Monday, January 05, 2004

and you do it so carelessly

Well, today was weird. At least I have a week extra to study for finals that I thought I didn't have. Of course, it's also an extra week of school, but what's one more week?

I think I've lost something. I used to be so cheerful. Why am I different now? Even when I'm happy, I'm never hyper and bouncy and over-excited and spontaneous and gleeful. Maybe it's just that I haven't been that kind of happy in a while. I feel so restricted sometimes. Maybe it'll be better when I go to college. As much as I know I'll miss them, I'll no longer be around my friends, I'll have a new start, I won't feel bound to anything. I sometimes feel so chained to the people I'm around now. I have this enormous desire for freedom, but at the same time, I cling to the people I feel held back by. I don't know why I can't just let them go, but I can't, even on those days when I really, really want to.

Totalled, eh? Damn. I liked that car. But, as long as he's fine, I'm fine.

Why am I so upset?

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