sometimes it's hard to remember that you're not the only person in the universe. or the only one with problems. at least, for me. i forget that other people are feeling even worse than i am. i feel like there's a blackness churning inside me, and it's not normal, but it is. no-one really talks about their problems, though. at least i have a way to escape. i listen to music.

do you feel like a chainstore?
practically floored
one of many zeroes
kicked around bored
your ears are full but you're empty
holding out your heart
to people who never really
care how you are

you should listen sometime, it's a good song. it's by blur. damon wrote the music, and graham wrote the lyrics. it's one of my favorite songs. if you've ever seen the video, it's great. it's got this milk carton in it. he's trying to find graham, cause he's run off from his family and now they're sad. the song's called 'coffee and tv'. i guess, if you really want, mail me at ekino_kirai@yahoo.com and i can send you the mp3. i don't generally go for illegal cd burning and stuff, but i need to spread the love! everyone should own a blur album!

seriously, though, i worry sometimes. that i'm not open enough with my feelings. unfortunately for me, i really do care about people. it's a pain. i hate seeing people unhappy. especially when they're my friends. but i'm too afraid to tell them that i care about them, because i don't want to get hurt. it's really selfish. and it hurts to think that they don't know, they might not ever, even when it might mean a lot to them... oh well. it doesn't really matter, i suppose. i'll just slog through my life, fussing about the stupid little things that don't really matter, and i'll die at some point, having done nothing of importance and regretting my decisions... that's the way it goes, isn't it? there are some people who have the strength to change the world, but i'm not one of them. i'm no napoleon. even though i might want to think so. like raskolnikov.