Wednesday, February 09, 2005

utsukushii desu ne

風が聞きましょう。今晩は星が美しいですね。

Let's listen to the wind. Tonight, the stars are beautiful, aren't they?

I'm tired, and I'm disappointed in myself, but I think I'll make it through. If I can make someone happy, maybe I can make myself happy too... Maybe this time I won't sleep in. Though if I do, I'm not sure I'll care as much, considering how much I've been paying attention in class so far this semester, and how much I, or my classmates, seem to care.

Do you ever do something and wish you'd done more? Been left with the dissatisfaction of having put forth some effort, but not enough to produce any positive result? Have you ever stepped back and observed someone's unhappiness, and then, having done the observing, wished you could have done something to remove it, only to realize that it's too late?

I finally put up the picture I got from Srav's graduation party. It's on the wall, under my Amelie poster, between the paper crane from my origami workshop, and the beaded purse I bought in Mexico.

For an instant tonight, as I was copying Unicode shortcuts for Kanji, I heard noises in the hall, and it broke my illusion; for a moment I had pictured that it was late at night, and I was in the dining room, working on my computer, avoiding doing homework, and trying not to wake up my parents... I want to be back home, sometimes. I miss my parents. It struck me, how happy and safe I felt in that moment, and I only noticed until it was taken away...

To oft feel lonely, but never alone. That is college, sometimes. I wonder, will it get better?

No comments: