So, school, not so good. In history, I have a D, and in science I probably have an F, since I think I'm missing 7 assignments. Out of how many, 8? Tonight I worked on math and did spanish and attempted science, but only got through a couple problems.

What's starting to worry me, though, is the fact that I'm not particularly worried. I'm not in a frantic rush to do work and get my grades back up. I can't seem to care. And since I seem to care about almost everything, it makes me feel odd. I can't really say I'm upset, because since I don't care, I'm not upset. I just feel somewhat hollow, or something.

Oh, although I was going to type this up much earlier, homework magically appeared and I did it instead... What anna said on her blog reflects what I believe, kind of.

"The thing everyone needs to realize however is that yes, all you sad fucks are right: nothing matters; everything is unimportant, no one cares about anyone else, and no action has a true purpose.

"But the concept that everyone seems to be missing due to infinite density of mind, is that you have a choice: Be a dumbass and leave this life, or assign value to things and enjoy your stay. Believe it or not, no matter how hectic life seems (emphasis on seems, not is), your stupidity nonetheless surpasses the stupidity of your life as you happen to perceive it."

Although I might not have said the part about people's stupidity, I've been thinking lately, and what she said pretty much sums up what I think. That is to say, nothing matters in the long term and nothing is really important - which is why I don't believe in God or destiny or fate - but the reason we don't all kill ourselves is that we find something that we care about. Of all the people I know, I can't think of a single one who doesn't care about something. It doesn't have to be much; just one thing. Some people live for their dreams and ambitions, and others live for pleasure, and others live for changing the world around them, and others live for changing themselves. I think I live for relationships. I don't really care about accomplishments; I don't really have any goals or dreams. I expect to go to college, get good grades, whatever. But those aren't my dreams. They're all based on the expectations of other people. I've always struggled to find something I care about, something I could accomplish. But really, it doesn't matter. I'm not happy when I'm doing well in school. I'm happy when I'm with people I care about, or when I'm learning about myself and other people from my interactions with them.

So, eh. That's all.