I don't want to talk about it anymore... It's like... others don't know how precious it is. They just wreck it. They can see it, but without comprehending how wonderful it is. They can look at him without seeing how wonderful he is...
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore...
It's good to talk to him, even as my world seems to be drifting apart... He pushes the pieces back together again. Maybe they'll stay someday.
Some days I just want to hide away, hide from everything, hide from the world, just crawl into bed and sleep and think and dream... But then I remember him, and I come back. I'm glad... It would be nice to pull away, but it wouldn't be real. I shouldn't escape from reality. I don't want to, really. I just think it would be easier... It's so... simple to fall into the trap of doing what's easy. But I know it's not really what I want.
One of these days I'll figure out what it is I want... and I think that when I do he'll still be there, waiting for me. It's a nice feeling. It's nice to know.
i'll be waiting there. i'll be waiting there for you.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
at last
I didn't get to see who got hit 8888...
I'm tired. Very tired... I still need to do Japanese homework, and data structures homework, and gamelets homework.
It's 2:30 in the morning, and The Parent 'Hood is on our tv. Why?
Today Spencer finally figured it out. I came into the engineering center wearing a plaid flannel... He asked me why the hippie skirt, and then pointed out the flannel.
"Are you trying to be like Daniel, here?" he said, tugging on my sleeve.
"No... I'm not trying, this is Daniel's."
"Oh my god... Are you and Daniel... dating?" came his question, a horrified expression on his face.
I don't know. And apparently Jude only confirmed his suspicions yesterday...
The thing that bothered me was the way they both shuddered, when they thought about the concept of "us." Why is it a bad thing?
I'm tired. Very tired... I still need to do Japanese homework, and data structures homework, and gamelets homework.
It's 2:30 in the morning, and The Parent 'Hood is on our tv. Why?
Today Spencer finally figured it out. I came into the engineering center wearing a plaid flannel... He asked me why the hippie skirt, and then pointed out the flannel.
"Are you trying to be like Daniel, here?" he said, tugging on my sleeve.
"No... I'm not trying, this is Daniel's."
"Oh my god... Are you and Daniel... dating?" came his question, a horrified expression on his face.
I don't know. And apparently Jude only confirmed his suspicions yesterday...
The thing that bothered me was the way they both shuddered, when they thought about the concept of "us." Why is it a bad thing?
Saturday, January 08, 2005
new beginnings
current song: The Stills - Talk To Me
So, happy new year, everyone. I'm making the terrible mistake of installing World of Warcraft onto my laptop. And yes, this is the computer I take to school. Eesh. But I don't get my own account; Mom expects that to limit my playtime some. I certainly hope so...
When I try to look up my textbooks online, the only book listed is for Comp Sci. That's gotta be wrong. No books for Linear Algebra? No books for Japanese? I don't think so.
So I got my grades back for last semester... B for CSCI 1300 (Computer Science 1: Programming [4 credits]), B for APPM 2350 (Calculus III [4 credits]), A for JPNS 1010 (Beginning Japanese I [5 credits]), A for CSCI 2830 (Computer Science as a Field of Work and Study [1 credit]). And I passed APPM 2450 (Calc III Computer Lab [1 credit]). Which makes my college GPA so far a 3.429. I'm pretty okay with that, considering I only need a 3.0 to keep my scholarships. I've never really been a straight A student, after all... and I'm pretty happy to have gotten more than one A. But, you know, that's just me. I'm sure I could do better, but that's what next semester's for. And it's especially good since I was expecting a C+ or B- in Calc and a B, max, for the 2830 class. And remember, children, pluses and minuses count in college.
Since Borders was having a "Buy 3 movies get one free!" sale, I bought 4 DVDs the other day, and went back three days later and bought two graphic novels and an EP (not an album, mind you, EPs are smaller and cheaper). The movies: Fight Club (I still need to get the director's cut, but now that can wait), Run Lola Run (gotta love the foreign films!), Powder (just for the heck of it, and because it was only $12.99), and What Dreams May Come (never seen it, but heard really good things, and hey, it was the free one). The graphic novels: Numbers one and two of Saikano. It was such a good anime, and I wanted to see what it was like in manga form. Plus, on the Saikano DVD's badly translated interview of the writer of the manga, it was implied that the endings of the anime and manga were different. I may have to wait a while for all the graphic novels to come out, but hey, it works. And the EP: The Stills - Rememberance, with Still In Love Song (from their album, which I already had), Kiler Bees, Talk To Me, and Still In Love Song [12" Extended Remix]. But it was only $4 and I love the Stills' album that I bought. Now... this is a lot of stuff to buy, and rather impulsive seeming, I'm sure, but... I have gift certificates! I finally finished off the ones I got for my birthday for Borders ($125 from my birthday for Borders alone, and I still had over $30 left when I got the DVDs), and since my parents gave me some for Christmas, I felt it was time for some spendin'...
Ah, I suppose I should plan my spending better... Maybe I should start a budget or something. Now wouldn't that be weird?
So, happy new year, everyone. I'm making the terrible mistake of installing World of Warcraft onto my laptop. And yes, this is the computer I take to school. Eesh. But I don't get my own account; Mom expects that to limit my playtime some. I certainly hope so...
When I try to look up my textbooks online, the only book listed is for Comp Sci. That's gotta be wrong. No books for Linear Algebra? No books for Japanese? I don't think so.
So I got my grades back for last semester... B for CSCI 1300 (Computer Science 1: Programming [4 credits]), B for APPM 2350 (Calculus III [4 credits]), A for JPNS 1010 (Beginning Japanese I [5 credits]), A for CSCI 2830 (Computer Science as a Field of Work and Study [1 credit]). And I passed APPM 2450 (Calc III Computer Lab [1 credit]). Which makes my college GPA so far a 3.429. I'm pretty okay with that, considering I only need a 3.0 to keep my scholarships. I've never really been a straight A student, after all... and I'm pretty happy to have gotten more than one A. But, you know, that's just me. I'm sure I could do better, but that's what next semester's for. And it's especially good since I was expecting a C+ or B- in Calc and a B, max, for the 2830 class. And remember, children, pluses and minuses count in college.
Since Borders was having a "Buy 3 movies get one free!" sale, I bought 4 DVDs the other day, and went back three days later and bought two graphic novels and an EP (not an album, mind you, EPs are smaller and cheaper). The movies: Fight Club (I still need to get the director's cut, but now that can wait), Run Lola Run (gotta love the foreign films!), Powder (just for the heck of it, and because it was only $12.99), and What Dreams May Come (never seen it, but heard really good things, and hey, it was the free one). The graphic novels: Numbers one and two of Saikano. It was such a good anime, and I wanted to see what it was like in manga form. Plus, on the Saikano DVD's badly translated interview of the writer of the manga, it was implied that the endings of the anime and manga were different. I may have to wait a while for all the graphic novels to come out, but hey, it works. And the EP: The Stills - Rememberance, with Still In Love Song (from their album, which I already had), Kiler Bees, Talk To Me, and Still In Love Song [12" Extended Remix]. But it was only $4 and I love the Stills' album that I bought. Now... this is a lot of stuff to buy, and rather impulsive seeming, I'm sure, but... I have gift certificates! I finally finished off the ones I got for my birthday for Borders ($125 from my birthday for Borders alone, and I still had over $30 left when I got the DVDs), and since my parents gave me some for Christmas, I felt it was time for some spendin'...
Ah, I suppose I should plan my spending better... Maybe I should start a budget or something. Now wouldn't that be weird?
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
wish you were here
Salutations from Costa Maya, México, or wherever the heck I am. This is, what, the third day? Fourth day? of our family's Caribbean cruise. It's not bad. I've purchased 30 minutes of internet access for my laptop, which is enough to send and receive emails and post the occasional weblog entry, as I'm doing now. Indeed.
Yeas, not much exciting has happened of late... well, nothing good, anyways. But, ah well, what can you do.
Mexico is pretty, or at least the water surrounding it is, the temperatures are a bit warm for my tastes (but, I mean, come on, I'm from Colorado, what do you expect?), and the food is on par with dorm food back home. Eh. There was a chocolate souffle last night for dessert, so that was nice.
Most of my free time so far's been spent reading and typing emails, eating, and exploring the ship, but we did go to karaoke a couple nights ago, which was entertaining. And today my family and I strolled out into Costa Maya (olé) to take pictures and buy worthless souvenirs at high prices. I passed up the chance to get a henna tattoo, though. Too bad...
Eh, well, here's wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, and such. Since it's too late for Hanukkah. And, eh, there should be Kwanzaa and... Ramadan? And, uh, maybe a few others thrown in there for good measure...
Eh, screw it. I can't remember anything.
Happy Festivus!
Yeas, not much exciting has happened of late... well, nothing good, anyways. But, ah well, what can you do.
Mexico is pretty, or at least the water surrounding it is, the temperatures are a bit warm for my tastes (but, I mean, come on, I'm from Colorado, what do you expect?), and the food is on par with dorm food back home. Eh. There was a chocolate souffle last night for dessert, so that was nice.
Most of my free time so far's been spent reading and typing emails, eating, and exploring the ship, but we did go to karaoke a couple nights ago, which was entertaining. And today my family and I strolled out into Costa Maya (olé) to take pictures and buy worthless souvenirs at high prices. I passed up the chance to get a henna tattoo, though. Too bad...
Eh, well, here's wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, and such. Since it's too late for Hanukkah. And, eh, there should be Kwanzaa and... Ramadan? And, uh, maybe a few others thrown in there for good measure...
Eh, screw it. I can't remember anything.
Happy Festivus!
Friday, December 17, 2004
Have Fun.
current song: Annie Lennox - Walking on Broken Glass
I had a lovely time today. Stayed up til 5 last night cleaning. It was.. something to do, at last. I think the thing that's going to drive me nuts the most is not having something to do, something to haunt me. I grow rather affectionate of that cloud of worry that follows me during the school year. There's always something to run away from. You can take as much joy in accomplishment as you can in flight...
So I woke up around 10, cleaned a bit more, took a shower, ate my biscuit, talked to Daniel, called my mom, bought drinks, met Daniel's parents, delivered my orange juice and animal crackers, walked with Daniel to Target, bought scented shampoo among other things, bussed myself back to my dorm, helped Amanda clean up the room, got fetched by the parents, ate some really lovely Indian food, got driven back to home, got online, talked to Cam, talked to Sarah, talked to Josh, talked to Shivani, talked to Daniel.
Maybe there's something terribly wrong with my life as I know it but I'm doing my best not to see it. There's just that nagging doubt that tugs at me... I guess I haven't lost my cloud of worry after all. Welcome back, my cloud...
I had a lovely time today. Stayed up til 5 last night cleaning. It was.. something to do, at last. I think the thing that's going to drive me nuts the most is not having something to do, something to haunt me. I grow rather affectionate of that cloud of worry that follows me during the school year. There's always something to run away from. You can take as much joy in accomplishment as you can in flight...
So I woke up around 10, cleaned a bit more, took a shower, ate my biscuit, talked to Daniel, called my mom, bought drinks, met Daniel's parents, delivered my orange juice and animal crackers, walked with Daniel to Target, bought scented shampoo among other things, bussed myself back to my dorm, helped Amanda clean up the room, got fetched by the parents, ate some really lovely Indian food, got driven back to home, got online, talked to Cam, talked to Sarah, talked to Josh, talked to Shivani, talked to Daniel.
Maybe there's something terribly wrong with my life as I know it but I'm doing my best not to see it. There's just that nagging doubt that tugs at me... I guess I haven't lost my cloud of worry after all. Welcome back, my cloud...
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