chaffin walks in, and about 30 seconds later Chris walked in so it was all good. Sitting at the table were Taifur, Chris, Anthony, Chaffin, and Joel, I believe. Good times. edit: Nathan was there as well.
Then the interminable wait as herds of teachers emptied out of Cavnar's room. He talked with a couple stragglers for about 15 minutes as we waited outside. And then he wouldn't even let us hold class outside. Where is the justice?!
Ah, but I tell my mom this, and she found it funny:
"So, a nitrogen and three oxygen walk into a bar... Isn't that a gas?"
"No! N-O!"
Drawing class was like normal, we've started painting now... But, after class ended, I was taking too long packing up and all the MSA kids start filtering in... and then I see Cagri walk in with Andre. It was freaky, Andre was the only white kid there.
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
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