ah, yes. well, today was much better than yesterday. aside from the fact that it's a friday, that i turned in my english essay on time and complete (which was not quite so common last year... eheheheh...), that i'm not mad at my friends anymore, that i get more time to do my science lab, that i have no history packet due monday (it's a miracle!), that my dad and i haven't fought in a whole DAY (another miracle), that graham coxon has a new song out, which i am listening to right now...

anyways. one thing i need to remember about myself: i'm incredibly capricious (aka changeable). one day i hate somebody, or life, or homework, or a certain food, or something stupid like that, and the next day i'm totally in love with it. i may think that i'm always going to feel a particular way, but it's never certain. nothing is certain. and isn't that, my friends, the true meaning of the universe?

no.

but anyways... so my crush didn't show up to school today, which was quite a relief, and quite predictable (seeing as how there was a 1000 word essay due today, as well as a science lab...), so i'm not worried. but it gave me a break from awkwardness, and i managed to make up with stupid nathan. course, i tell him that i don't really want to go out with my crush, and he says, "well, then, why didn't you say that you didn't have a crush on him? then we wouldn't have bugged you." but i couldn't manage it. it's very strange. makes you think. do i really not have a crush on him? i certainly don't think of him just as my friend, at least i don't think so. oh well. then in history baylee talks to me a bit about it... she says she has a 99.9% success rate. that's pretty good, i think. it means she must have matched up at least 1000 couples, with only one failure for every thousand. haha. no. it's ok, i believe her. and it suddenly occurs to me: maybe, another reason why i was so pissed off at my friends, was the thought that they would mess my relationship up. right now, we're friends, i don't want to stop being friends with him just because he might not like me in that way (a quite likely possibility, i might add). i don't really trust my two friends: they were approaching the subject in a way that couldn't possibly turn out well. they don't have a large resume of successful match-making. and both of them, i am afraid to say, can be rather tactless at times. eheheheheh... but anyways. i kinda trust baylee not to screw things up. no offense to my friends, they were well-intentioned and i love them, truly, in my heart of hearts, deep down inside ("where i'm soft like a woman" - watch news radio)... it's just that i don't trust them in this particular area. ahem. but i love them, i really do. well, maybe not nathan. *sticks out tongue*

so, today's summary: i'm really happy, and i probably do like my crush, even though i wasn't sure about it yesterday.

yay! already in happy mode!