Wow, another weekend of getting nothing done. I guess I did some stuff... Uh, I drove for half an hour (woohoo! only 40 and a half more hours to go!) and I did the lit story. And I opened up my science book and looked at it. No, wait... Yeah, I did look. Gah. It's kind of hard to get myself motivated these days. And, as hard as my parents are trying not to distract me, I end up distracting myself, or getting distracted by them despite their best efforts. On Friday, we went out to dinner and shopped at Borders afterwards. I got no homework done. On Sunday, I played Dark Cloud or watched mom playing it, watched about 4 hours of tv, went out to lunch at Joe's Crab Shack, and got one homework assignment done. Today, we headed off for Golden at eleven to see a play, and didn't get back until six hours later. And then I took a semi-voluntary 4 hour nap. And in between all these things I've been doing useless crap like organizing my winamp playlist by time, and changing the color of my alex winamp skin. And, of course, I've been wasting plenty of time listening to all my new music. Urk. No wonder I'm not getting anything done. Of course, it's my fault for making my parents think I have time for long outings and wasting the free time I do have. I just don't see a change. If there is one, it'll be a pain in the butt to pull off. And then I'll have to do work, which will suck as well. So, to change: I get up off my butt and start doing homework. My natural inertia and loathing of transitions will make this part especially difficult. Then, once I make the change, I have to make sure I don't stray from the "good" path. To not change: I keep sitting on my butt and watch on in horror as my grades go down the tubes. I cry, my parents cry, I resign myself to a lifetime of working in a cubicle doing computations involving integrals. *shudder* ... Eh, there probably aren't that many jobs involving integrals that don't pay well, anyways, so I probably don't need to worry about that. And I know I'm not going to work at a fast food place for the rest of my life, because I'd suck at it and they'd fire me. So that leaves, in all likelihood, jobs that interest me or that I'm good at. And that actually wouldn't be too terrible. It's ok, my mom didn't have a college degree and when she met my dad she was making three times as much as he was.

Not that I'm planning on not going to college. Sadly, I'm not even considering dropping IB. It's too late now, really. I mean, I don't want to waste all the effort I've already put in. Might as well just finish it, then go to Boulder where hopefully it'll be a bit easier. There's no guarantee that it'll be easier but you have to hope. The problem with it all is that life isn't easy, and if you want it to be you never accomplish anything. It's only when you work hard that you do anything worthwile. And as much as I hate working hard, I don't want to be a failure in life, either.

Hmmm... even if I write about things other than me on this blog, I always write my opinion about them. Is this bad? Or does it matter? Does it simply show I'm a self-centered person? Is this unnaturally selfish, or is it merely instinctual? Why am I asking all these rhetorical questions? Should I stop? And go to bed? If sleep is nice, does that make the act of sleeping selfish? What is selfishness? Is it expecting people to keep listening to you when all you do is drone on and on and on and on and on and on and...