huh, well. this was not a bad day, at any rate. i went to art club, an interesting experience. this is the second time i've gone. the first time, both alex and claire were there, and this time, neither of them was, but i still had fun painting popsicles and such. and i'm starting to feel less - i don't know. something seems to be disappearing. something makes me unhappy when i'm around other people. perhaps it's the consciousness of my inadequate social skills. i really have trouble with people. but, it's getting better. you've got to admit, it's getting better, getting better all the time. course, couldn't get much worse. but yes, i admit it's getting better. hmph, i'm sure nobody got that, it's ok though. but, what i think is this: i feel nervous around people. and it screws me up more than it prevents me from making mistakes. so i just end up being miserable. but, lately i've been taking more risks and trying not to be so damn self-conscious. and maybe it's working. it's as if, every so often, when i notice it, my worry has just disappeared into nothingness. and i lose that awkward presence that is always floating around me. lurking at every corner, threatening to invade my inner peace of mind. maybe i'm not becoming a healthier person, maybe i'm just becoming more dependent on the social interactions i receive every day. but, there's no real way to tell. and, what really matters is not whether i'm doing the "right thing", but whether or not i'm DOING something. it's better to do something wrong, than to not do it at all and never find out if you could have achieved anything. no? isn't that what taking risks is? there are limits, but to never risk and thus never err is just as bad as risking everything foolishly and destroying yourself in the process... either way, you become nothing. one way, through uselessness, the other, through destruction. which is worse? eh, ok, that's enough semi-philosophical rants for one night. i've used up all my brain power so i'm going to bed. night.