i'm not going to get a nap today, am i??? oh well. i'll make this short. i still need to empty the dishwasher then attempt some semblance of a nap. ok. here's the summary. i feel loved. yay. today was a good day. in science, baylee and claire actually wanted me in their group! it was lovely. mr. fox had said i should go with the back table (j.k. and ali and james and such) but he said, oh well if you want i guess you could be in their group. yay! so, i felt loved. it was a good thing. what else??? hmm... i talked to chaffin a bit... oh, in history ashley looked at my cd, and said it was cool. yay. still haven't showed it to spanish teacher. still think she's fairly evil. um. but i talked to baylee after history and walked with her to her locker and upstairs. cuz she has spanish fourth period. but she said SHE felt loved. i'm glad i can make someone feel loved. so that in turn made me feel loved. very strange, but hey, it works. ok, and eighth was fun again. i bugged srav. she's pretty good-natured about it. just calmly continues doing her math homework and exclaiming at the immensely long assignments. but i was SO spacey. aaargh. oh, and she said she'd send me diary of voldemort and professor locke's ... um... adventures in therapy? oh dear, i've forgotten the name. ah, well. well, she said she'd send them to me in an email, so i don't have to slog through millions of useless bump or squirrel or pretzel posts. don't ask. if you must, click on the link on the side. it's quite entertaining, actually. i've read 30 pages of posts for the diary of voldemort so far, but i still have at least 45 to go... so srav says she'll just send me the documents. yay! so that made me feel loved too.

i can't concentrate. i was feeling ok, and then it suddenly felt like there was this big black hole inside me, gnawing at my stomach. it was very upsetting. oh, well. i should have more homework done by now. it's so hard though. maybe i should take a ritalin. huh. i don't even know if they work, really. maybe it's just a placebo effect. maybe i'm depressed, and don't have ADD. maybe it doesn't matter. i'll have to claw my way through somehow. it probably doesn't help that i like sad music. i don't ever really listen to really happy music. not anymore. and i'm sick of all the happy songs anyway.

*sigh*

i suppose i'll just admit defeat and take a ritalin. stupid ritalin. oh, well. if nothing else, it'll keep me awake.

the emptiness in my stomach is almost gone. but i don't know. is it stress? is it an ulcer? is it air? should i burp?

ah, well. life is full of mysteries.

hmm. some things i forgot to mention:

• joel has his license! hooray! but now this makes me feel all alone... oh, well. there's still nikki.
• i ran into lorina today. that was nice. she said hi, and stuff. uh...
• i also ran into stacey today. she says sorry she didn't call me, she was waiting for nikki to call her. but nikki had been waiting for stacey to call HER. stacey says, "duh, that's impossible, i don't have her phone number." oh, well.
• i feel loved.

eh. well, if i think of anything else... i'll forget it again.

what to write, what to write??

i think i'll blog every day after school, and check my mail too. that's good. so it doesn't cut into my homework time. that would piss my parents off. it's great that they're letting me take naps. yay.

what happened of interest today??? hmmm. well, i feel a lot more comfortable around chaffin now. i must admit, i had been feeling kind of awkward around him, but i'm over it now. i talked to him in lit some, and while walking to science class. so, maybe we're still friends. i worry too much. i'm always thinking maybe this friend or that friend doesn't really like me anymore, if we don't talk or something. and i'm especially paranoid about him. which makes sense. but anyways...

aaargh. our history teacher is evil. i speak for all IB juniors. we have four bloody packets due next week. i'm gonna fall over. but i'm so happy! a miracle has occurred! i actually got an A on that stupid history paper! it was so evil. i stayed up really late to finish it and i was really stressed about it, all week till it was due. it's really weird tho, cause all the smart kids got c's on it, it seems. danny got a c (which made some people happy...) and so did katsnelson. aargh, i should call him by his first name but it's so bloody common that no one can tell who the heck i'm talking about. when i talk to him, i call him by his first name. oh, well. and poor srav got a B. she seems ok with it though, she says she should be able to get a C this quarter and still have an a come semester. which is cool. for her. yeesh, my grades aren't quite so perfect. but i'd rather have five b's than have to stress about maintaining a straight a average through high school.

for lunch, i went with nikki (and ry ry of course) to burger king. twas somewhat fun. but they called my magic cookie bar an insect bar. that wasn't so great.

ummm. hmmm. oh, srav noticed that i cut my hair. i don't know if anyone else did, but she was the only person who said anything. i didn't really expect anyone to. say anything, that is. i hope some people noticed, but didn't say anything. it's ok if they didn't notice either. i know that when other people get their hair cut i don't always notice. in fact, i rarely notice. eheheh. but even if i do, either i'm worried that it's been days and i've only just noticed and they'd be annoyed that i didn't notice earlier, or i don't get a chance till it's BEEN days and feel they'd be annoyed that i didn't notice earlier. so.

eighth period was much more entertaining than i thought it would be. i painted my thumb with pink polish, but then felt guilty about doing it in the library. i don't know why, really. i mean, what do i care? but i still only have my thumb painted, the rest of my nails don't have any polish on them. but then i saw srav and felt it would be fun to sit at her table. yay. it's usually pretty entertaining. and then megann sat down. and i got out my gel crayons. they're pretty cool - they write on black paper. me and megann got a piece of black construction paper (it was an M!) and scribbled on it in various crayon colors. srav decided the grey was ugly. so, that was fun.

hmm, and in weight training we now have to do actual work. it's ok. i did actual work last quarter. it's just kind of a pain. i worry about getting all my exercises done, too. oh, well. mason's a softie, if i talk to him and sound concerned he'll be nice to me.

i wanted to show my las ketchup cd to mrs. gibson, but she yelled at me so i didn't feel like sticking around after class, and i was too embarassed to go for a show and tell during class.

well, off to take my nap. hehehehehe. :)

ooo! get me away from here i'm dying
play me a song to set me free
nobody writes them like they used to
so it may as well be me
here on my own now after hours
here on my own now on a bus
think of it this way:
you could either be successful, or be us
with our winning smiles, and us
with our catchy tunes, oh us
now we're photogenic
you know, we don't stand a chance

oh, i'll settle down with some old story
about a boy who's just like me
thought there was love in everything and everyone
you're so naive!
they always reach a sorry ending
they always get it in the end
still it was worth it as i turned the pages solemnly, and then
with a winning smile, the boy
with naivety succeeds
at the final moment, i cried
i always cry at endings
i always cry at endings

ooo, that wasn't what i meant to say at all
from where i'm sitting, rain
falling against the lonely tenement
has set my mind to wander
into the windows of my lovers
they never know unless i write
"this is no declaration, i just thought i'd let you know goodbye"
said the hero in the story
"it is mightier than swords
i could kill you sure
but i could only make you cry with these words"
cry with these words
cry with these words
cry with these words

oh, get me away i'm dying
get me away i'm dying
get me away i'm dying...