Some things piss me off. Like, disorders. Pretty much everyone has one. It doesn't necessarily mean anything's wrong with you, it just means you don't fit the standards of society. I hate society. Every person who was ever worth something was screwed up in some way. Half the composers and inventors had ADD, most artists were depressed. Most creative people, like writers and painters and singers, are alcoholic or addicted to drugs. Almost everybody's got something majorly wrong with their body or mind. So they make you take pills to make up for it. I might not mind so much if I thought the ones they gave me helped at all. But they really don't seem to. And when my mom takes them, I hate it. It's awful to be around her because she's not impulsive anymore, and she doesn't pay you any attention, and she isn't insane and spontaneous and fun. So that sucks. Who needs that? Why do I have to change myself because supposedly I have a disease that prevents me from doing what I'm supposed to? Why can't we just be happy with our screwed up brain chemistry and accept things at face value instead of trying to find a cure for everything? And who says things need fixing, anyway?

Some days... I don't know. It's ok, I guess. I kind of hate how dependent I am on other people. I want independence, not to have to rely on others, but I'm so scared I'll fail if I don't let others do things for me. So I basically live my life being afraid, and doing the easiest thing, which usually results in letting people do what they want and not accomplishing anything that matters to me. Psh. I think everybody must be basically the same though, because we all feel so separate and misunderstood, but look at all the ways we're the same. We go through the same stuff. It's just hard to reach out to people sometimes... I don't know.

I'm just kind of tired of not knowing what to do, and not understanding other people, and not having anything to really live for. I don't know what I care about. I guess, people, but even that isn't something I care about enough...

Today has just not been a good day. I'm pissed off because of various things and I don't feel particularly loved. It's not anyone's fault, I'm just in a bad mood and I did some stupid things today that didn't help. It pisses me off, though. Some days, it's great, you have friends, you're just happy... And other days life sucks. I don't know what it is.