a failed attempt to focus

Dear Jessica:

Congratulations! I am pleased to offer you admission to the College of Engineering and Applied Science at the
University of Colorado at Boulder for fall semester 2004. We are confident in your ability to be successful
academically at CU-Boulder and look forward to your positive contribution to our campus community.

Next knowledge bowl meet (as in, competition, not just after school meeting) is March 6, I believe. Anyway, it's the Saturday after, well, his birthday. Yes, that's how I'm remembering it. It's ok, it's just as valid a way to remember something as any other thing.

Speaking of birthdays, I saw Ali and Talia in the hall yesterday, as I was wheeling the teacups to be washed. They stopped and said hi, and thanked me for washing the teacups, and it was so nice. And, hooray, I was able to focus enough to say, "Hey, and Ali..." So, yes. She was really happy that I remembered her birthday (it's tomorrow, by the way... wish her a happy birthday if you see her, eh?) and both of them seemed really impressed that I remembered. It made me SO happy. I'm glad I made her feel special. One of those warm and fuzzy feelings, you know?

I believe Anna's birfday is Saturday, is it not? And then Srav's is on Monday. And Nikki-chan's is coming up, as well. She's gonna be 18! Yeesh. But, meh, I haven't talked to her in a long time! I just now realized this. Now I'm sad.

On a happier note, apparently, I'm going to be in science bowl. At least, if I can get my parents to sign the bloody forms. But, hoorah! That should be fun. Although, I suck, so that's not so good. And I don't really want to study for it... Hrm. Too bad, they're stuck with me. Maybe. If they don't boot me off the team, anyways. I'm giving this too much thought, aren't I? Or is it, 'am I not?'

I've solved the second row on the rubik's cube. I'm not sure what happened, but I don't think it's a fluke, since I now have 3 shiny little cubelets, sitting on my shelf, with the second row solved on all three.

I really, really, want to play D&D. I hope he hurries up with his dungeon mastering and planning and such. But, I have this irrational fear that he's going to come up with the next scenario, or whatnot, and then everyone else will get together, and play without me. Or that that's already happened. It's stupid, I know, I'm sure I won't be left out, but I still, sometimes, wonder. Some days I worry that I don't belong. Other days I practically suffer a nervous breakdown. It's alright, most of the time, when I'm actually hanging out with them, but I still get uncomfortable. And when I clam up entirely, because I'm too scared to react to all these people, I'm afraid I'm just coming off as a prick. Or something. Which makes it worse, but whatever... I'm babbling.

I like my notebook. It's nice to have a place to write my thoughts in... well, fiction form, I guess. It's prose, but it's not a journal style, or anything, and it's usually in third person. But it's so nice. It gives me a place to write about, well, the hot sauce, and the spoon, and the car ride, and everything else that I can't tell anyone, and can't write down directly. Because doing that takes away its beauty.

I need to finish my dossier, part B. If I do it tonight, I can get an A for semester... Otherwise, it's a B. Now, I'm not complaining about the B, but I really do need to get this done at some point, and it certainly wouldn't hurt to get a nice A to plump out my GPA. So, off I go, to finish part B, and then read the remaining 20 pages in Beloved.