cam is not a slut.

Andreas says: don't take Computers as Components until you've taken a few more classes, including Databases.

Note to self: Leave Computers as Components for a semester where I'm only taking 12 credit hours.

As I walked towards my class I didn't look back. It was an interesting contrast to, say, last night, for instance. I'm not the one who's going anywhere. I'm already at my destination. So there's no reason to not look back, at someone who still has a ways to go. But when I left for Calc, it was a very liberating feeling. I had things to do and ... my destination was known. And even though I was going away from something... I knew that when I returned, it would still be there, waiting for me.

jessa: Oh, and... <waves hello to Jamie>
cam: She says Hi Jessa
cam: "jessa's Awsome" she says
cam: I tell jamie that she's full of shit :P

i'll be waiting there for you

current song: Moody Blues - The Day We Meet Again

I'm so lucky to have him... He really does make me happy.

So... it's been, what, a week? Yes. One week... So far.

Thank you.

yours and mine

current song: Moody Blues - For My Lady

We talked for 12 hours, with a one-hour break for dinner... Oh man. Fantastic, but I can't keep doing this... I'm sure he can't either.

Things are good right now.

Yet another entirely unproductive weekend. Dangit, I forgot my laundry!

And I really do think I have a better idea of who he is than she did. I suppose only time will tell.

Oh, I'd give my life so lightly... give it freely, and completely...

perhaps I've found what I've been looking for

current song: The Stills - Yesterday Never Tomorrows

I haven't been this happy in a long time...

Happy Thanksgiving.

some things last forever / why can't this last forever / nothing lasts forever / i hope this lasts forever

i won't let myself let you go

yes

current song: Travis - Flowers in the Window

I'm looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with my mom and dad. It should be interesting. There's lots of stuff to talk about...

I'm feeling much better about the decision I made. Maybe "better" isn't the right word... rather, more secure.

Time to do some math so that I can go to Game Dev and talk online afterwards.

there is time time time
to plant these seeds and watch them grow

let's watch the flowers grow...

wow...

I am... really happy right now.

Maybe... I didn't make.. the safest decision... but... it's ok. I think it'll be ok.

sore wa himitsu desu

<looks at counter stats> Did he get hit 8000? Dear lord...

Today was good... I woke up around noon, surfed the web some, went to the UMC and bought stuff, talked to Dad online, talked to Daniel online, talked to Cam online, ate dinner at Wendy's with Cam, went to scifi, talked to Daniel some more online, and talked to Cam some more online.

Tomorrow should be more productive. I've just got to remember to take a ritalin upon waking... Hmmm. And maybe I should close this webcomic tab...

I'm very happy right now.

frustration

It's odd... Not the most uplifting conversation, but it's certainly making me think. And... I need to stop being so selfish. It ends up hurting me...

I hate it. I want to judge these things myself... but I don't think I have the strength to...

And I still don't know what I want from life...

He was right the first time. I can't keep doing this to myself, because I won't be able to live with myself if I do... The funny thing is, it's one of the few things that I'm willing to waste my time on anymore. It's horrible, but it's true. So I guess I need to get to the point where it's ok to waste my time in other ways.

Ah, well, I suppose realizing that makes me feel better.

Heh heh heh.

So the calc test went much better than expected. I know that I screwed up one part, but I actually have a pretty good feeling about the rest of it. So I may actually get a decent grade on that particular test. Go me.

The Japanese still needs some major work (I'm attempting to memorize 24 kanji before the test tomorrow) and the comp sci as well (the AI project looms) but.. I feel much better now. Hoorah.

Amy and I will exercise tomorrow... I shall do the math homework... I will take the kanji test, mini test C, and oral test, then study group for the chapter test... I'll work on my code for comp sci, mail exercise 5, part 2, and work on the other exercises... But I will not see The Incredibles for the fourth time. Take that!

pondering

So I have a crapload of stuff that I'm unprepared for... Le sigh.

First off, there's the calc test. Bah humbug. I mean... I know what I'm doing in theory... But I've always had a rather difficult time applying concepts. So I may end up doing terribly... and the last lab just hurts my brain... Maybe I should ask for help this time... Though there's only one person I'd really want to ask, and I don't know. I take up so much of his time already and I'd rather just talk to him or learn about computer programming stuff instead. Besides... I don't know what questions to ask really. If I sat down and thought about this stuff I could probably slog my way through it... so how can I ask for help when it's just a matter of me not trying hard enough?

Secondly is the Japanese homework. I'm missing writing 1 and reading 2.. and tomorrow (today) the kanji progress report is due, along with another book report... and there's a test coming up at the end of the week. And what did we do today for our study group? Headed over to Chris's apartment to ogle Half-Life 2. And I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it, but... where's Eno when you need him to keep the group on task?

Third, we have comp sci. So I'm missing notes 5 part two, notes 6, notes 9, and I haven't written anything for the AI stuff yet... and I really need to. I'm looking forward to writing the code and I'm really loving Visual Studio, but... I've been putting it off and I need to start giving it a higher priority.

Well... you know, come to think of it, that's ALL of my classes. Wowie! What do you know? Eh... I'm still doing better than I did in high school... because I at least know what it is I'm missing.

And I still keep going to clubs and doing all this extra stuff.. haha.

But guess what I spent half of Game Dev doing? Talking to Daniel and Luke about math... and guess what? I had more fun doing that than playing Halo 2... Nyah nyah... I scare myself sometimes. Guess I'm just barely crazy enough to be a math major.

edit: No I'm not.

<grin>

oh my

It's strange to think that the guy who makes me happiest is the one that I don't want to become romantically involved with...

It's like what I told Cam in the movie theater when we saw The Incredibles. Before the movie, we were talking... about him, actually... and Cam was of course teasing me in the way that he has. And I said that no, actually, I did not want to have sex with this person or try to do that kind of stuff with him. Cam asked me why not. I replied that, in my experience, romantic involvement is not the best thing you can do for a friendship. He responded saying that I was too cynical for my age. It was okay for him to believe that, because he was 25 and experienced... but I shouldn't think that yet.

Well, it's too late... and it's something I wish I had known sooner. This is actually the first time in my life where I've pushed down any impulses I've had ... because I really want to "just be friends"... Because I do.

It'd be nice to have someone besides Nikki that I can really talk to...

Which reminds me. The Quote of the Day:

psychobunny2323: Jessa..I think he...
psychobunny2323: knows about my secret...
psychobunny2323: :(
kanashii ichigo: ohhh...
kanashii ichigo: your secret identity?
psychobunny2323: not that
kanashii ichigo: lol
psychobunny2323: but..
kanashii ichigo: that you like him?
psychobunny2323: not that..something much more serious
kanashii ichigo: uh oh.
kanashii ichigo: What secret is this?
psychobunny2323: I think he knows..
kanashii ichigo: That you're... really a Man???
kanashii ichigo: Sorry. continue
psychobunny2323: LOL
psychobunny2323: I think he knows..
psychobunny2323: about...
psychobunny2323: about...
psychobunny2323: I cant even say it
kanashii ichigo: your cheese fetish? Spit it out woman!
psychobunny2323: lol
psychobunny2323: ..the other man in my life...I think he found out about Chad (Michael Murray)...
psychobunny2323: he saw the picture on the wall
psychobunny2323: I couldn't hide it from him any longer

oof

current song: Radiohead - Let Down

I think... I'm not going to do my math homework. Sigh. I'll try to make up for it by studying hard for the upcoming test.

I wonder where my index cards went? I'll need them for the Japanese review presentation...

The more I talk the more I'm convinced that it's better than... past conversations. There's more substance, or something.

Where art thou Jude? You need to help us with the AI design!

Aargh... I need to do laundry... Must get more socks... It'd be so much easier if I hadn't broken my sandals...

I hope I'm not getting myself in too deep with this whole... double degree thing. I really really want to do it but then I think, "I'm not doing all my work right now! How can I handle any more?" But that's not the way I work and I know it. I've been doing a lot more work than I'm used to doing. I mean... high school got pretty bad. I could go for weeks without doing a single homework assignment. And this was back when homework was due almost every day. But... I still got through it all with half decent grades. And I got a better score on the calc lab this time. 79/100. And when I told this to David and Chris, saying that I was worried about my grade, they said that sounded like a high B with the curve. But I don't know if they're curving the whole class grade! It'd be really nice though. Huh...

The Jacobian brings back memories though... hmmm. Senior year was... interesting.

Cam is a nerd... Meh. "Does your other boyfriend know you're cheating on him?" Why do I have friends like these?

okaay...

Chaffin! You got hit 7777 didn't you? Nerd.

I am quite disappointed in this text based rpg I downloaded... I think that when I die DOS just exits... I wanna read my death scene! I shall throw things at the hairy caveman until he describes how I am going to be clubbed to death, cooked with some turnips, and served with a nice Merlot...

... Ah, I've fixed it... <reads> Aw, darn, I was just "set upon" by a herd of cavemen, not cooked or anything exciting. That was a let down. <tries again> Ah, that's better. This time I was driven insane by shiny things and split my head open in my rush to get away. Oooh, shiny...

So this was day two of exercising with Amy... It's going okay. I dislike running (ok, so it's not running... it's jogging and walking) but my chest didn't hurt today like it did Monday. Definitely an improvement.

giggle

I ... really need to go to bed...

So I decided it would be a good idea to combine my two IM folders... so now all my saved IMs are in the same folder with the same naming method...

w00t.

Family guy is incredibly entertaining at four in the morning...

I think I need to stock up on Ritalin.

clarification

You people are impossible...

Apparently I gave someone *glare* the impression that I had gotten myself a boyfriend... I ask that person... Whaaa? How did you get that from what I've written on here? Inexplicable... I did not, however, appreciate the "Good" which resulted from my informing this person that I remained single.

Additionally, when I hung out with Amy (as stated in a previous entry)... I did not spend the night, rather I left at two in the morning and went to my dorm...

I repeat that I have no boyfriend, and I do not feel any pressing need to change this fact...

And... In general, I am quite happy with things as they stand...

(kare wa toku ni ii desu...)

parental units

If by any chance you�ve been wondering �what do Rick and Sally do with all that free time they have on their hands now that Jessa has gone off to college?�. See what a excess of free time can result in! Watch the fruits of their pointless labor with mimes.wmv, swift.wmv and elections.wmv. Enjoy! Share them with your friends! Tell them that these are low bandwidth versions of the originals and thus are much less funny!

"I've never been one to think that wise people are just old intellects dishing out quotes or bits of unintelligeble mysteries to the younger generation, rather, those who know when they know not, realize that they are blind by recognizing they see only shadows, and deaf when they hear only beautiful music covering cries of the wounded."

comparison

I had two online conversations tonight... and... it's just humorous to compare them.

Both people are fantastic to talk to in real life, but... well.

I do tend to get more confused by him, though, even though I enjoy the conversations more. And what was that last bit about?!

In other news, next semester's schedule has been decided and looks to be quite fun. Same credit hours as this semester, but I'm replacing the math recitation, the calc 3 computer lab, and the comp sci freshman seminar with a 3 hour Spanish Literature Analysis class. W00t! Except... I'm going to fail. I've forgotten everything. But I'll have fun failing, at least! For the other classes, I'm taking a continuation of comp sci, a continuation of Japanese, and a linear algebra course... And I think I'm going to declare a double major in mathematics... I have so many extra credits from IB and AP, and I really don't want to waste them... which means I should double major in something in the college of arts and sciences... Hence, math. I mean, after calc III, linear algebra and a probability/statistics course, I'll be done with the math requirement for computer science... I'm good at math, so... I'll see. It's the plan so far. And maybe I'll minor in Japanese or linguistics or something...

*ponders* Luke's minoring in linguistics... The Luke from Game Dev, that is. Oh, but I saw him today... wearing more argyle. It's kind of sad though... he shows up and I immediately lose track of the conversation. ¡No comprendo!

Oh, and... I'm better than Spencer because I can sign up for classes 11 days before he can... take that! ... I don't really even care, but apparently he does... and I enjoy rubbing it in.

I voted libertarian (except for where it counts)

I'm not so scared any more... Don't you just love overgeneralizations? It's just a worry right now, and even if anything does happen, it may not turn out to be as bad as I expect.

In other news, math majors are very strange. And then I realize that I may end up being one of them... bizarre.

As far as the election goes, I'm not really that invested in the results. I'm fairly sure Bush will win, but I don't really care at this point. I mean, if he does win, then it will make Cam and Nikki happy, at least.

Observation of the day: Compton-san is really cool.

Oh, and argyle... can be surprisingly attractive. Heh heh heh.