The Ultimate *Which Harry Potter Character are You?* Quiz
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hmm... well, lessee. today was alright. i felt rather awkward throughout the day though. i hate feeling awkward. or alone. or bored. really, whenever i'm depressed, it's usually because i felt awkward... thus did not talk to people and felt alone... thus was bored since i had no one to talk to.
so, eighth period was hard to take. i stayed in the library for ten minutes, but i couldn't take it anymore and left. i wandered around the school for the rest of the period, feeling miserable. there was one good part, though, when i saw j.k. at the giving tree table and talked to him for a while.
i guess i have no real reason to be depressed, but somehow i just can't bring myself to be happy. there's something inherently unsatisfying in what i'm doing with my life, in the direction i'm going, and i can never be sure that i'm doing the right thing. and the doubt drives me crazy.
another thing that annoys me is the fact that i never seem to be "ok". i'm either happy to the point of being giddy, or monstrously depressed. there are times, like now, when i'm just a dull kind of unhappy. but mostly i'm extreme and it annoys me. why can't i just be normal for once? and not always be one thing or the other? things aren't black and white, but i can't find the grey.
right, another thing i've figured out, is that whenever i'm depressed i tend to think philosophically about it (or at least, my version of philosophic thought). but when i'm happy i think mostly about the trivial, inconsequential things that made my day a little bit happier. is there a pattern here? does shutting out intelligent thought make one happy? does focusing on the seemingly inconsequential things in life assure contentment? do philosophical thought processes cause dissatisfaction with the current state of things? eh, i'm done. really, i'm too tired to do anything right now but yawn, find a coat, and stare at my homework until my brain gives out. which shouldn't take too long actually.
