well, then.

Hmph. It's been a long time.

I don't know. I just haven't felt like bothering. Or sharing. Or sorting through things.

Saturday, well, that was exciting. No, not this Saturday, last Saturday. My alarm went off at 6, but I managed to turn off the radio, then the alarm, and fall back asleep. My dad came in at ten minutes to seven. Oops. Well, about 20 minutes later I was on my way to school. School, of all places! And on a Saturday!

I arrived at the same time as Krishna, and then Abraham drove up, so Shna and I walked over to the other side of the parking lot. Abraham followed in his car, with Mr. Gore in tow. Matt comes five minutes later. Jylynne and Kristen come ten minutes after that. Av comes a couple minutes after that. Shaina and Megann come five minutes after that.

We get in our respective cars - Abraham settles back in the trunk part of Jylynne's jeep, I'm on the driver's side, Matt on the passenger side, Kristen riding shotgun, Jylynne driving. Av, Shaina and Megann piled into the backseat of Gore's car, Krishna in the front. And we proceeded to follow Gore up to Thornton. Dear lord, he sucks at driving. He acted like he was trying to lose us as he sped down laredo, zoomed down Smoky Hill to Quincy to Parker to the freeway, where he proceeded to change lanes constantly. Or he'd swerve to the side, or signal, then change his mind. I'm certainly glad I wasn't in the car.

We get to Thornton, but Gore is lost. We keep making u-turns, swerving around, changing lanes at the last minute... He pulls into a parking lot, swerves towards the curb (and the mallcop, or whatever, that was standing there), and grinds to a screeching halt. He finally gets directions, which entails more u-turns and general confusion. We finally reach the Thornton High School parking lot.

So we head inside, making cracks about how us girls are the best looking ones there ("Hey, they might be nerds, but you can get a lot of nerds here! You know, quantity making up for quality..."), eating bagels and drinking juice, and generally screwing around. We split up into teams - I'm with Matt, Shaina, Megann, and Av. We all head upstairs to do the multiple choice. None of us had any idea what the hell we were doing. It was great.

After we finished, we all headed back down and waited for the scores to be graded and analyzed, still cracking jokes. Our team only goes up against one other team. It was great. We made more points than the other team once, because they always played against two teams. Ha, ha. But, anyways, the first round we lost. The second we won. The third we lost. All was well with the world. Since we had five people, everybody sat out at least half a round. (Av sat out two halves.) It was especially fun to comment on how frickin bitchy the girls asking questions for the second round were, and how hot the guy from the third round was. Indeed.

Not even bothering to wait for scores/rooms to be posted, we skipped out of the final round (team A might have made it, but they didn't really care), we headed off on a long and confusing ride to what originally was Outback and what turned into Maggiano's. Mmm... Paid for by Knowledge Bowl. Shaina chastised Gore for eating veal (mmm, delicious baby cow). It was very nice. And everyone who went got 3 - count 'em, 3 - extra credit points. That brings my C on the final to an A! Hurrah!

So, that was the knowledge bowl meet. I'm looking forward to the next one.

Last week was finals week. I decided not to rewrite my extended essay. After suffering from semi-anxiety attacks and writer's block all week, I decided to screw it and just modify my existing essay. Better to have it done. I dislike having a picture of something impossibly perfect in my head that I can't seem to write down.

I don't know if I'll be able to graduate IB or not. It doesn't seem to matter as much at this point. But, at the same time, it does. The other day, on the way to school, my dad told me that he thought I "really wanted to graduate from IB." It's weird, because it's true. I've never thought I wanted anything. I've never really known what I want. But I guess I do want some things. I really want to graduate from IB. I really want to go to college. In fact, I think I really want to go to Boulder. I'll see, when I find out what colleges accepted me. But I was thinking that I might not have gotten in all the stuff for Chicago, and I didn't really mind that much. But when I thought that I might not have everything in for Boulder, I was really worried.

I think my ladder's changed. It's so odd... He's not on the top anymore, I don't think he's even in the top five. Maybe he'll do something to change my mind, but I don't know. I just think that when I hang out with him, or him, or him, I'm just happier. They make me happy. He just makes me tired.

... It's been a year. It's still weird. I can't say I miss him, exactly. I never saw him that much anyways. This Christmas felt like any of the other Christmases where our family hung out with Grandma and Grandpa and he wasn't there. It's just odd, that's all. The other day we drove by a church, and I wasn't really paying attention (I was trying to pay attention to the road), but my mom saw this sign next to the church. It said, "Was something missing in your Christmas this year?" And mom told me, and then she started crying. It's just really weird. I don't know... I guess I do miss him, after all.