The thing that hurts the most is when someone stops caring about you. Sometimes it's mutual but even then you wonder where you lost touch with them, when you stopped noticing, when you stopped caring. It hurts not to care. It's worse, though, when you think someone else doesn't care anymore, and you still do, but you can't express it. That's the worst thing, really, isn't it? And when you feel that you should be able to express it, and don't know why you can't. And don't understand why that person doesn't care anymore. So, it's the fear of being forgotten that haunts us. How could someone forget, when you have not forgotten them? And to love someone, in a way, and know they don't love you anymore. That maybe they once did, but now, you're unimportant, just a fragment of a memory that he'll never look back on again.

And even if you don't know that you'll be forgotten, the fear creeps in. And you can't contain it... That's what it is. Everytime you love someone, everytime you care, and are cared for in return, you know that you will someday be forgotten. Whether they die and forget you in death. Or you die, and they find a new love. Or they move far away and forget you along with the rest of their old life. Or you move, and they remember only those close to them. Or even if you don't have the same lunch period, and you don't ever get to talk anymore, and then you see them in the hall three months later, and you feel like dying inside. Because it's almost a certainty: they don't care. Because it would hurt them too much to still care. So you don't even say hi when you see each other, just deny the importance that either one ever had to the other. And you wonder if you ever really mattered at all, or whether you were ever worth mattering. And you can never speak to that person again, because you know you don't matter anymore and it hurts too much...

Anyway, that's enough rambling for one night. I went to bed too late yesterday (one in the morning) and since I wanted to wake up early today I think I'll go to bed now...