We finished Spirited Away. That was fun.
So, still haven't asked. A summary of today's events:
English
Nathan: So, have you asked yet?
Me: No.
Nathan: For shame.
Me: Look, Eric bleached his hair. Teehee.
Allie: I'm so sad! Kym's gone! I have no one to talk about the Avs with!
Nathan: The Avs suck.
Eric: The Avs suck.
Chaffin: The Avs suck.
Allie: Shut up.
Physics
Baylee: So, have you asked yet?
Me: No...
Baylee: Ask him already!
Euro
Ginsberg: Do your work, or I'll beat you. Ha ha, just kidding.
TOK
Allie: I'm so sad! Kym's gone! I have no one to talk about the Avs with!
Calc
Matt: Where'd everybody go?
Ivey: I got a five!
Me: I only got a four. Damn... Oh, wait, I did my math wrong. I got a five.
Eric: What'd you get, Michael? Huh, huh?
Katsnelson: A four.
Eric: Oh. I'm sorry.
Comp Sci
Parnass: So, what types of computers are there?
Ann: Vaccuum cleaner?
Parnass: Uh, that's not a computer. Ok, what's the definition of computer?
*awkward silence*
Spanish
Gibson: Hoy, vamos a escuchar 2 entrevistas y 2 narrativas.
Chaffin: What's with the accent?!
Ali: *cracks up*
8th period
Gibson: Boy, do you have a lot of errors. Why don't you kids bother correcting it before you show it to me?
Me: Uh...
Gibson: Well, I'm not worried about your writing. But you need to get to the point.
Me: Oh.
Gibson: You ramble a lot, you should work on that.
9th period
Baylee: Me and Claire are going to be the best looking chicks at prom.
Me: Yeah! But I'm too fat to fit into my prom dress... I should buy a new one.
Baylee: So have you asked him yet?
Me: Still no...
Brandon: Asked who?
After school
Mom: So, did you ask him?
Me: No, not yet.
So... it was an interesting day.
Monday, May 05, 2003
Saturday, May 03, 2003
Well, anyways. I'm feeling better now.
I watched most of Spirited Away tonight with mum and dad. That was really fun. That movie is so cool! Dad made us stop watching since he has to go to do improv. Blech.
I really don't know what I want to do for a job. I've always had computer programming as being my back-up job. The one I'd go for if I couldn't think of anything else. It's not like it's a dream of mine to be a computer programmer. And there are so many other things that interest me, I realize. It's just finding one of them, and going for it, and seeing if I can make a career out of it. Even though I may never accomplish anything other people will remember me for, maybe I can accomplish something that I care about. I think I'm going about it all wrong when I assess whether something's worth doing on the basis of how important it is to other people. If I just did things that I cared about, I'd be a happier person. And that means I don't have to rebel by not doing what other people want. Just figure out what I want, and do that. I mean, sometimes I wonder if the reason I don't do homework is because it's what other people want me to do. But if I don't think of it that way, maybe I can get good grades and do homework and still be happy. I mean, if I dismissed all the homework I found boring but did everything I thought was kind of interesting, I'd probably be doing a whole lot more homework than I'm doing now.
Maybe I'll be a physicist when I grow up. Or maybe an author. Or maybe I'll teach philosophy. Or something. I just don't want to be stuck with anything just because I can't think of any other options. Options are good. So maybe I will be a computer programmer... but only if that's what makes me happiest. Yeah.
I watched most of Spirited Away tonight with mum and dad. That was really fun. That movie is so cool! Dad made us stop watching since he has to go to do improv. Blech.
I really don't know what I want to do for a job. I've always had computer programming as being my back-up job. The one I'd go for if I couldn't think of anything else. It's not like it's a dream of mine to be a computer programmer. And there are so many other things that interest me, I realize. It's just finding one of them, and going for it, and seeing if I can make a career out of it. Even though I may never accomplish anything other people will remember me for, maybe I can accomplish something that I care about. I think I'm going about it all wrong when I assess whether something's worth doing on the basis of how important it is to other people. If I just did things that I cared about, I'd be a happier person. And that means I don't have to rebel by not doing what other people want. Just figure out what I want, and do that. I mean, sometimes I wonder if the reason I don't do homework is because it's what other people want me to do. But if I don't think of it that way, maybe I can get good grades and do homework and still be happy. I mean, if I dismissed all the homework I found boring but did everything I thought was kind of interesting, I'd probably be doing a whole lot more homework than I'm doing now.
Maybe I'll be a physicist when I grow up. Or maybe an author. Or maybe I'll teach philosophy. Or something. I just don't want to be stuck with anything just because I can't think of any other options. Options are good. So maybe I will be a computer programmer... but only if that's what makes me happiest. Yeah.
Friday, May 02, 2003
Blech. My parents are fighting, I'm worried that I hurt one of my friends' feelings, I'm worried that another one of my friends will get her feelings hurt by someone else, I haven't asked and am really nervous about it, I hate this!
I hate the fact that it bothers me this much. I hate the fact that I can't make time to talk to him. I hate the fact that I might have hurt his feelings. I hate the fact that I don't know. I hate the fact that she's asking before me. I hate the fact that I'm such a coward. I hate the fact that my parents always yell at each other. I hate school. I hate homework. I hate trying for something I don't care about. I hate doing poorly because I don't care. I hate other people for wanting me to be what I'm not. I hate myself for not making people I care about happy.
I don't know, maybe it'll go away. It feels so heavy this time... Just anger and a weight pressing down. And I don't really care anymore. I'm just tired of trying. Always so tired of everything. The only thing left is sleep, and I'm tired of that too.
I hate the fact that it bothers me this much. I hate the fact that I can't make time to talk to him. I hate the fact that I might have hurt his feelings. I hate the fact that I don't know. I hate the fact that she's asking before me. I hate the fact that I'm such a coward. I hate the fact that my parents always yell at each other. I hate school. I hate homework. I hate trying for something I don't care about. I hate doing poorly because I don't care. I hate other people for wanting me to be what I'm not. I hate myself for not making people I care about happy.
I don't know, maybe it'll go away. It feels so heavy this time... Just anger and a weight pressing down. And I don't really care anymore. I'm just tired of trying. Always so tired of everything. The only thing left is sleep, and I'm tired of that too.
Dammit, dammit, dammit. I didn't ask today, either. I didn't get the opportunity. So now I have to wait all weekend, and it's already driving me nuts!
Another thing that bugs me: I have friends, right? Uh, hopefully. So, when I talk to them in person I get a different reaction from when I talk to them online. This makes me unhappy. It's one thing to express different ideas in different situations, but I don't like being able to talk to someone in only one medium. One of my friends, for example, is awesome to talk to during school. She's such a cool person and so entertaining and I love talking to her. But online if I try to talk to her it doesn't really work. Another friend is really fun to talk to online, but in person we almost never talk, and it's depressing to see him at school and never talk to him when I know we probably could. I'm probably making too much of a big deal of this, but it's kind of frustrating when you communicate with somebody in a certain medium, feel really good about it, then horribly fail at any other medium of communication. Maybe it's just that I suck at conversations. I mean, the best conversations I have are always me listening to people. So I can't really input anything. And in some mediums the conversation dies if you don't have anything to say. Eh, who knows.
I don't know if anyone has a crush on me, but if anyone did I sure wish I were less clueless about it. As nice as the guy I like is, it's really frustrating to sometimes not seem to exist for him. It would be really nice to be around a guy who actually cares.
I can't let myself get bitter though. Things really aren't that bad. School's almost over, at least. I just need to get a more positive outlook. Yeah. Something like that.
Another thing that bugs me: I have friends, right? Uh, hopefully. So, when I talk to them in person I get a different reaction from when I talk to them online. This makes me unhappy. It's one thing to express different ideas in different situations, but I don't like being able to talk to someone in only one medium. One of my friends, for example, is awesome to talk to during school. She's such a cool person and so entertaining and I love talking to her. But online if I try to talk to her it doesn't really work. Another friend is really fun to talk to online, but in person we almost never talk, and it's depressing to see him at school and never talk to him when I know we probably could. I'm probably making too much of a big deal of this, but it's kind of frustrating when you communicate with somebody in a certain medium, feel really good about it, then horribly fail at any other medium of communication. Maybe it's just that I suck at conversations. I mean, the best conversations I have are always me listening to people. So I can't really input anything. And in some mediums the conversation dies if you don't have anything to say. Eh, who knows.
I don't know if anyone has a crush on me, but if anyone did I sure wish I were less clueless about it. As nice as the guy I like is, it's really frustrating to sometimes not seem to exist for him. It would be really nice to be around a guy who actually cares.
I can't let myself get bitter though. Things really aren't that bad. School's almost over, at least. I just need to get a more positive outlook. Yeah. Something like that.
Thursday, May 01, 2003
Meh!
I didn't ask. I should have asked, but I didn't. And I can't even use the excuse "I didn't get an opportunity" since I really had more opportunities than normal. Even if they weren't perfect. Aaargh. So, not today, but Friday. Unless I lose my nerve. Again.
And two people have said he might like me, but I don't want to fall into that trap. It would be hard enough to face rejection as is, without any expectations.
In other news, apparently Katsnelson looks like my uncle. Yesterday after the math final Katsnelson was waiting to be picked up, and so was I, and so he came over to talk to me. Which was fun. And my mom drove up, and once I got in the car, she said "It's Uncle Jon!" How very odd.
Shiny gum wrapper material is interesting. Kymberlee was sticking it on my arm yesterday during TOK, so I just stuck it on my forehead instead. But, apparently the sun reflected off it during spanish and blinded Alex. Poor Alex.
Since I thought the tok essay was still due thursday (as in today) I did it last night. So, I don't have to do it tonight. However, it is extremely crappy, so I don't know if I want to redo it or not. Wait, yes, I do know. I don't want to redo it.
Quarks have such stupid names. I mean, really. "Gluon"? And then there's up, down, bottom, top, strange, and charmed. And muons and pions, because they're represented by the symbols mu and pi. Jeez. Almost as bad as "google".
I didn't ask. I should have asked, but I didn't. And I can't even use the excuse "I didn't get an opportunity" since I really had more opportunities than normal. Even if they weren't perfect. Aaargh. So, not today, but Friday. Unless I lose my nerve. Again.
And two people have said he might like me, but I don't want to fall into that trap. It would be hard enough to face rejection as is, without any expectations.
In other news, apparently Katsnelson looks like my uncle. Yesterday after the math final Katsnelson was waiting to be picked up, and so was I, and so he came over to talk to me. Which was fun. And my mom drove up, and once I got in the car, she said "It's Uncle Jon!" How very odd.
Shiny gum wrapper material is interesting. Kymberlee was sticking it on my arm yesterday during TOK, so I just stuck it on my forehead instead. But, apparently the sun reflected off it during spanish and blinded Alex. Poor Alex.
Since I thought the tok essay was still due thursday (as in today) I did it last night. So, I don't have to do it tonight. However, it is extremely crappy, so I don't know if I want to redo it or not. Wait, yes, I do know. I don't want to redo it.
Quarks have such stupid names. I mean, really. "Gluon"? And then there's up, down, bottom, top, strange, and charmed. And muons and pions, because they're represented by the symbols mu and pi. Jeez. Almost as bad as "google".
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