depression sets in

current song: no name #3 - elliott smith

I wasn't as happy yesterday as I've been lately. I don't know why.

I'm wearing the pedometer. Hopefully I'll walk a sufficient number of steps today.

I feel like I'm losing my grip, but I don't really know how to recover. Maybe I just don't want to. None of it seems very real to me. I'm not thinking about anything except the present. I can't just live for the present. It means the present won't change. I want it to change, but if that's so, I have to start thinking about the future too. It's just hard. I'm stuck where I am, and it takes so much energy to do things differently that I just haven't bothered. I guess I need to bother.

I find it strange that although I find two names equally valid for a person, I'll think one and say and write the other. Or I always refer to them using one name, but when I'm talking to them I call them the other. You'd think I use only one of the names, but when I think about the person I usually use the other name.

My mom says she feels bad for making Michael not tease the dog. My dad always teases her... She's like, "Let him know that he doesn't have to keep still and not go near her. She's never going to like him anyway."

It's kind of sad when you weigh approximately the same thing as your science teacher. Though I don't take off my clothes... ew.

I've been thinking about materialism and I believe that holding value in a cd isn't necessarily materialistic. If you want the cd in order to listen to the music, you value the cd for the music, the way the music makes you feel. That doesn't seem to be material to me. Unless you want the cd so that you can brag about the vast numbers of cds you've bought...