oi! tomorrow is halloween...
today me and mum re-organized our 200-cd player. we have a system for organizing the cd's, but it leaves the cases all unorganized and they're really hard to find. so we've started labeling everything. it's cool. and we're putting in a whole bunch of cd's, including some of my beatles and blur and belle and sebastian.
mum made a chocolate cake from a mix, and i frosted it with a can of vanilla frosting. it's pretty yummy. and my dad may have a job! he got an offer from raytheon in the mail today. it pays a lot, almost as much as his last job, and it includes medical coverage. so... that's good. he doesn't really want it, because it's an architecture job and not a real programming job, but i think he'll take it anyway. and then we don't have to be poor.
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
today was fun. i listened to music, played kingdom hearts, ate lunch, walked the dog, played AC... then nikki came over. i showed her some places in kingdom hearts - agrabah (aladdin), the 100 acre wood (winnie the pooh), atlantica (the little mermaid), and halloween town (nightmare before christmas). very fun. we played some sims, and raced each other in gotham racing... i beat her, of course. i always beat her in that game. she's always smashing into walls and i drive more smoothly. it's cool, though, because the game lets you have your own music while you race, from cd's you burn to the x-box, so i had a blur soundtrack. fun. :) mum made shepherd's pie for dinner, not just tv dinner, actual home-made. it was SO yummy... i ate more than my dad, and he called me a pig. my mum ate less so he called her anorexic. and my dad gave me a caramel apple from work. it's the first caramel apple i've ever eaten. it was much much better than i thought it would be. almost too sweet with the candy corn stuck to it. mmm... but now i have a bit of apple stuck between my teeth and it's really annoying. i think i'll go floss now. then - to bed!
hmmm. i had a couple dreams last night. it's been a while since i've been able to remember them.
let's see... the first one i can't remember barely anything of. but here's a first: i dreamed about damon albarn. heh. i was sitting at some table, with damon, and some other guy across the table, and maybe someone else in between me and damon. i think someone had just asked me what groups i liked, or something, and i said blur. damon asked, "oh, what kind of music do they play?" he wasn't listening, obviously. so the guy across the table started guessing a whole bunch of genres, and after a bunch of weird ones, including salsa, i finally said "britpop" really loudly. damon turns and looks at me. i say, yeah, blur is britpop. he asks, "blur?" and smiles strangely. i'm blushing. even though i don't know how i can tell, because i can't see myself.
the second was rather strange. i had a car! very strange, seeing as how i can't drive... it was all hippy-ish looking. purple and pink swirls. and it looked kind of like a van. really weird. and i saw a few people i know in the dream: my crush, of course, cagri, ms. little (oh, excuse me, mrs. baker), and... uh... some other people. i can't remember very well. maybe baylee. i think a whole bunch of people went on some field trip or something??? and... yeah. but i remember computers, and surfing on the net, and telling cagri about belle and sebastian. and having no pants. i was putting them on when i talked to ms. little. and her cohorts. don't know who they were. probly dream people. might have only been one or two cohorts. they were her students, i assume. and i remember looking for my crush, and not being able to find him. and wanting to talk to him. but i never did. partially because i couldn't find him, partially because i was too scared. kind of like real life. i don't really feel like i have a good opportunity. and even if i do, i'm too shy. ick. it stinks.
oh, well.
let's see... the first one i can't remember barely anything of. but here's a first: i dreamed about damon albarn. heh. i was sitting at some table, with damon, and some other guy across the table, and maybe someone else in between me and damon. i think someone had just asked me what groups i liked, or something, and i said blur. damon asked, "oh, what kind of music do they play?" he wasn't listening, obviously. so the guy across the table started guessing a whole bunch of genres, and after a bunch of weird ones, including salsa, i finally said "britpop" really loudly. damon turns and looks at me. i say, yeah, blur is britpop. he asks, "blur?" and smiles strangely. i'm blushing. even though i don't know how i can tell, because i can't see myself.
the second was rather strange. i had a car! very strange, seeing as how i can't drive... it was all hippy-ish looking. purple and pink swirls. and it looked kind of like a van. really weird. and i saw a few people i know in the dream: my crush, of course, cagri, ms. little (oh, excuse me, mrs. baker), and... uh... some other people. i can't remember very well. maybe baylee. i think a whole bunch of people went on some field trip or something??? and... yeah. but i remember computers, and surfing on the net, and telling cagri about belle and sebastian. and having no pants. i was putting them on when i talked to ms. little. and her cohorts. don't know who they were. probly dream people. might have only been one or two cohorts. they were her students, i assume. and i remember looking for my crush, and not being able to find him. and wanting to talk to him. but i never did. partially because i couldn't find him, partially because i was too scared. kind of like real life. i don't really feel like i have a good opportunity. and even if i do, i'm too shy. ick. it stinks.
oh, well.
Monday, October 28, 2002
Sunday, October 27, 2002
name: nikki-chan
my best friend since seventh or eighth grade. i have dragged her with me to the blur side. we both think damon albarn is hot. she says the bassist (alex james) is her brother. she wants to adopt about ten people as her brothers. she thinks they're all really kawaii (cute). some of them are little brothers of guys from japanese club. some of them are the guys from japanese club, so they won't be separated from their brothers. some are juniors she thinks are adorable. aaaargh. she has a lovely boyfriend, ry-ry, who i fight with a lot. he spits and likes hondas.
what else to say about nikki? she is very sweet, and a number two personality type according to the enneagram; likes anime including sailor moon, cardcaptor sakura, and yuyu hakusho (mwahaha! what a terrible influence i am...); sings very well and is in the school choir (but not as high as she deserves); is president of japanese club and has ditched spanish, which she hates, in favor of japanese; is taking photo; has been in acting classes, and met me in an acting class in seventh grade; likes soap operas; likes cheese, like her brother alex; is an only child, like me; likes beating my and ryan's butt in dead or alive; is determined to buy a playstation 2 so that she can play kingdom hearts; likes *nsync; is a big fan of sports, especially baseball; loves the game the sims, but hates the people in it when they don't do what she wants; has messy handwriting; and is the best best friend i've ever had!
my best friend since seventh or eighth grade. i have dragged her with me to the blur side. we both think damon albarn is hot. she says the bassist (alex james) is her brother. she wants to adopt about ten people as her brothers. she thinks they're all really kawaii (cute). some of them are little brothers of guys from japanese club. some of them are the guys from japanese club, so they won't be separated from their brothers. some are juniors she thinks are adorable. aaaargh. she has a lovely boyfriend, ry-ry, who i fight with a lot. he spits and likes hondas.
what else to say about nikki? she is very sweet, and a number two personality type according to the enneagram; likes anime including sailor moon, cardcaptor sakura, and yuyu hakusho (mwahaha! what a terrible influence i am...); sings very well and is in the school choir (but not as high as she deserves); is president of japanese club and has ditched spanish, which she hates, in favor of japanese; is taking photo; has been in acting classes, and met me in an acting class in seventh grade; likes soap operas; likes cheese, like her brother alex; is an only child, like me; likes beating my and ryan's butt in dead or alive; is determined to buy a playstation 2 so that she can play kingdom hearts; likes *nsync; is a big fan of sports, especially baseball; loves the game the sims, but hates the people in it when they don't do what she wants; has messy handwriting; and is the best best friend i've ever had!
the first profile...
name: baylee
baylee, aka "those little neapolitan candies". quite insane, but in a good way. is in i.b., further proving her usual insanity. likes animal crackers and other cookies and often eats them for breakfast during the first two periods of the day. also has the strange need to scare the living daylights out of everyone not used to her antics. she was the first person to read this blog (other than me) and the first to link to it.
// note: i can and will update this profile however and whenever i want. with baylee's permission of course.
name: baylee
baylee, aka "those little neapolitan candies". quite insane, but in a good way. is in i.b., further proving her usual insanity. likes animal crackers and other cookies and often eats them for breakfast during the first two periods of the day. also has the strange need to scare the living daylights out of everyone not used to her antics. she was the first person to read this blog (other than me) and the first to link to it.
// note: i can and will update this profile however and whenever i want. with baylee's permission of course.
i really love my new cds. i have some new favorite belle and sebastian songs now. :) like "belle and sebastian". dulh... my brain's going all weird at the thought of a song and an artist with the same name... no, not really. it's probably the drugs. lol. j/k.
i just sent an email to my old best friend from elementary school, rachel. she moved to utah when i was in seventh grade (she was in sixth grade). since then i've been best friends with yana, and then nikki. but apparently she's discovered my email address and has sent me about 30 forwards. they're almost all religious, too. she's a mormon. but i decided to send her a "what's up" and see if she replies. unlike SOME of my friends... *cough cough*
on my new las ketchup cd, my favorite song would probly be "me persigue un chulo"... it's kind of funny and it's got a nice beat. i can't understand it all, but hey. it's about this girl (the singer) who is swimming with her friends, and this guy comes up and starts watching her, and she leaves, but he follows her on his motorcycle. she also talks about how his seven friends come to watch too. hehehe... course, i also like the song after that, "tengo un novio tántriko" which is about the perfect boyfriend. i'm not quite sure what tántriko means, but judging from how great the boyfriend sounds, it probably means something like "imaginary". lol
well, so far my vacation has been uneventful, in a good way, i guess. my family went to target and goodwill yesterday. i really look forward to going to goodwill these days, because since my dad's been laid off, i haven't been getting any new clothes... and all my old shirts are getting stains on them. ick.
let's see. i might get to play with nikki today, after "churchy". that would be fun. i plan to go over to her house and fiddle with her computer. she has trouble with getting extra stuff for the sims off the net, and it doesn't help that her computer's really unorganized. aaargh. it's ok though. i also want to fiddle with her blog layout. that oughta be fun. i love html. :) even though my layouts are rather unimpressive... oh well.
afterwards, i hopefully can go driving with my dad. that's right, folks, i still don't have a license. i've gotten about two and a half hours under my belt. ergh. i didn't get my permit until this summer, because i was too lazy last summer. i'm definitely not the only junior in the school who can't drive, but i may be the only sixteen-year-old junior who can't. oh, wait. joel can't drive either. and nikki can't either, actually. but she has a senior boyfriend. and i have only my parents. *sob*
hmmmm... i was planning to put profiles of my friends up on the net earlier on in the year... maybe i should put them up here! that would be fun. then you, the merry reader, might have some clue as to who the heck i'm talking about.
i just sent an email to my old best friend from elementary school, rachel. she moved to utah when i was in seventh grade (she was in sixth grade). since then i've been best friends with yana, and then nikki. but apparently she's discovered my email address and has sent me about 30 forwards. they're almost all religious, too. she's a mormon. but i decided to send her a "what's up" and see if she replies. unlike SOME of my friends... *cough cough*
on my new las ketchup cd, my favorite song would probly be "me persigue un chulo"... it's kind of funny and it's got a nice beat. i can't understand it all, but hey. it's about this girl (the singer) who is swimming with her friends, and this guy comes up and starts watching her, and she leaves, but he follows her on his motorcycle. she also talks about how his seven friends come to watch too. hehehe... course, i also like the song after that, "tengo un novio tántriko" which is about the perfect boyfriend. i'm not quite sure what tántriko means, but judging from how great the boyfriend sounds, it probably means something like "imaginary". lol
well, so far my vacation has been uneventful, in a good way, i guess. my family went to target and goodwill yesterday. i really look forward to going to goodwill these days, because since my dad's been laid off, i haven't been getting any new clothes... and all my old shirts are getting stains on them. ick.
let's see. i might get to play with nikki today, after "churchy". that would be fun. i plan to go over to her house and fiddle with her computer. she has trouble with getting extra stuff for the sims off the net, and it doesn't help that her computer's really unorganized. aaargh. it's ok though. i also want to fiddle with her blog layout. that oughta be fun. i love html. :) even though my layouts are rather unimpressive... oh well.
afterwards, i hopefully can go driving with my dad. that's right, folks, i still don't have a license. i've gotten about two and a half hours under my belt. ergh. i didn't get my permit until this summer, because i was too lazy last summer. i'm definitely not the only junior in the school who can't drive, but i may be the only sixteen-year-old junior who can't. oh, wait. joel can't drive either. and nikki can't either, actually. but she has a senior boyfriend. and i have only my parents. *sob*
hmmmm... i was planning to put profiles of my friends up on the net earlier on in the year... maybe i should put them up here! that would be fun. then you, the merry reader, might have some clue as to who the heck i'm talking about.
Saturday, October 26, 2002
Friday, October 25, 2002
ok, i've officially gone insane. i've gone and bought the cd.
artist: las ketchup
cd: hijas del tomate
track: aserejé
aaargh. it's ok. i also bought belle and sebastian *grin*. i got all three of the illegal mp3s i couldn't bear to part with. to refresh your collective memory:
1. the state i am in
2. photo jenny
3. le pastie de la bourgeoisie
together, they both cost $40. $39.90 to be exact. i bought them at borders, after dinner at mr. panda's. chinese buffet - yum!
artist: las ketchup
cd: hijas del tomate
track: aserejé
aaargh. it's ok. i also bought belle and sebastian *grin*. i got all three of the illegal mp3s i couldn't bear to part with. to refresh your collective memory:
1. the state i am in
2. photo jenny
3. le pastie de la bourgeoisie
together, they both cost $40. $39.90 to be exact. i bought them at borders, after dinner at mr. panda's. chinese buffet - yum!
fall break! i'm so happy!
so HAPPY!!!
y la baila, y la goza, y la canta... oh, no. i like this song too much. i'm going nuts. oh, well. i never claimed i didn't like popular music. :)
my stupid spanish teacher is the only one who made us do anything horrid today. in english, we took a vocab test and wrote poems; in science, we went on the computers to find points on our graphs; in history, we talked about bismarck (we're the only smart class, all the others had to watch that boring movie... HAHAHA); in math, the people who didn't do well on the quiz did a work sheet for extra credit; in computer science we played games!!! but in spanish we had a stupid packet to do. grrrr. while the teacher was on vacation. she has a doctor for a husband, i think, so she's unnaturally rich for her profession.
weight training sucked too, we had to work out, and i really didn't feel like it. it was rather half-hearted, though. no major damage done.
aaargh, and now i feel kinda sick, because i ate five cupcakes. fbla had a bake sale. at lunch i bought two, and then srav was there during eighth period and i wanted to buy something. so i got three cupcakes for a dollar. that's five bloody cupcakes. seriously, i have a tummy-ache. it's not like i didn't eat lunch. i had a peanut butter and honey sandwich (they're really yummy, better than pb & j), a cinnamon applesauce, half a brownie, five normal-size cupcakes, and a mini cupcake. :P cuz, along with the five big cupcakes i bought 5 mini-cupcakes for a dollar. my mum now is the proud owner of four of them. cuz, i really can't eat any more! and i thought you couldn't eat too many cupcakes!
but i'm really happy... it took me about a minute to finish the last page of the spanish homework, and other than a list for comp sci class, i am officially homework free for ten days!
WOO HOO!
so HAPPY!!!
y la baila, y la goza, y la canta... oh, no. i like this song too much. i'm going nuts. oh, well. i never claimed i didn't like popular music. :)
my stupid spanish teacher is the only one who made us do anything horrid today. in english, we took a vocab test and wrote poems; in science, we went on the computers to find points on our graphs; in history, we talked about bismarck (we're the only smart class, all the others had to watch that boring movie... HAHAHA); in math, the people who didn't do well on the quiz did a work sheet for extra credit; in computer science we played games!!! but in spanish we had a stupid packet to do. grrrr. while the teacher was on vacation. she has a doctor for a husband, i think, so she's unnaturally rich for her profession.
weight training sucked too, we had to work out, and i really didn't feel like it. it was rather half-hearted, though. no major damage done.
aaargh, and now i feel kinda sick, because i ate five cupcakes. fbla had a bake sale. at lunch i bought two, and then srav was there during eighth period and i wanted to buy something. so i got three cupcakes for a dollar. that's five bloody cupcakes. seriously, i have a tummy-ache. it's not like i didn't eat lunch. i had a peanut butter and honey sandwich (they're really yummy, better than pb & j), a cinnamon applesauce, half a brownie, five normal-size cupcakes, and a mini cupcake. :P cuz, along with the five big cupcakes i bought 5 mini-cupcakes for a dollar. my mum now is the proud owner of four of them. cuz, i really can't eat any more! and i thought you couldn't eat too many cupcakes!
but i'm really happy... it took me about a minute to finish the last page of the spanish homework, and other than a list for comp sci class, i am officially homework free for ten days!
WOO HOO!
aaargh, i'm going nuts.
it happened with that stupid cantaré song, and now i'm doing it again...
it's not a bad song, though. shaina's right, it's addictive. me like the beat. and hey, if they have it in mp3 form just waiting for download, who am i to not download it? mwahahaha...
blurb about the group (in spanish)
the song, in case you can't find it on the actual page...
well, all my net surfing and crud has cost me an hour of sleep... but who needs sleep?
it happened with that stupid cantaré song, and now i'm doing it again...
it's not a bad song, though. shaina's right, it's addictive. me like the beat. and hey, if they have it in mp3 form just waiting for download, who am i to not download it? mwahahaha...
blurb about the group (in spanish)
the song, in case you can't find it on the actual page...
well, all my net surfing and crud has cost me an hour of sleep... but who needs sleep?
Thursday, October 24, 2002
nap. :)
hmmm... i don't like getting good grades. well, that is to say... i don't like doing all the work to get them. and when you do get them, you don't appreciate them. see, i'm getting really good grades this quarter... i have a high B in physics, a high B in history, a high B in math, maybe an A in english, maybe an A in spanish, an A in weight training, and a high A in computer science. but i still feel bad, because i had more a's at midquarter. how messed up is that? oh, well.
hmmm... i don't like getting good grades. well, that is to say... i don't like doing all the work to get them. and when you do get them, you don't appreciate them. see, i'm getting really good grades this quarter... i have a high B in physics, a high B in history, a high B in math, maybe an A in english, maybe an A in spanish, an A in weight training, and a high A in computer science. but i still feel bad, because i had more a's at midquarter. how messed up is that? oh, well.
mwahahaha! yes! only one more day til fall break!
i'm happy to have my math done. now for history... >.<
mum made cookies today. yum. and she bought all these capri sun drink pouches because they were cheap, she said, only a dime apiece. i immediately proceeded to down two, at which she said, "you know, i'm not going to be so happy about the price if you demolish six at once..." hehehe.
yay for baylee, who has seen my blog! yep. unnnn...
i think i shall take a nap. a nap would be good.
oh! i've given in to the power of the stickers. you know all those vending machines with stickers in them? well, me and nikki and ryan (the BOY) went to taco bell for lunch today, and nikki wanted to buy some stickers. so i thought i'd buy one. the first one i got was so cute! a girl with butterfly wings, it's cute, i like it. so i got change for a dollar and bought two more stickers. i got an angel chick sticker, and spongebob. spongebob rules.
i'm happy to have my math done. now for history... >.<
mum made cookies today. yum. and she bought all these capri sun drink pouches because they were cheap, she said, only a dime apiece. i immediately proceeded to down two, at which she said, "you know, i'm not going to be so happy about the price if you demolish six at once..." hehehe.
yay for baylee, who has seen my blog! yep. unnnn...
i think i shall take a nap. a nap would be good.
oh! i've given in to the power of the stickers. you know all those vending machines with stickers in them? well, me and nikki and ryan (the BOY) went to taco bell for lunch today, and nikki wanted to buy some stickers. so i thought i'd buy one. the first one i got was so cute! a girl with butterfly wings, it's cute, i like it. so i got change for a dollar and bought two more stickers. i got an angel chick sticker, and spongebob. spongebob rules.
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
i talked to dr. lane today. i gave her my $600 for the europe trip. she asked me how i was doing in english. when you think about it, i'm doing so much better now than i was doing last year this time, it's not even funny. i'm really worried i'll slip again, though. i have some a's, and nothing lower than a b, maybe even b+, but i'm still afraid i'm going to fall down and not pick myself back up in time. and i'll get an f, not just on my quarter grade, but on my semester grade, and i won't be able to get into college. or i'll have to repeat a class because i'm too lazy to do the homework. but i get paralyzed whenever i think these things. so instead of doing my homework, which is the rational solution to the problem, i run away from my problems, and i don't do my homework. so worrying about it makes it more likely that i really will get bad grades. aaargh! i hate stress, and i hate school, and i hate homework, and i hate worrying, and i hate my own idiocy. it's ok, i'll get over it. i'm off to do math NOW, if i can manage to tear myself away from the computer for long enough...
>.<
>.<
i'm boring. my life is boring. this blog is boring. my homework is boring. which is why i'm not doing it. it's ok, i'll survive. perhaps i should change the name of the blog to:
the dull life of a city stockbroker
it's a monty python sketch. rather strange. there's this stockbroker going about his day, with all these very strange, out-of-the-ordinary things happening around him, but he doesn't notice anything. ah, well. people should watch more monty python! i demand it! if anyone knows me, they can borrow the first six episodes on dvd, if they ask me. i also have monty python and the holy grail on dvd. but i strongly encourage you to watch the episodes! they're splendid!
hmmm. i'm trying to think of something interesting to say. nope. my mind's blank. spacious. empty. devoid of... thoughts. yep.
i should probably start on my homework. there are four math assignments due tomorrow that i need to get done. aargh. plus, i wanted to work on that history packet, so i didn't have to do it all tomorrow. but no spanish! yay! *dances about the room* and no science, because mr. fox said the problems wouldn't be due friday. wheeee!
i am so looking forward to fall break. after all this school junk, getting a break is necessary to our (me and me school mate's) sanity. only two more days and i'll be free! freeeeeee! free for nine whole days! YAY!
urgh. i need to stop thinking about fall break, i'm getting too happy. it's unnatural. whatever happened to my natural tendencies toward sarcasm, pessimism, and depression???
today we had japanese club. pretty fun. i poked aimee into coming. i didn't really talk to her, though. nikki was depressed, i think she was having more bitter thoughts about the club. she's president, which is the only reason why i came to the first meeting, and half the reason why i'm still in the club. i have friends in there now, so she's not the only reason anymore. but anyways...
lessee, today was ok. it's been really weird with my dad. today i was really late getting ready for school, and all he said was, "It's kind of late." muy extraño. don't get me started on my spanish. but yeah, and lit was moderately interesting, talking about our hypothetical essay question on friday. in science i felt guilty for still not having my lab done (it was supposedly due on friday, but he let us turn it in on monday... i didn't turn it in til today). work is confusing but i'm starting to comprehend. history, fascinating as ever, with our "discussions" of those questions he asked. about cavour and italian unification, that stuff. i still haven't done any part of the packet due friday. i felt bad for baylee. she was the only one who said cavour was made by his times. i agreed with her, but i couldn't think of why, so i half-heartedly raised my hand, and no-one called on me or anything. poor baylee. i'm sorry! cavour was made by his times! yay for standing up for your beliefs! so, that was history. lunch was really depressing. partly because i had awful premonitions about my spanish presentation seventh period... so, math, same as ever, in comp sci we finished our tests from yesterday, blah blah blah. spanish we did our oral presentations. which sucks. we drew lots and our group got number two. and only two groups went today. >.< it's ok though. i'm relieved to have it over with. and danny went along with being our visual. it was fun. hugh rolled some toilet paper around him and stuffed some in his pocket. danny was "the pristine lakes" etc. and the toilet paper was pollution. i love hugh, he's so great at presentations! :)
i gave up on my stupid late science lab and turned it in at the beginning of ninth before i went off to weight training. i've given up trying in that class (weight training). well, i sure as heck ain't gonna try too hard tomorrow or friday. i'm missing a couple assignments, but i'm getting an a, and the teacher himself said i didn't need to bother with making up the missing stuff. oh, well. i'm going to get fat again.
anything interesting to say? i don't know. i'm feeling less depressed now that i've eaten dinner. yum. but me mom has gone off to play asheron's call and escape from her pitiful existence. she's really unhappy. i don't know what to do, though.
someone other than me looked at me blog! that makes me happy. thank you, person.
lessee, today was ok. it's been really weird with my dad. today i was really late getting ready for school, and all he said was, "It's kind of late." muy extraño. don't get me started on my spanish. but yeah, and lit was moderately interesting, talking about our hypothetical essay question on friday. in science i felt guilty for still not having my lab done (it was supposedly due on friday, but he let us turn it in on monday... i didn't turn it in til today). work is confusing but i'm starting to comprehend. history, fascinating as ever, with our "discussions" of those questions he asked. about cavour and italian unification, that stuff. i still haven't done any part of the packet due friday. i felt bad for baylee. she was the only one who said cavour was made by his times. i agreed with her, but i couldn't think of why, so i half-heartedly raised my hand, and no-one called on me or anything. poor baylee. i'm sorry! cavour was made by his times! yay for standing up for your beliefs! so, that was history. lunch was really depressing. partly because i had awful premonitions about my spanish presentation seventh period... so, math, same as ever, in comp sci we finished our tests from yesterday, blah blah blah. spanish we did our oral presentations. which sucks. we drew lots and our group got number two. and only two groups went today. >.< it's ok though. i'm relieved to have it over with. and danny went along with being our visual. it was fun. hugh rolled some toilet paper around him and stuffed some in his pocket. danny was "the pristine lakes" etc. and the toilet paper was pollution. i love hugh, he's so great at presentations! :)
i gave up on my stupid late science lab and turned it in at the beginning of ninth before i went off to weight training. i've given up trying in that class (weight training). well, i sure as heck ain't gonna try too hard tomorrow or friday. i'm missing a couple assignments, but i'm getting an a, and the teacher himself said i didn't need to bother with making up the missing stuff. oh, well. i'm going to get fat again.
anything interesting to say? i don't know. i'm feeling less depressed now that i've eaten dinner. yum. but me mom has gone off to play asheron's call and escape from her pitiful existence. she's really unhappy. i don't know what to do, though.
someone other than me looked at me blog! that makes me happy. thank you, person.
i hate it when my parents fight. my mom is unhappy with her life, and my dad can be kind of insensitive. she complains a lot. every time they fight i wonder how their marriage is keeping together and why they're still together. they're not really bad. neither of them are cheating on each other, we're not terribly poor even though my dad's received notice, they get along most of the time, and they seem to love each other. it's probably just my paranoid, warped perspective. i don't know what married couples normally fight about or what it's like. it's alright though. i just know my mom is unhappy. i don't know about my dad. he never really talks to me.
it's nice to talk about it. normally i just keep it inside and it's not healthy. not terribly painful, but still unhappy. i feel much better now.
it's nice to talk about it. normally i just keep it inside and it's not healthy. not terribly painful, but still unhappy. i feel much better now.
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
ok, i'm feeling a little better now. what to write, what to write?
first off: today was not so bad. before school, i actually had fun. i didn't go to class early! no, indeed. instead i talked to nathan and ryan. why that would cheer me up i don't rightly know. i mean, nathan is one of the most annoying kids i know (next to devin) and ryan, though probably not inherently annoying, annoys me simply because he's nikki's boyfriend. but today i was quite entertained. usually, after i go to my locker, i wander about the school and eventually head off to parson's class five or more minutes early. it's much more fun to talk to someone and arrive more or less ontime than it is to wander about, lonely and bored, before giving up on finding something to do and just going to class early. it may be a fun class, but NO class should inspire you to come early.
yah, well, the talking to people before school put me in a good mood. so i let nathan mooch off my intellectual property (i let him copy my homework). only part of it though, he still did poorly on the test. ha, ha. it's ok. nothing very exciting after that... we talked about work and energy in physics (the first of which i'm not able to do because i lack the second...), in history we talked in groups, oh how exciting... lunch i spent in the library attempting to do my late physics lab... eheheh. math is ok now that i'm starting to understand it a bit better. the teacher chastised me for only doing one homework assignment (out of nine) last week, and said i shouldn't slack off just cuz i'm smart. ha! she thinks i'm smart! i did pretty well on the test though, because even though i hadn't done any homework i'd done the problems in class... computer science we had a test. which for me is fun. i have an a in that class, i love that class. i don't know why, but i just 'get it' for some reason, it clicks or something. course, i seem to be the only person who reads the bloody book, which might explain why i have a good grade. oh! and in spanish, i found out, i'm a borderline B+! and the teacher forgot to grade one of my assignments! so if fifteen extra points is enough to push an 88.1 up to an 89.5, i'll be getting my first a in spanish since ninth grade...
aaargh. but, i had resolved to be good today and do my homework. and i left my backpack in the car (because me and my mum went to mcdonald's after she picked me up from school, and i didn't want to carry it into the house along with all the food) and my dad just had to take my mum's car! he's been leaving us most nights, to do improv things, which he really loves, but i don't know why he couldn't have just taken his car. so i am homework-less. technically, i can still do my spanish, and i really should be doing it, but for some strange reason i don't want to... ah, well. once i memorize what i'm going to say for the spanish presentation, i guess i'll kill some time surfing the net, waiting for my dad to come home... hehehe. >:)
first off: today was not so bad. before school, i actually had fun. i didn't go to class early! no, indeed. instead i talked to nathan and ryan. why that would cheer me up i don't rightly know. i mean, nathan is one of the most annoying kids i know (next to devin) and ryan, though probably not inherently annoying, annoys me simply because he's nikki's boyfriend. but today i was quite entertained. usually, after i go to my locker, i wander about the school and eventually head off to parson's class five or more minutes early. it's much more fun to talk to someone and arrive more or less ontime than it is to wander about, lonely and bored, before giving up on finding something to do and just going to class early. it may be a fun class, but NO class should inspire you to come early.
yah, well, the talking to people before school put me in a good mood. so i let nathan mooch off my intellectual property (i let him copy my homework). only part of it though, he still did poorly on the test. ha, ha. it's ok. nothing very exciting after that... we talked about work and energy in physics (the first of which i'm not able to do because i lack the second...), in history we talked in groups, oh how exciting... lunch i spent in the library attempting to do my late physics lab... eheheh. math is ok now that i'm starting to understand it a bit better. the teacher chastised me for only doing one homework assignment (out of nine) last week, and said i shouldn't slack off just cuz i'm smart. ha! she thinks i'm smart! i did pretty well on the test though, because even though i hadn't done any homework i'd done the problems in class... computer science we had a test. which for me is fun. i have an a in that class, i love that class. i don't know why, but i just 'get it' for some reason, it clicks or something. course, i seem to be the only person who reads the bloody book, which might explain why i have a good grade. oh! and in spanish, i found out, i'm a borderline B+! and the teacher forgot to grade one of my assignments! so if fifteen extra points is enough to push an 88.1 up to an 89.5, i'll be getting my first a in spanish since ninth grade...
aaargh. but, i had resolved to be good today and do my homework. and i left my backpack in the car (because me and my mum went to mcdonald's after she picked me up from school, and i didn't want to carry it into the house along with all the food) and my dad just had to take my mum's car! he's been leaving us most nights, to do improv things, which he really loves, but i don't know why he couldn't have just taken his car. so i am homework-less. technically, i can still do my spanish, and i really should be doing it, but for some strange reason i don't want to... ah, well. once i memorize what i'm going to say for the spanish presentation, i guess i'll kill some time surfing the net, waiting for my dad to come home... hehehe. >:)
Monday, October 21, 2002
i'm worried. it's nothing, i know. i'm always worrying about something or other. it's about my homework. i've reached that state where you don't want to do it, you don't even want to think about it and every moment you're doing it is painful because you're constantly distracting yourself. i hate this. it means i'm miserably unhappy and i won't get any of my work done. if i don't pull out of this, my grades are going to plummet. i think it's the result of too many essays.
another thing that depresses me is the fact that blur have lost graham. i suppose lost is the wrong word. but so is fired. or sacked. graham used "dismissed", i suppose that works. so now my favorite member of blur has been cast off by my other favorite member of blur, as well as the others... see, he's my favorite guy in the group, but so is damon. so now they're separate. which is not a completely bad thing, i guess, because now i like two artists instead of just one. ha. ha. ha. my theory: both of their music, from now on, is going to, if not suck, at least suffer. they're just not the same without each other! what will blur do without its guitarist? as if fatboy slim is any replacement...
it's ok, i've gone off into my bitter rant mode. nevermind me.
well, other than being depressed about my grades, and music, and my love life, things aren't too too bad. i mean, i still have friends, right? *looks around* hey, where'd everybody go?
eh, i'm just kidding. gimme some sleep and i'll be fine (give me fall break and i'll be fab!)...
another thing that depresses me is the fact that blur have lost graham. i suppose lost is the wrong word. but so is fired. or sacked. graham used "dismissed", i suppose that works. so now my favorite member of blur has been cast off by my other favorite member of blur, as well as the others... see, he's my favorite guy in the group, but so is damon. so now they're separate. which is not a completely bad thing, i guess, because now i like two artists instead of just one. ha. ha. ha. my theory: both of their music, from now on, is going to, if not suck, at least suffer. they're just not the same without each other! what will blur do without its guitarist? as if fatboy slim is any replacement...
it's ok, i've gone off into my bitter rant mode. nevermind me.
well, other than being depressed about my grades, and music, and my love life, things aren't too too bad. i mean, i still have friends, right? *looks around* hey, where'd everybody go?
eh, i'm just kidding. gimme some sleep and i'll be fine (give me fall break and i'll be fab!)...
well, so far today has been mediocre. let's see:
- nathan is back to his annoying self. (which is good and bad)
- i mooched!
- chaffin appears to have recovered from his terminal illness...
- i was wearing penguin socks today!
- i actually finished the essay test in history (normally i don't get to)
- i ate lunch at burger king. it's the first time since school started that i haven't packed a lunch. (which is actually almost a bad thing, cuz it wasn't the greatest lunch either...)
- nikki has been assured that i am not mad at her and never was.
- i didn't horribly fail my math test!!!
- i'm starting to understand the integral crud we've been doing
- we wrote on little whiteboards in math today! with dry-erase markers! it was funtastic
- mwahahaha... i have 100% in computer science... cuz i thought i missed an answer on the last test, but turns out she graded it wrong. yay!
- my spanish group demands i write and memorize my part for our oral presentation... tonight. aaargh. not so great.
- i wasted 8th period looking at japanese manga (which i can't understand, btw) and feeling lonely...
- i forgot my clothes for weight training! which turned out to be a good thing cuz i didn't exercise and spent all 9th period talking to amy... :)
- i had macaroni & cheese for snack.
- i am now listening to music (parklife! "and morning soup can be avoided if you take a route straight thru what is known as... parklife") and writing in my blog.
so, when you think about it, not too too bad. rather a good day, actually. now off to do that spanish homework! (or mebbe i'd better empty the dishwasher first...)
Sunday, October 20, 2002
whee! i'm listening to across the universe right now. good song, you know. you should give it a listen. john wrote it. for those of you who have no idea what i'm talking about: you stink! ok, maybe you don't... it's a beatles song and that makes 'john' = john lennon... but anyways. yesterday i took the p-sat. which was interesting... so, i'll see how i do on that, and if i'm going to horribly fail the sat, and not get into college, and live as a mcdonald's fast food worker for the rest of my life. :) ooh, now the song has switched to 'eleanor rigby'. it's a good song. somewhat depressing, but somehow all my favorite songs are. like, let's see, my favorite songwriters are damon albarn and john lennon, and neither of them seems to be known for writing happy songs. oh, well. so back to p-sat... i wound up standing in line right before jason, from japanese club, and his friend matt, who i had previously talked to a couple times. both are pretty nice. but anyway, we wound up taking the test in the same room, so i sat near them, and that made things a lot less depressing. oh, and now nathan and anna appear to be going out, so i'm not going to say a word to him about my crush cuz it's a guarantee he'll bug me. but i guess that means that anna finally dumped paul. hooray!
ooh, now the song's changed again, it's playing pathetique by tchaikovsky now. on my computer, i listen to mp3s using winamp. so i turn all my cds into mp3s and put them on my computer. i have a little separate folder for all the mp3s i get off the net. right now only a few of them are ones i've stolen, i got the rest off official sites. *grin*. but this is like, the only classical thing i have on my comp, that and bruckner, and i was thinking of burning this "best classical music" cd on there. but i swear, i love this, uh, symphony i guess. really, i only like the first song on it (it's seventeen minutes long!) but i have it in my cd player upstairs, and it's the only thing i listen to when i'm in my room.
some of my illegal mp3s *grin* :
ooh, now the song's changed again, it's playing pathetique by tchaikovsky now. on my computer, i listen to mp3s using winamp. so i turn all my cds into mp3s and put them on my computer. i have a little separate folder for all the mp3s i get off the net. right now only a few of them are ones i've stolen, i got the rest off official sites. *grin*. but this is like, the only classical thing i have on my comp, that and bruckner, and i was thinking of burning this "best classical music" cd on there. but i swear, i love this, uh, symphony i guess. really, i only like the first song on it (it's seventeen minutes long!) but i have it in my cd player upstairs, and it's the only thing i listen to when i'm in my room.
some of my illegal mp3s *grin* :
- a few anime songs - 6 i found on a nuriko fushigi yuugi site, one is the yu yu hakushou ending song, and another is the f.y. opening song (i used to have a ton of anime songs, but they all died with my old computer... sniff)
- hush by aphrodesiac jacket - i stole this off a survey asking me what i thought of it... hehehe... now i need to buy the cd, i fell in love with the song! (i wouldn't have fallen in love if i hadn't stolen it, either)
- ghost by indigo girls - i found this surfing the net, but i don't really love it so i'll probly delete it
- various belle and sebastian songs - my friend from the net made me download about twenty, and i fell in love with one of them so much i went and bought the cd! i've gotten rid of most of them, but i still keep a few that i can't bear to part with... (they're called "photo jenny", "le pastie de la bourgeoisie", and "the state i am in" - wow, that sounds familiar)
- a remix done by graham coxon (of blur) of a lowgold song called "beauty dies young"... i found it on a semi-official blur website, so i'm keeping it... *grin* i'm considering buying the cd, but problem is, is that the version of the song i like is on the cd single, and i'd rather buy albums than singles...
- a blur song only found on the "dead man on campus" soundtrack... i'd love to buy the cd, but with everything else... besides, only for ONE song?
- a blur song only found on the "girls and boys" cd single... which they don't sell in the u.s. anymore. it's the pet shop boys remix of "girls and boys", in case you wanted to know. it's really good!
i used to have more, but most were eaten by my old computer, and the rest were deleted by me because i didn't like them enough to be listening to them illegally. or because i bought the album! (in the case of the belle and sebastian song)...
ah, now the seventeen minutes have passed and it's on to blur's boys and girls... not the illegal remix, but the actual song, which i have two legal copies of (and the music video! *grin*)
well, ja! (it means "bye" in japanese) and until next time! don't miss the next exciting episode...
Saturday, October 19, 2002
sometimes it's hard to remember that you're not the only person in the universe. or the only one with problems. at least, for me. i forget that other people are feeling even worse than i am. i feel like there's a blackness churning inside me, and it's not normal, but it is. no-one really talks about their problems, though. at least i have a way to escape. i listen to music.
do you feel like a chainstore?
practically floored
one of many zeroes
kicked around bored
your ears are full but you're empty
holding out your heart
to people who never really
care how you are
you should listen sometime, it's a good song. it's by blur. damon wrote the music, and graham wrote the lyrics. it's one of my favorite songs. if you've ever seen the video, it's great. it's got this milk carton in it. he's trying to find graham, cause he's run off from his family and now they're sad. the song's called 'coffee and tv'. i guess, if you really want, mail me at ekino_kirai@yahoo.com and i can send you the mp3. i don't generally go for illegal cd burning and stuff, but i need to spread the love! everyone should own a blur album!
seriously, though, i worry sometimes. that i'm not open enough with my feelings. unfortunately for me, i really do care about people. it's a pain. i hate seeing people unhappy. especially when they're my friends. but i'm too afraid to tell them that i care about them, because i don't want to get hurt. it's really selfish. and it hurts to think that they don't know, they might not ever, even when it might mean a lot to them... oh well. it doesn't really matter, i suppose. i'll just slog through my life, fussing about the stupid little things that don't really matter, and i'll die at some point, having done nothing of importance and regretting my decisions... that's the way it goes, isn't it? there are some people who have the strength to change the world, but i'm not one of them. i'm no napoleon. even though i might want to think so. like raskolnikov.
do you feel like a chainstore?
practically floored
one of many zeroes
kicked around bored
your ears are full but you're empty
holding out your heart
to people who never really
care how you are
you should listen sometime, it's a good song. it's by blur. damon wrote the music, and graham wrote the lyrics. it's one of my favorite songs. if you've ever seen the video, it's great. it's got this milk carton in it. he's trying to find graham, cause he's run off from his family and now they're sad. the song's called 'coffee and tv'. i guess, if you really want, mail me at ekino_kirai@yahoo.com and i can send you the mp3. i don't generally go for illegal cd burning and stuff, but i need to spread the love! everyone should own a blur album!
seriously, though, i worry sometimes. that i'm not open enough with my feelings. unfortunately for me, i really do care about people. it's a pain. i hate seeing people unhappy. especially when they're my friends. but i'm too afraid to tell them that i care about them, because i don't want to get hurt. it's really selfish. and it hurts to think that they don't know, they might not ever, even when it might mean a lot to them... oh well. it doesn't really matter, i suppose. i'll just slog through my life, fussing about the stupid little things that don't really matter, and i'll die at some point, having done nothing of importance and regretting my decisions... that's the way it goes, isn't it? there are some people who have the strength to change the world, but i'm not one of them. i'm no napoleon. even though i might want to think so. like raskolnikov.
Friday, October 18, 2002
yay! more happy things. let's see...
- baylee put me on her blog! :)
- so did claire! :)
- i put a program on srav's calculator...
- i have an a in computer science class!
- i'm working on an alex james winamp skin :) (alex james = bass player from british group blur)
- i remembered every vocab word on today's test
- it's FRIDAY!
- my mum baked delicious treats while i was at school!
- i'm going to eat shepherd's pie for dinner (mmm... shepherd's pie)
i found an old javascript thing that i put on my old beatles website (which i am preparing to take down...). it's pretty cool. i think i'll put it up here.
ah, yes. well, today was much better than yesterday. aside from the fact that it's a friday, that i turned in my english essay on time and complete (which was not quite so common last year... eheheheh...), that i'm not mad at my friends anymore, that i get more time to do my science lab, that i have no history packet due monday (it's a miracle!), that my dad and i haven't fought in a whole DAY (another miracle), that graham coxon has a new song out, which i am listening to right now...
anyways. one thing i need to remember about myself: i'm incredibly capricious (aka changeable). one day i hate somebody, or life, or homework, or a certain food, or something stupid like that, and the next day i'm totally in love with it. i may think that i'm always going to feel a particular way, but it's never certain. nothing is certain. and isn't that, my friends, the true meaning of the universe?
no.
but anyways... so my crush didn't show up to school today, which was quite a relief, and quite predictable (seeing as how there was a 1000 word essay due today, as well as a science lab...), so i'm not worried. but it gave me a break from awkwardness, and i managed to make up with stupid nathan. course, i tell him that i don't really want to go out with my crush, and he says, "well, then, why didn't you say that you didn't have a crush on him? then we wouldn't have bugged you." but i couldn't manage it. it's very strange. makes you think. do i really not have a crush on him? i certainly don't think of him just as my friend, at least i don't think so. oh well. then in history baylee talks to me a bit about it... she says she has a 99.9% success rate. that's pretty good, i think. it means she must have matched up at least 1000 couples, with only one failure for every thousand. haha. no. it's ok, i believe her. and it suddenly occurs to me: maybe, another reason why i was so pissed off at my friends, was the thought that they would mess my relationship up. right now, we're friends, i don't want to stop being friends with him just because he might not like me in that way (a quite likely possibility, i might add). i don't really trust my two friends: they were approaching the subject in a way that couldn't possibly turn out well. they don't have a large resume of successful match-making. and both of them, i am afraid to say, can be rather tactless at times. eheheheheh... but anyways. i kinda trust baylee not to screw things up. no offense to my friends, they were well-intentioned and i love them, truly, in my heart of hearts, deep down inside ("where i'm soft like a woman" - watch news radio)... it's just that i don't trust them in this particular area. ahem. but i love them, i really do. well, maybe not nathan. *sticks out tongue*
so, today's summary: i'm really happy, and i probably do like my crush, even though i wasn't sure about it yesterday.
yay! already in happy mode!
anyways. one thing i need to remember about myself: i'm incredibly capricious (aka changeable). one day i hate somebody, or life, or homework, or a certain food, or something stupid like that, and the next day i'm totally in love with it. i may think that i'm always going to feel a particular way, but it's never certain. nothing is certain. and isn't that, my friends, the true meaning of the universe?
no.
but anyways... so my crush didn't show up to school today, which was quite a relief, and quite predictable (seeing as how there was a 1000 word essay due today, as well as a science lab...), so i'm not worried. but it gave me a break from awkwardness, and i managed to make up with stupid nathan. course, i tell him that i don't really want to go out with my crush, and he says, "well, then, why didn't you say that you didn't have a crush on him? then we wouldn't have bugged you." but i couldn't manage it. it's very strange. makes you think. do i really not have a crush on him? i certainly don't think of him just as my friend, at least i don't think so. oh well. then in history baylee talks to me a bit about it... she says she has a 99.9% success rate. that's pretty good, i think. it means she must have matched up at least 1000 couples, with only one failure for every thousand. haha. no. it's ok, i believe her. and it suddenly occurs to me: maybe, another reason why i was so pissed off at my friends, was the thought that they would mess my relationship up. right now, we're friends, i don't want to stop being friends with him just because he might not like me in that way (a quite likely possibility, i might add). i don't really trust my two friends: they were approaching the subject in a way that couldn't possibly turn out well. they don't have a large resume of successful match-making. and both of them, i am afraid to say, can be rather tactless at times. eheheheheh... but anyways. i kinda trust baylee not to screw things up. no offense to my friends, they were well-intentioned and i love them, truly, in my heart of hearts, deep down inside ("where i'm soft like a woman" - watch news radio)... it's just that i don't trust them in this particular area. ahem. but i love them, i really do. well, maybe not nathan. *sticks out tongue*
so, today's summary: i'm really happy, and i probably do like my crush, even though i wasn't sure about it yesterday.
yay! already in happy mode!
Thursday, October 17, 2002
hallelujah. it's eleven thirty and i'm finally done with the stupid english essay... aaargh.
well, today kinda sucked. i was kinda looking forward to lunch, because my best friend finally managed to weasel away from her boyfriend for a day so we could eat lunch by ourselves. so, i see her, and we head off to the lunchroom. first mistake: i introduce her to my EVIL friend nathan. they both proceed to tease me about the guy i like. second mistake: we sit at the table. which was just STUPID. i mean, really. i keep thinking about all the things i could have/should have done - not sat with nathan, not moved away from nathan's table, not sat at my crush's table... ok, so we sit at the table, and my so-called friends (i'm still slightly pissed off at them right now, but not so much at my best friend) start trying to direct the topic of conversation in a certain way... you get my drift. which is totally bad. i don't even want to go into it. let's just say i was embarassed, my friends were bored, the guy i like was obviously not happy, the other people at the table were probly annoyed... so lunch pretty much spoiled my whole bloody day! yeah. and i just have to write this down, if i don't, i'll explode. seriously. we're talking spontaneous combustion. and yeah, yeah, i know if the guy i like even glanced at this, he'd know i like him, but since i was almost pissed off enough today to tell him i like him, i don't think i really care right now. so yeah.
ok then. plus, a weird thing: up till this point, almost NOBODY knew i liked him. last year, four people knew: my two best friends, my best friend's boyfriend (grrr... why does she have to tell him EVERYTHING??), and a girl who just asked me in science class, out of the blue, if i liked him (for those who want to know, it was hoai anh...). then, this year, i told my friend stacey, and that stupid nathan kid i previously mentioned. but yesterday, i sent an email to baylee telling HER, then today, i gave her permission to tell claire, then at the lunch table, when my crush was gone, i told alex and ivey... so now half the world knows about it, just on the day when i'm starting to think maybe i don't like him after all... because, thanks to my lovely friends, i'm starting to think that i don't want to go out with him, i never really wanted to go out with him, that all it really is is that i care about him and want to be friends... and now my friends are telling me i should tell him i'm in love with him or something. which i'm not, and never have been. and now, thanks to lunch, it'll be incredibly hard just to be friends with him, cuz now that's screwed up. so, ok. there you go, i think: the day i tell everyone who my "crush" is i find out that i don't really even have a real crush on, to the best of my knowledge, and all my friends are meanwhile demanding that i tell him how i feel, or else they will, but they don't even bloody know HOW i feel and it pisses me off!
in summary. i like my crush as a friend but my other friends insist i ask him out or something, half the world thinks i like him, and i'm probably not even friends with him anymore after today and yeah, it's partly my friends' fault but it's MY FAULT TOO and that's the thing that pisses me off the most!!
ok, there you go. tra la la. back into happy mode.
well, today kinda sucked. i was kinda looking forward to lunch, because my best friend finally managed to weasel away from her boyfriend for a day so we could eat lunch by ourselves. so, i see her, and we head off to the lunchroom. first mistake: i introduce her to my EVIL friend nathan. they both proceed to tease me about the guy i like. second mistake: we sit at the table. which was just STUPID. i mean, really. i keep thinking about all the things i could have/should have done - not sat with nathan, not moved away from nathan's table, not sat at my crush's table... ok, so we sit at the table, and my so-called friends (i'm still slightly pissed off at them right now, but not so much at my best friend) start trying to direct the topic of conversation in a certain way... you get my drift. which is totally bad. i don't even want to go into it. let's just say i was embarassed, my friends were bored, the guy i like was obviously not happy, the other people at the table were probly annoyed... so lunch pretty much spoiled my whole bloody day! yeah. and i just have to write this down, if i don't, i'll explode. seriously. we're talking spontaneous combustion. and yeah, yeah, i know if the guy i like even glanced at this, he'd know i like him, but since i was almost pissed off enough today to tell him i like him, i don't think i really care right now. so yeah.
ok then. plus, a weird thing: up till this point, almost NOBODY knew i liked him. last year, four people knew: my two best friends, my best friend's boyfriend (grrr... why does she have to tell him EVERYTHING??), and a girl who just asked me in science class, out of the blue, if i liked him (for those who want to know, it was hoai anh...). then, this year, i told my friend stacey, and that stupid nathan kid i previously mentioned. but yesterday, i sent an email to baylee telling HER, then today, i gave her permission to tell claire, then at the lunch table, when my crush was gone, i told alex and ivey... so now half the world knows about it, just on the day when i'm starting to think maybe i don't like him after all... because, thanks to my lovely friends, i'm starting to think that i don't want to go out with him, i never really wanted to go out with him, that all it really is is that i care about him and want to be friends... and now my friends are telling me i should tell him i'm in love with him or something. which i'm not, and never have been. and now, thanks to lunch, it'll be incredibly hard just to be friends with him, cuz now that's screwed up. so, ok. there you go, i think: the day i tell everyone who my "crush" is i find out that i don't really even have a real crush on, to the best of my knowledge, and all my friends are meanwhile demanding that i tell him how i feel, or else they will, but they don't even bloody know HOW i feel and it pisses me off!
in summary. i like my crush as a friend but my other friends insist i ask him out or something, half the world thinks i like him, and i'm probably not even friends with him anymore after today and yeah, it's partly my friends' fault but it's MY FAULT TOO and that's the thing that pisses me off the most!!
ok, there you go. tra la la. back into happy mode.
Wednesday, October 16, 2002
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