current mp3: sumire (violet) - puffy amiyumi

I burned myself a cd with about 180 mp3s on it. I'll bring it to school on tuesday, if I remember.

Things are ok. There's really no reason to be bitter about things because the bad times never last long. Even if they suck. There are just as many good times as bad. And you can't have the good without the bad. If you don't have the bad, you'll never know the good is good. If no one knew what the absence of light was, how could they recognize the light at all? They'd just take it for granted... I'm sure I've said this thousands of times before, at least I think I have. Everything seems very familiar. And why shouldn't it? Life's a cycle. Sometimes it gets annoying, but that's the way it goes. I guess you could think of it as a wave, constantly going up and down but always traveling somewhere... Eh, who knows.

Maybe it's better to be unhappy, in a way, just because people notice more, but I think I'd rather be happy and not give people anything to say than miserable and get a lot of encouragement. I can make it on my own, anyway, if I just find something I want to devote myself to.

So, on Friday I didn't take any ritalin. Nathan actually found me less out of it than normal, just because I was kind of unhappy. I don't think it really matters whether I take it or not. Which makes me happy, in a way. Yeah, it might not work, but it's nice to know you're not fundamentally flawed.

I got rid of my counter a while ago, and I'm not putting it back. I get too dependent on knowing who visits my blog. Sometimes you just have to trust people on faith. I need more faith. I'll try to have more. It'd be a nice thing to cultivate. To have faith in people.

I finally finished The Stranger. Course, at dinner I wanted a break, so I asked dad what I should do, and he said "Read," to tease me, since he knew that was what I was trying to take a break from. But I did, I read, just not a school book. I'm on page 118, but I've been trying to read it for a year now and I'm only a tenth of the way through...

Maybe I just need to hang out with happy people more. That always helps. What doesn't help is hanging out with depressed and/or grumpy people, or being alone because of feeling awkward talking to the happy people.

I don't want to feel like an imposition, so I'll try being less shy but only for people who appreciate me. That should help, at least I think so.