wish you were here

Salutations from Costa Maya, México, or wherever the heck I am. This is, what, the third day? Fourth day? of our family's Caribbean cruise. It's not bad. I've purchased 30 minutes of internet access for my laptop, which is enough to send and receive emails and post the occasional weblog entry, as I'm doing now. Indeed.

Yeas, not much exciting has happened of late... well, nothing good, anyways. But, ah well, what can you do.

Mexico is pretty, or at least the water surrounding it is, the temperatures are a bit warm for my tastes (but, I mean, come on, I'm from Colorado, what do you expect?), and the food is on par with dorm food back home. Eh. There was a chocolate souffle last night for dessert, so that was nice.

Most of my free time so far's been spent reading and typing emails, eating, and exploring the ship, but we did go to karaoke a couple nights ago, which was entertaining. And today my family and I strolled out into Costa Maya (olé) to take pictures and buy worthless souvenirs at high prices. I passed up the chance to get a henna tattoo, though. Too bad...

Eh, well, here's wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, and such. Since it's too late for Hanukkah. And, eh, there should be Kwanzaa and... Ramadan? And, uh, maybe a few others thrown in there for good measure...

Eh, screw it. I can't remember anything.

Happy Festivus!

Have Fun.

current song: Annie Lennox - Walking on Broken Glass

I had a lovely time today. Stayed up til 5 last night cleaning. It was.. something to do, at last. I think the thing that's going to drive me nuts the most is not having something to do, something to haunt me. I grow rather affectionate of that cloud of worry that follows me during the school year. There's always something to run away from. You can take as much joy in accomplishment as you can in flight...

So I woke up around 10, cleaned a bit more, took a shower, ate my biscuit, talked to Daniel, called my mom, bought drinks, met Daniel's parents, delivered my orange juice and animal crackers, walked with Daniel to Target, bought scented shampoo among other things, bussed myself back to my dorm, helped Amanda clean up the room, got fetched by the parents, ate some really lovely Indian food, got driven back to home, got online, talked to Cam, talked to Sarah, talked to Josh, talked to Shivani, talked to Daniel.

Maybe there's something terribly wrong with my life as I know it but I'm doing my best not to see it. There's just that nagging doubt that tugs at me... I guess I haven't lost my cloud of worry after all. Welcome back, my cloud...

fun with ascii

	 _______			  _____
	|  |   |\			 /     \   
        |  |___| \			|       |
	|__|   |  \   			|	|
	|  |___|  /   			|	|
	|  |   | /== ~~~~~~~~		|	|
	|__|___|/     			|	|
					|	|
	>+o				|	|
	>+o				|	|
	    ~~				 \_____/
	==={  }		    ____
	    ~~		   /	\   
	==={  }		  |	 |
	    ~~		  |	 |
	==={  }		  |	 |
	    ~~		  |	 |
			   \____/

hi everybody

Now, just because I don't make a blog entry for a week doesn't mean I'm dead. I've just been a bit busy lately.

I almost lost my cell phone yesterday (today)... Thank goodness for Chris and for the kind soul who picked it up and called him in search of the phone's owner.

Things are good but I shall miss my boy over break. Ah, well, that's what email's for, I suppose. And I kept both of us up for far too long today in order to spend more time with him before I leave. So that's alright.

Ugh, I need bed... Tomorrow shall be busybusy. Must take a ritalin when I wake up...

well then.

current song: The Strokes - The End Has No End

I finished reading his entire webjournal. I guess it's a good thing he gave me his monologues. Else, what would I have to read in the wee morning hours?

It's strange though, that I finished it. I didn't think I would so quickly... I find it rather bizarre. I mean... I've... read it all. 131 entries isn't that hard to swallow, but still...

I'll let him keep his own shoes as long as my pictures remain intact. But no more photography for a while. Don't want to torture the poor boy... too much, at least.

I wonder if Jude and Spencer know anything or if they just think I've got a crush?

So, the current list of people I've told:

Nikki, Kelric, Cam, Mom, Dad, Amy, Chris, Ashley, Ashley. I can't remember if there's anyone else. Ah well. <shrugs> I suppose Amanda should know too; she came into the dorm while I was waiting for him, and asked if I needed to be let into the room. I said, no, I was just waiting for my boyfriend... Then I later brought him up to the room in pursuit of a hoodie, and introduced them. So, maybe... Though I doubt she'd actually care.

I think it's pretty nifty that Daniel and Chris met each other though, and chatted about the horrors of Computers as Components. Never mind that Daniel didn't technically take the class. Just... the equivalent...

Time for bed, I suppose.

explanation

So. I wrote a paragraph in my November 29 blog entry about walking to calc class... My dad sent me an email asking about it.

There is a time and a place for vagueness and obscurity, and as much as I enjoy confusing people, and as much as I hate being unnecessarily obvious, sometimes it's nice to be clear. So... this is the explanation I gave my father about the mysterious paragraph. I ... liked being able to explain it all, without using unnecessary pronouns or hiding what I meant.

The day before writing that entry, Daniel wrote a bit of prose regarding his footprints in the snow. He'd walked from his dorm to mine, stayed a bit, then gone back home. By the time he went to go back home again, the footprints were gone, and he was glad about it. He let me read it, and I thought it was rather nice.

Now, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I go to the engineering center around ten. Cam comes in soon afterwards, then Daniel maybe around 10:20 or 10:30. At eleven Daniel has a class, so he goes to that. Spencer comes at some point during this period. Then, at around 11:50 Daniel returns from his class and Spencer usually decides to ditch his. So in those next five minutes I head off to class myself.

With this in mind, I was talking to Daniel in those five minutes, and watching Cam and Spencer bicker playfully. So I looked at my watch, and decided I'd best go to class if I was to get there even remotely on time. "As I walked towards my class I didn't look back." So I walked to class and... I didn't turn around to see what my friends were doing. Just walked toward my destination.

"It was an interesting contrast to, say, last night, for instance." The previous night, after Daniel had visited me and started the walk back to his dorm, I ran to the window on the second floor and watched him as he went. "I'm not the one who's going anywhere. I'm already at my destination. So there's no reason to not look back, at someone who still has a ways to go." Basically, all that was left for me to do was go back to my dorm room and get online and wait for Daniel to get back to his apartment. (It's kind of silly. I'll talk to him before we hang out and after we hang out before finally going to bed. I hope he doesn't get sick of me too soon. He doesn't show any signs of it yet, at least.) So I much preferred to watch him as he trekked across the snow until he was out of sight before going back to my room. You know how I hate waiting for something.

"But when I left for Calc, it was a very liberating feeling. I had things to do and ... my destination was known. And even though I was going away from something... I knew that when I returned, it would still be there, waiting for me." Okay... so this was basically me saying, that when I was walking to Calc, it was different. My two options were 1) look back at my friends, and at the happiness I was leaving behind, or 2) just go towards calculus class, and concern myself with the present and immediate future of being in class and hopefully learning (and getting some Japanese homework done if the learning part was unsuccessful). I chose the second, and it was nice. Because I could be happy in the moment, without regretting that I was leaving my friends and the happiness I feel when I'm with them, safe in the knowledge that once Calc was over I would be able to go back downstairs and talk to Daniel, Spencer, and Luke.

And as I thought this, I thought of what Daniel had written and shown me, and I had this urge to write it down in my journal. My actual, handwritten, don't show to just anybody journal. The problem with this was... I had given my journal to Daniel so that he could read all my writings. So, as a substitute, I wrote it down in my weblog. A little less poetic, and a little more vague, but not terrible.

belief

I don't think I've ever been happier...

I've thought of a ... term of endearment. But I'll only use it in my own mind, never out loud... maybe, someday, I'll use it aloud, but only when I talk to him.

For the first time ever, Cam told me "TMI!" I didn't think it was possible... maybe because he's starting to think that my jokes may be less joke and more truth.

I am insecure, unsure, full of self doubt, fearful of being inadequate, scared of my own inabilities. I think I have the ability... but I cannot examine my ability too closely, because I may not like what I find. I am flawed, but somehow, it doesn't seem to matter so much anymore...

And I don't care what others think! If you think I've done something wrong or scandalous, then it proves to me that you don't know me at all. I am hesitant in small matters, so how could I brush off something so big, so important to me? I could not. I would not. I will not, when the time comes. Though it will be a long time from now, I trust.

cam is not a slut.

Andreas says: don't take Computers as Components until you've taken a few more classes, including Databases.

Note to self: Leave Computers as Components for a semester where I'm only taking 12 credit hours.

As I walked towards my class I didn't look back. It was an interesting contrast to, say, last night, for instance. I'm not the one who's going anywhere. I'm already at my destination. So there's no reason to not look back, at someone who still has a ways to go. But when I left for Calc, it was a very liberating feeling. I had things to do and ... my destination was known. And even though I was going away from something... I knew that when I returned, it would still be there, waiting for me.

jessa: Oh, and... <waves hello to Jamie>
cam: She says Hi Jessa
cam: "jessa's Awsome" she says
cam: I tell jamie that she's full of shit :P

i'll be waiting there for you

current song: Moody Blues - The Day We Meet Again

I'm so lucky to have him... He really does make me happy.

So... it's been, what, a week? Yes. One week... So far.

Thank you.

yours and mine

current song: Moody Blues - For My Lady

We talked for 12 hours, with a one-hour break for dinner... Oh man. Fantastic, but I can't keep doing this... I'm sure he can't either.

Things are good right now.

Yet another entirely unproductive weekend. Dangit, I forgot my laundry!

And I really do think I have a better idea of who he is than she did. I suppose only time will tell.

Oh, I'd give my life so lightly... give it freely, and completely...

perhaps I've found what I've been looking for

current song: The Stills - Yesterday Never Tomorrows

I haven't been this happy in a long time...

Happy Thanksgiving.

some things last forever / why can't this last forever / nothing lasts forever / i hope this lasts forever

i won't let myself let you go

yes

current song: Travis - Flowers in the Window

I'm looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with my mom and dad. It should be interesting. There's lots of stuff to talk about...

I'm feeling much better about the decision I made. Maybe "better" isn't the right word... rather, more secure.

Time to do some math so that I can go to Game Dev and talk online afterwards.

there is time time time
to plant these seeds and watch them grow

let's watch the flowers grow...

wow...

I am... really happy right now.

Maybe... I didn't make.. the safest decision... but... it's ok. I think it'll be ok.

sore wa himitsu desu

<looks at counter stats> Did he get hit 8000? Dear lord...

Today was good... I woke up around noon, surfed the web some, went to the UMC and bought stuff, talked to Dad online, talked to Daniel online, talked to Cam online, ate dinner at Wendy's with Cam, went to scifi, talked to Daniel some more online, and talked to Cam some more online.

Tomorrow should be more productive. I've just got to remember to take a ritalin upon waking... Hmmm. And maybe I should close this webcomic tab...

I'm very happy right now.

frustration

It's odd... Not the most uplifting conversation, but it's certainly making me think. And... I need to stop being so selfish. It ends up hurting me...

I hate it. I want to judge these things myself... but I don't think I have the strength to...

And I still don't know what I want from life...

He was right the first time. I can't keep doing this to myself, because I won't be able to live with myself if I do... The funny thing is, it's one of the few things that I'm willing to waste my time on anymore. It's horrible, but it's true. So I guess I need to get to the point where it's ok to waste my time in other ways.

Ah, well, I suppose realizing that makes me feel better.

Heh heh heh.

So the calc test went much better than expected. I know that I screwed up one part, but I actually have a pretty good feeling about the rest of it. So I may actually get a decent grade on that particular test. Go me.

The Japanese still needs some major work (I'm attempting to memorize 24 kanji before the test tomorrow) and the comp sci as well (the AI project looms) but.. I feel much better now. Hoorah.

Amy and I will exercise tomorrow... I shall do the math homework... I will take the kanji test, mini test C, and oral test, then study group for the chapter test... I'll work on my code for comp sci, mail exercise 5, part 2, and work on the other exercises... But I will not see The Incredibles for the fourth time. Take that!

pondering

So I have a crapload of stuff that I'm unprepared for... Le sigh.

First off, there's the calc test. Bah humbug. I mean... I know what I'm doing in theory... But I've always had a rather difficult time applying concepts. So I may end up doing terribly... and the last lab just hurts my brain... Maybe I should ask for help this time... Though there's only one person I'd really want to ask, and I don't know. I take up so much of his time already and I'd rather just talk to him or learn about computer programming stuff instead. Besides... I don't know what questions to ask really. If I sat down and thought about this stuff I could probably slog my way through it... so how can I ask for help when it's just a matter of me not trying hard enough?

Secondly is the Japanese homework. I'm missing writing 1 and reading 2.. and tomorrow (today) the kanji progress report is due, along with another book report... and there's a test coming up at the end of the week. And what did we do today for our study group? Headed over to Chris's apartment to ogle Half-Life 2. And I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it, but... where's Eno when you need him to keep the group on task?

Third, we have comp sci. So I'm missing notes 5 part two, notes 6, notes 9, and I haven't written anything for the AI stuff yet... and I really need to. I'm looking forward to writing the code and I'm really loving Visual Studio, but... I've been putting it off and I need to start giving it a higher priority.

Well... you know, come to think of it, that's ALL of my classes. Wowie! What do you know? Eh... I'm still doing better than I did in high school... because I at least know what it is I'm missing.

And I still keep going to clubs and doing all this extra stuff.. haha.

But guess what I spent half of Game Dev doing? Talking to Daniel and Luke about math... and guess what? I had more fun doing that than playing Halo 2... Nyah nyah... I scare myself sometimes. Guess I'm just barely crazy enough to be a math major.

edit: No I'm not.

<grin>

oh my

It's strange to think that the guy who makes me happiest is the one that I don't want to become romantically involved with...

It's like what I told Cam in the movie theater when we saw The Incredibles. Before the movie, we were talking... about him, actually... and Cam was of course teasing me in the way that he has. And I said that no, actually, I did not want to have sex with this person or try to do that kind of stuff with him. Cam asked me why not. I replied that, in my experience, romantic involvement is not the best thing you can do for a friendship. He responded saying that I was too cynical for my age. It was okay for him to believe that, because he was 25 and experienced... but I shouldn't think that yet.

Well, it's too late... and it's something I wish I had known sooner. This is actually the first time in my life where I've pushed down any impulses I've had ... because I really want to "just be friends"... Because I do.

It'd be nice to have someone besides Nikki that I can really talk to...

Which reminds me. The Quote of the Day:

psychobunny2323: Jessa..I think he...
psychobunny2323: knows about my secret...
psychobunny2323: :(
kanashii ichigo: ohhh...
kanashii ichigo: your secret identity?
psychobunny2323: not that
kanashii ichigo: lol
psychobunny2323: but..
kanashii ichigo: that you like him?
psychobunny2323: not that..something much more serious
kanashii ichigo: uh oh.
kanashii ichigo: What secret is this?
psychobunny2323: I think he knows..
kanashii ichigo: That you're... really a Man???
kanashii ichigo: Sorry. continue
psychobunny2323: LOL
psychobunny2323: I think he knows..
psychobunny2323: about...
psychobunny2323: about...
psychobunny2323: I cant even say it
kanashii ichigo: your cheese fetish? Spit it out woman!
psychobunny2323: lol
psychobunny2323: ..the other man in my life...I think he found out about Chad (Michael Murray)...
psychobunny2323: he saw the picture on the wall
psychobunny2323: I couldn't hide it from him any longer

oof

current song: Radiohead - Let Down

I think... I'm not going to do my math homework. Sigh. I'll try to make up for it by studying hard for the upcoming test.

I wonder where my index cards went? I'll need them for the Japanese review presentation...

The more I talk the more I'm convinced that it's better than... past conversations. There's more substance, or something.

Where art thou Jude? You need to help us with the AI design!

Aargh... I need to do laundry... Must get more socks... It'd be so much easier if I hadn't broken my sandals...

I hope I'm not getting myself in too deep with this whole... double degree thing. I really really want to do it but then I think, "I'm not doing all my work right now! How can I handle any more?" But that's not the way I work and I know it. I've been doing a lot more work than I'm used to doing. I mean... high school got pretty bad. I could go for weeks without doing a single homework assignment. And this was back when homework was due almost every day. But... I still got through it all with half decent grades. And I got a better score on the calc lab this time. 79/100. And when I told this to David and Chris, saying that I was worried about my grade, they said that sounded like a high B with the curve. But I don't know if they're curving the whole class grade! It'd be really nice though. Huh...

The Jacobian brings back memories though... hmmm. Senior year was... interesting.

Cam is a nerd... Meh. "Does your other boyfriend know you're cheating on him?" Why do I have friends like these?

okaay...

Chaffin! You got hit 7777 didn't you? Nerd.

I am quite disappointed in this text based rpg I downloaded... I think that when I die DOS just exits... I wanna read my death scene! I shall throw things at the hairy caveman until he describes how I am going to be clubbed to death, cooked with some turnips, and served with a nice Merlot...

... Ah, I've fixed it... <reads> Aw, darn, I was just "set upon" by a herd of cavemen, not cooked or anything exciting. That was a let down. <tries again> Ah, that's better. This time I was driven insane by shiny things and split my head open in my rush to get away. Oooh, shiny...

So this was day two of exercising with Amy... It's going okay. I dislike running (ok, so it's not running... it's jogging and walking) but my chest didn't hurt today like it did Monday. Definitely an improvement.

giggle

I ... really need to go to bed...

So I decided it would be a good idea to combine my two IM folders... so now all my saved IMs are in the same folder with the same naming method...

w00t.

Family guy is incredibly entertaining at four in the morning...

I think I need to stock up on Ritalin.

clarification

You people are impossible...

Apparently I gave someone *glare* the impression that I had gotten myself a boyfriend... I ask that person... Whaaa? How did you get that from what I've written on here? Inexplicable... I did not, however, appreciate the "Good" which resulted from my informing this person that I remained single.

Additionally, when I hung out with Amy (as stated in a previous entry)... I did not spend the night, rather I left at two in the morning and went to my dorm...

I repeat that I have no boyfriend, and I do not feel any pressing need to change this fact...

And... In general, I am quite happy with things as they stand...

(kare wa toku ni ii desu...)

parental units

If by any chance you�ve been wondering �what do Rick and Sally do with all that free time they have on their hands now that Jessa has gone off to college?�. See what a excess of free time can result in! Watch the fruits of their pointless labor with mimes.wmv, swift.wmv and elections.wmv. Enjoy! Share them with your friends! Tell them that these are low bandwidth versions of the originals and thus are much less funny!

"I've never been one to think that wise people are just old intellects dishing out quotes or bits of unintelligeble mysteries to the younger generation, rather, those who know when they know not, realize that they are blind by recognizing they see only shadows, and deaf when they hear only beautiful music covering cries of the wounded."

comparison

I had two online conversations tonight... and... it's just humorous to compare them.

Both people are fantastic to talk to in real life, but... well.

I do tend to get more confused by him, though, even though I enjoy the conversations more. And what was that last bit about?!

In other news, next semester's schedule has been decided and looks to be quite fun. Same credit hours as this semester, but I'm replacing the math recitation, the calc 3 computer lab, and the comp sci freshman seminar with a 3 hour Spanish Literature Analysis class. W00t! Except... I'm going to fail. I've forgotten everything. But I'll have fun failing, at least! For the other classes, I'm taking a continuation of comp sci, a continuation of Japanese, and a linear algebra course... And I think I'm going to declare a double major in mathematics... I have so many extra credits from IB and AP, and I really don't want to waste them... which means I should double major in something in the college of arts and sciences... Hence, math. I mean, after calc III, linear algebra and a probability/statistics course, I'll be done with the math requirement for computer science... I'm good at math, so... I'll see. It's the plan so far. And maybe I'll minor in Japanese or linguistics or something...

*ponders* Luke's minoring in linguistics... The Luke from Game Dev, that is. Oh, but I saw him today... wearing more argyle. It's kind of sad though... he shows up and I immediately lose track of the conversation. ¡No comprendo!

Oh, and... I'm better than Spencer because I can sign up for classes 11 days before he can... take that! ... I don't really even care, but apparently he does... and I enjoy rubbing it in.

I voted libertarian (except for where it counts)

I'm not so scared any more... Don't you just love overgeneralizations? It's just a worry right now, and even if anything does happen, it may not turn out to be as bad as I expect.

In other news, math majors are very strange. And then I realize that I may end up being one of them... bizarre.

As far as the election goes, I'm not really that invested in the results. I'm fairly sure Bush will win, but I don't really care at this point. I mean, if he does win, then it will make Cam and Nikki happy, at least.

Observation of the day: Compton-san is really cool.

Oh, and argyle... can be surprisingly attractive. Heh heh heh.

the worst part of wonderful

"My name is Jessa, and I am addicted to people."

Hmmm. I love it very much, but it makes me afraid.

I've been burned, in different ways, by different people... it makes me rather wary of certain... things.

Because of him, I am wary of becoming very close to anyone. Because of him, I am wary of falling for anyone. Because of him, I am wary of letting anyone fall for me.

There's too much pain there... perhaps none of them was worth the pain... But I still wouldn't change things. There was joy there as well...

The more I learn about someone, the more I either hate or love that person.

I'm fairly sure that's what will happen here, but part of me wants that to happen.

Sometimes I hate how passionate I am about things...

Fan-TAS-tic.

current song: Jet - Rollover D.J.

Tonight was truly fun.

So I did some of my math homework this morning. I didn't do part of the assignment that was due Friday. It's my first incomplete homework assignment so far this year. More than halfway through the semester? That's pretty good for me, I'd say. At any rate, this actually prompted me to break out my calculus book after class, though I promptly shut it again after realizing that I had screwed up my calculation of phi. Damn spherical coordinates. Peh. However, I thoroughly enjoyed talking to Daniel about random math/computer science problems whilst Jude and Spencer toiled away on our then-defunct project. I definitely need to help with the design next time, so that I can have a bigger part of the project than ONE BLOODY FUNCTION! Ahem.

Japanese... I realized that I did not have time to get my stuff if I wanted to get to class on time. I started heading to my dorm... then remembered that today we were having a written test. I decided it might be in my best interest to arrive in a timely fashion. The test... was good. I think I did well, more or less anyways. I'm enjoying my recently acquired knowledge of kanji (as was evidenced in comp sci class, where I wrote all the characters I could remember up on the whiteboard while I waited for Jude and Spencer and Cam to fix their bugs). And although I did make some feeble attempts to wait for Chris or David or Chandra... alas, I got pretty bored in the last ten minutes after I finished my test. So at around 2:50 I moved out to the hall.. got a drink of water.. Decided it was lame to wait inside, so I moved outside and sat down outside the door.. Decided it was lame to sit outside the door, so I started walking around in a circuitous fashion.. And finally, I spotted Chandra, and was able to ask her how her test went and feel relieved of my duties to talk to people after the test.

I then got lunch and headed over to the engineering center to help out ma homies wit da PROGRAM, yo.

*blink* Ignore the preceeding statement.

Anyways, I actually managed to help Cam with the displaying of the monomials (don't even bother asking), so I felt needed and productive, that was nice.

Then there was class, where I helped a small amount then satisfied myself with pacing about, drawing on the whiteboard and generally harassing my group members. Darrh. Jude looked pretty bored most of the time, too; it was pretty much Cam and Spencer doing all of the tweaking at that point.

We ended up staying an extra hour to further fix the program. I entertained myself by factoring polynomials on the whiteboard.

After showing off our now almost complete program to Clayton, we headed out. I called Amy and got rejected (a halloween party... cause she's too cool to watch anime on HALLOWEEN), then called Cam and t3h Jude and argued about not knowing where to eat dinner. Whenever Cam answered the phone, he'd say "So where are we eating?" and I'd go "I don't know..." and he'd say "Well call me when you decide" and hang up. So I eventually got fed up and said Farrand and then they decided it would be funny if 1) Cam pretended he had bad reception and 2) Jude called me in the middle of my conversation. Haha...

So we ate... and talked about the nature of carbohydrates and fats and such... And Jude went off and Cam and I headed over to anime... Cam sat on the other side of Daniel this time... It's my personal opinion that it was better for both of us. I only got poked once in the whole evening and I managed to get my revenge for Daniel's previous poking. That was, of course, during a boring part of the movie... hey, we all need some ways to entertain ourselves when things are moving a little slowly. *smirk*

And then I got back home, got online, said hello to Chris, and he suggested I come over and play video games. W00t. So he picked me up and we ended up watching Seven with a bunch of other people... Hoorah! Wish I could remember their names, though. There was Alex, of course, Santana, ... Paris.. Paris' roommate (damn, can't remember his name.) and another girl... Meh. Ah well. Was one of them "Jess"? I can't remember now. But Paris is sexy... because he has a swiffer wet jet. Haha. The views expressed herein are not necessarily the views of this blogowner.

And then after the movie, we talked for a bit, and Chris thwacked Alex in the back of the neck with a squoosh ball thingy, and then fled for his life... And then Santana and I played Time Crisis together (two guns mode!), much to Chris's enjoyment, apparently. And then... I came home! And spent half an hour writing this entry. (apparently... o.o) Joy. So now I'm debating whether I want to sleep... or watch Trigun.

Trigun it is!

considerations

It's mine, my own, and no one else will see it.

It's nice to have something private to smile about...

<wryly smiles>

Oh, and, the lunar eclipse was tonight. The last lunar eclipse for, what, 3 years? Nifty. I hope everyone got a chance to at least look at it.

"worlds biggest asshole... but a funny asshole."

current song: Radiohead - Iron Lung

For the entertainment of all:



Because I feel like it, (some of) the highlights of the evening:

EddiePtrsn: Holy fucking shit the god damn Red Sox just fucking won the whole damn thing! WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS! HOLY CRAP!

GreeneThorne: Yippee!
GreeneThorne: Lack of death is a good think in this instance methinks.

goldfenix42: I have a large supply of defensive pixy sticks and compressed CO2.
goldfenix42: and... ah... scissors and pens...

NoSnowInOviedo: for rizzle? gizzle.
kanashii ichigo: gizzle whilikizzle!
NoSnowInOviedo: xizzle
kanashii ichigo: .. ok, i really have no idea about that one.
NoSnowInOviedo: hizzle
NoSnowInOviedo: hizzle hizzle hizzle

penny for a thought

current song: The Stills - Fevered

Hmmm. Various things have happened to set me thinking.

I ran into Ashley McElreath today. We exchanged a few pleasantries - How are you, How's school going, Isn't it so much better than last year? We left and bid each other a cheery goodbye, and all I could think was "How much of that was genuine?"

I can feel the cracks slipping... I've been trained by society to be pleasant, and for a long time I've treasured the paltry social skills I've assembled in my short lifetime. But I think I'm starting to see the downside to social niceties. If you act pleasant, it's hard to tell how much you really mean it. You start feeling empty inside after every exchange.

I don't know if I would have thought this at all if it hadn't been for him. But I'm very glad I did think it. It's terrible, in some ways, but I'd rather see the emptiness than ignore it blithely.

I also saw his post... And I immediately knew what I would do. Which is a bit startling. It lets me know that even adopting it in the first place was a lie. I mean, yes, it was fun... But I knew I would get bored from the first. I was never prepared to stay for very long. The fact that I don't have to anymore - because he isn't going to - is a relief. Which then sets me to thinking - how much of the activities I participate in is for others? Do I want to live my life that way? I dislike the notion of doing things for anyone but myself - but maybe it's not such a bad thing. To do things because of people, because you care about them, does not always mean doing things because someone wants you to do them. If I get involved in different activities because my friends enjoy them and participate in them, does that mean I am doing it because they want me to? I don't think so.

I'm starting to like my philosophy. It's a strange mixture of the philosophies of all the people I've known in my life and maybe a bit of my own added in for flavoring.

I don't want to be afraid of change anymore. I know there was a time in the past when I couldn't stand the thought of changing; but there have been just as many times where I feared that I would never change. But I will change if I let myself, and it will not be for the worse or for the better... It will just be different.

I just have to remember to listen to the right songs and talk to the right people and trust in my own strength. If I survived IB...

I will carry on where others have failed. I will never be like Scott.

I like thinking. I want to read his journal more. But I will write my Kanji list first. And maybe talk online. It doesn't matter that Cam thinks it doesn't count as human interaction. To me, the exchange of thought is more important than anything else I know.

wheee!

current song: Eminem - My Dad's Gone Crazy

Sleep is for the weak! HAHAHAHA!

So I've talked to quite a few people tonight online.

Daniel, Nikki, Amy, Srav, Chris, Chris's roommate, and Kelric, a guy from the forum.

I'm going nuts. But I studied for Japanese and I'm doing OK on the calc lab!

Wheeee!

few complications

You know what's weird? I see Sanchez all the frickin' time. He's in my room right now - talking to my roommate. I swear, they're great buddies. They smoke pot together and hang out a bunch. There's a whole group of "smokers" here. But it's just weird to see the kid and know he's such good friends with my roommate. One of those small world things, I guess?

I cannot, for the life of me, work on this stupid calculus lab. Ritalin is worthless. Bah.

Meh, since I'm not working on my math anyway, I may as well have some fun.

I must say that I am oh-so glad that I have Japanese every day. Hum a happy tune!

behold

Observe the new link in the menu: yes, that is a weblog.

If you're stuck look at the names that come after Eve and before Matt. My, my, what a big range, F through L.

Today was better than yesterday, Sean of the Dead was enjoyable, Amy's halloween outfit is nifty, and Jude's Japanese videos are hilarious. That is all.

edit: Ok, I've attempted to fix ALL my links. Hoorah.

I feel a bit better now after reading Cam's comment. Strange that that's all that takes.

Maybe it's the song too.

And now I've started chewing on the twix wrapper. It's quite satisfying.

boys act too much girls act too tough enough is enough

the endless cycle

Maybe something's wrong with me. I've been noticing it lately.

Like, near the end of the math test, I was reading the math test aloud in my head. Just hearing what it said but not really paying attention. See, when I read written words I'll hear it spoken in my mind. For instance, sometimes when I'm reading a friend's poem or blog entry or something, I'll read it and hear their voice in my head saying the words. So I was reading one of my math questions, and hearing it spoken in a voice that I think I invented myself and that I'll sometimes hear if I'm not really paying attention or I'm in a weird mood.

But the thing that caught my attention was the thought: "Oh, it's just the voices again." And phrased like that, it's kind of a scary thought. It was an offhanded comment, spoken (inside my brain) in an offhanded manner, but it startled me out of my semi-dreamy state into full awareness.

There was also the comment I made to Chris about thinking the right letter and writing the wrong one, or thinking the wrong letter and writing the correct one. He asked if it had something to do with dyslexia. I really don't think I have dyslexia. I've never thought it before, anyway. But both Spencer and Eric said at some point that they think they have mild dyslexia, and it's not anything major, just weird things like reading the wrong thing or in the wrong order.

And when my leg started shaking in Japanese it bothered me. Some part of me was afraid that it was intentional. Of course it wasn't. I've always done it. In fact, I'm doing it right now.

And I keep eating candy, and I think it's because of this damned oral fixation. I always have to fidget or have something in my mouth. It's annoying. It's part of the reason why I bite my nails so much and chew on my pencils. I know it's gross, but it's hard to stop. I guess that's not much of an excuse, though.

Yesterday, of course, I had a wonderful day. And I woke up today to realize that I had no recitation. Delightful. And I even hung out with David and Chris and Compton to study Japanese after class. But as I walked home the melancholy settled in. Eating helped a bit but not enough. I don't want to talk to anyone, really. It was nice to talk to Dad but I can't imagine talking to anyone else. I don't want to surf the net. I don't want to talk online. I didn't go to Kitt. I had to force myself to go to dinner. I didn't force myself to go to lunch. I just barely remembered that I had to do math. If I hadn't thought of it I'd probably just be listening to music and staring into space. It's the only thing I don't mind doing. I was doing it for a while, after getting frustrated by my homework. I just sat, and listened, and started composing this entry in my head. So I thought I'd write it down.

It bothers me that things can change so quickly.

I don't understand how people don't get bored with this. Why does Daniel want to look at my archives? Why does he want to talk to me? Why does anyone? I'm biased, I suppose. Nothing really appeals to me right now. Except for typing out my thoughts, sucking on a twix wrapper, and listening to music.

I'm bored with everything. It's not a pleasant feeling. Of course, I don't really care, as that's the nature of my affliction. I don't care about much of anything. Nothing seems important or fun right now. I was thinking about it for a while, and I came to the conclusion that I dislike this state not because it's inherently bad, but because it makes me uncomfortable. It's not normal. For me, anyways. I think that indifference, in many ways, is a form of death.

Well, the music is an improvement, at least. It helps me keep feeling. Better nostalgic or reflective or even miserable than apathetic.

Hopefully this will pass soon. I know it will, I just don't know when. It's alright. I can wait.

o glorious day

Ah, man. Good day.

Woke up early, browsed the forum (I can see why this stuff is so addicting), had a nice leisurely shower, woke up my oversleeping roomie, surfed the net some more. Just before noon I headed to calc.

Afterwards I had a brief conversation with Spencer and Daniel then ate lunch (it's been so long since I sat down for lunch!) and headed off to Japanese.

I forgot my homework. Ah well.

Afterwards, walked with Chris, then ran up to my room, then ran off to comp sci.

I left in the middle, for twas time for the calc exam.

And I must say... It was a blast. I actually had fun doing a calculus test. Ah, the joys of partial integrals and McLaurin polynomials and double integrals over simple regions (think triangles... haha).

If I didn't do well on that exam there's something seriously wrong with the world in general.

And after that I searched for wireless networks outside (there's a nice one near the music building) and talked to Daniel and Chris online. And then I studied Japanese with Chris (haha... I never get anything done when I'm around my friends. It took about 5 hours to do two assignments). His apartment is pretty nifty. There were plenty of videogames, anime titles, and fake swords (haha! LARP!) to keep me entertained whenever I wasn't working on homework. Heh heh.

Hmmm... methinks I should update my profiles post on my lj account.

And now Pirates of the Caribbean is on. Maybe I should be a pirate for Halloween. Or not.

tee hee

current song: travis - quicksand

I found Daniel's website: GreeneThorne's Realm

I missed out on GameDev's "Game appreciation night"... in order to read and post on Brutesquad.net / OctopusOverlords.com ... Heh. I swear I was planning on studying! But I forgot to bring my notebook and then Cam distracted me and then I wanted to make that introductory post as advised by Chris and then... Hmmm.

But, God, I love being a girl geek.

Ok, finally time to do that math equasions sheet!

I can't wait till Sophomore year when people might actually understand my tshirt...

And the last thing: I can't believe we talked for an hour and twenty minutes. Ah, joy. It's fantastic to be able to hold a conversation for that long.

coche mío

Oh, man. So I bought The Stills' Logic Will Break Your Heart. It's fantastic. I seriously am loving it so far.

But, yes, it's clearly been an exciting weekend. I went to Anime Anonymous with Amy on Friday (and when, during the middle, she left to take a phone call, I relocated to say hi to Daniel). Afterwards I went back to Amy's place (oohlala) where I ate sunflower seeds, watched Fushigi Yuugi and Black Heaven, and molested her pillows (sqooshy!). I woke up around 9, sat around for a while, then headed out to catch the 11 o'clock bus. An hour later, I met up with my parents; we ate lunch at a french restaurant downtown, then headed off to a costume store, guitar center, michael's, ross, soundtrack, and costco. Then we had the bright idea to stop by the toyota dealer on our way home, so that we could try test-driving the prius. After all, my dad reasoned, I'd probably want a car next summer and the Prius had a 6 month waiting list, last he'd checked. So off we went.

We parked in the lot and found, apparently, the only available used 2004 Prius in all of Colorado. Can we test-drive it? my father asked. Of course, replied Bobby, our friendly salesman. So he drives it out of the lot, I take over, almost run through a stop sign, hand it over to dad, and we head back in. And Mom and Dad look at each other and a couple phone calls to Grandma and Grandpa and a few muttered conversations later, we sign the papers and voila! I have a car.

It'll be staying at home with mom and dad, for now. There's no point in bringing it up to Boulder, since I don't have a parking permit, I don't know how to drive between Denver and Boulder, and I still need more practice driving in general. It's got WAY better gas mileage than the SUV, so Mom will probably be using it quite a bit. And if she likes it enough she says she might just get her own. I think my car's safe. It's a good thing black's not her color.

eeeeeee!

I have a new beloved.



I <3 my Toyota Prius

handy al bhed phrases

e ys dra tajem, milevan. ymm puf pavuna sa!
i am the devil, lucifer. all bow before me!

oui yna cdibet, pid e ys y kaheic.
you are stupid, but i am a genius.

cyja ib du vevdaah banlahd eh vevdaah sehidac fedr GEICO.
save up to fifteen percent in fifteen minutes with GEICO.

See what I do with my time? I need help, I tell you.

The word of the day is... chamomile.

boooooooooring

Today was uneventful. It's really quite boring here with no one around. I did get a haircut though.

I was wrong, however, about having the room all to myself... Amanda's staying too. Not that it makes a difference; she's hardly around.

I AM 59% EVIL GENIUS! Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings. Take the EVIL GENIUS test at Fuali.com

Now isn't that nifty?

*evil cackle*

you are the afterglow

current song: franz ferdinand - the dark of the matinèe

I love the intro to this song.

So tomorrow I need to get up early in order to mathematica all the answers to my calc lab. And then once I've calculated and labeled and formatted my heart out, I'll print it, and send it, and be done with the damn thing. And then I'll read my comp sci homework between math and japanese, or between japanese and comp sci. And I'll also write my blurb on my time log and find a place to print it.

However, not all is wrong in the world. Game dev club was surprisingly fun this time. Wanna know the secret? I paid attention to the flash presentation, which I understood, and when the OpenGL tutorial began, and I didn't get it, I instead talked to the graduate student sitting next to me about pointers and the manipulation of data types and the differences between gl and directx. Ah, joy. I like Daniel. He's cool! In a nerdy way. After all, he is a math graduate. Who is now pursuing a degree in computer science.

Yesterday (two days ago?) was Eric's birthday. It's odd. I remember what I got him last year as a birthday present. I miss him, and my other friends, and high school... but only a little. I've been really surprised at how... comfortable I am here. I like it here. It feels like I belong.

And even though most people are leaving for fall break, Cam said he'd be back on Thursday. And I'll have the dorm room all to myself. Hooray.

oh, and...

The guy I didn't know the name of in friday's post?

His name's Logan. Not that it really matters... but whatever. It's nice to know.

headache

I had one earlier today after doing two hours of computer science homework. And now it's back. Maybe I need to stop staring at my computer screen.

I'm watching MTV right now. This is a nice song. Ah, I see, Simple Plan.

I have so much shit to do. It's going to bite me in the ass. Oh well. At least I'm not going to California like Cam and Jude. Ch. Stupid x-prize.

I need some shirts from either thinkgeek.com or jinx.com or hottopic.com.

This Jimmy Eat World video is really bizarre, but I like the song. Which is good, I'm finally buying a jew (haha) album.

It takes my pain away...

the ladder crashes and burns

I was talking to Sarah today about my "ladder" and came to realize that there are really only two boys I'm interested in... at all. There are bunches that I think are cute, but that's almost always true.

But, really. There's him (F), and him (B). I think he's (T) cute, but he has a girlfriend so I don't care. I think he's (A) somewhat cute, but also girlfriend. He's ok (K), but eh. He's (M) cute, but not really the type I'm attracted to. (Alright, alright, with that one exception. The very big exception.) He's (D) cute, but I hardly know him. There's him (G) and him (C) but they're both older than me; one's a junior and the really cute one is a grad student. He's (S) hot but has a girlfriend and is just spastic. He's (C) ok but way, way too old. He's (?) pretty cute, but I don't even know his name (yet). He's (C) already gone out with and broken the heart of someone on my floor. He's (L) cute but rather mean. He's (P) nice but not as attractive. And a lot of boys I just don't know or talk to that much.

So, yes. Even the two I'm most interested in are problematic, as one has a semi-girlfriend and some suspected emotional problems and the other has a crush (who lives in CheyHo) and a roommate who's practically his Tyler Durden who I've sworn platonism to.

That made no sense.

Too bad.

But... the "Sarah's a redhead" thing?

Um... yeah. That was rather blatant in my opinion.

a rainy day

current song: the strokes - is this it

Today, so far, has been a collection of small disasters and miracles.

I woke up and took a shower and miraculously was NOT late to class! Hooray! I did not, however, get any breakfast.

I strolled off to comp sci recitation, met a nice guy named Steve, who does not know very much about programming, so I helped him a bunch. Since the assignments now require you to work in a group. The assignment was really fun, too. We're working with graphics and since I figured out how to get a random number yesterday with Cam, I was making squares of various colors and sizes randomly placed about the screen. Quite entertaining.

However, I spent an extra hour in comp sci precisely because it was so fun. And looked up at the clock and saw that I was already 5 minutes late to Japanese.

Additionally, at some point during comp sci I realized that I had left my purse (including my keys) in the dorm. And it was raining outside.

So I waited, in the rain, for someone with keys to come up to the dorm so I could get in, get my stuff, and take 10 minutes to walk to Hellems.

Ah, well. It was a remarkably short Japanese class.

But during Japanese I was split into a group with Brian and ... dang. Don't know how to spell his last name. David's his first name, anyway, but I know him as hool-san (or however it's spelled). Since we go by last names in japanese class. Anyway, I was talking to him as class ended, and I ended up walking with him to his little apartment in family housing. Apparently he's living there with his mom and little brother. Sugoi desu ne. And two little kitties. I mean, two little fishies. Since kitties aren't allowed. Uh... yeah. But, he's really nice. I'm glad I got to talk to him. He's a freshie too! One of the few freshmen in that class, it seems.

So that was really fun. But I realized that I had, again, forgotten my purse, this time in Japanese class. I left at 2:45, planning on walking back to Hellems and then to my calc 3 lab. However, since family housing is near the edge of campus in a section I'd never been to before, I got lost. It took me 30 minutes to find Hellems again. And then, since I hadn't eaten anything and my feet were dying (I made the terrible mistake of wearing sandals on a rainy day), I walked into the UMC, and saw the domino's, and thought... Mmmmmm. So I got domino's and ate and walked back to my dorm and by the time I got there it was 4:45, so I wouldn't have made it to class anyway. Since the class is technically over by 4:50 and most people end up leaving 20 minutes early anyway. Ah, well. I still can miss the class one more time without failing.

And then I got the email telling me that I need to attend a scholarship dinner on friday, and that jeans are not allowed. So now I have to go buy a skirt. Heh.

ke ke ke

...as devin used to say.

That letter made my day. MADE MY DAY! Woot.

And to inform y'all of what has happened since my last entry, I shall refer to my handy dandy homework assignment, which was to keep a time log for a week. I'm cheating though; I forgot to record Saturday so I'm going to record next Saturday and Sunday instead.

On Tuesday I spent 9 hours with the Kitt group. And recorded it in my time log. And thought, yeesh, why am I not getting sick of these people?

On Wednesday I overslept... yes, that's right, my first class is at noon and I still slept in till 12:20. I blame it on my cold. Which I think I got from Chris and gave to John. And I probably gave it to Amanda as well. Poor thing. At any rate, it's the first class I've missed so far! And I had some trouble with that night's homework but whatever. The TA explained it the next day in recitation.

At any rate, Wednesday was my busy day; I had calc (well, not really, since I didn't go), Japanese (sweet sweet nihongo no kurasu), CSCI 1300 (Cam & Spencer & Jude & unknown guy - he's pretty cool though, eventually I'll figure out what his name is), CSCI 2830 (Cam & semi-Spencer - he wasn't sitting as close by), then Cam walked me to Japan club cause he needed to know where the Hellems building was for a job interview the next day. And Japan Club was fun, we're gonna have a sushi party and either rock-climbing or karaoke. *grin* And following that I went to the Study Abroad Fair where I picked up a multitude of pamphlets and discovered that I could study abroad... next semester. In a spanish speaking program even. Because I meet the requirements for the spanish-speaking programs and the programs taught in English. Needed:

-x.0 gpa (which I'll get since I need a 3.0 for my scholarships and very few study abroad programs require more than that)
-second-semester sophomore status/junior status (which I have thanks to my lurvly IB and AP credits - 53 of them, in fact)
-SPAN 3000 for the programs taught in spanish (which I got from my AP Spanish test)

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Anyway, during the study abroad fair I met up with the Kitt kiddos and wandered off with them. And since I was starving, a bunch of us went to the Harddrive cafe and I got a mediocre quesadilla. And we watched Monty Python. And then I got back to my dorm room and Princess Bride was on, so I watched that too. I think for the third time that week. Yeesh. Too much Princess Bride. And that's saying something.

Thursday nothing much happened, I just played Phantasy Star with Flowen and Mike and Tim and hung out in Brian and Alex's room. And watched a lot of Real World. Dear lord.

On friday I woke up early to do the calc hw I'd been slacking off on. I finished it all a half hour before class and decided it would be a wonderful idea to take a shower. So I was late. Eh. After comp sci I went with Cam and Jude down to Pearl Street, ate Chipotle again (and Cam paid again! Dammit! I tried to pay for him in order to pay him back and what does he do? pay for both his and mine!), and walked around looking at the Buskers. Cam was mean to the Zip code guy by giving him a military zip code. (fort polk, maybe? eh, it's in LA. I keep thinking about Sarah when I talk to Cam, just because of the GA and LA stuff. Lame connection I know. Not as lame as the fact that I [still] think Tim looks like Foote.) (And it's true that I don't know Foote at all! I admit it! I've hardly spent any time with the kid! But whatever. It's kind of like how Mike reminds me of someone but I'm not quite sure who... it's just an appearance thing. Do you ever get that?) But I digress. I whined at Cam and Jude so that I could go to Kitt. Oh, they say, she's bored of us, she wants to hang out with the COOL people. Haha. Anyway, we did eventually go back and I walked to Kitt, where I played two games of Magic with Jon and watched Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. I think. Yeah, something like that.

And then Saturday I went home on the bus, went out to lunch with mum and dad (and Keith and Gab and Amy) to an Indian place. Yum. And then Keith went with mum and I to the Performing Arts festival, where we watched some teenagers do improv. And then we drove home, and I played Sims 2 and dad went off to do Joey & Maria and Mom and I picked up some food from McDonald's and played Fable. Which was fairly dorky, but the punching people and being evil was enjoyable.

And on Sunday, oh glory of glories, I went to Nan Desu Kan with Nikki. Hooray! We saw the art gallery room, and bought a bunch of stuff at the dealer's room, and played this DBZ fighting game (Nikki was quite attached to teen Gohan), and watched Gunsmith Cats, and ate at Qdoba, and unsuccessfully attempted to beat this one guy in DOA3 (he was really good, he had a 40 or 50 game winning streak), and played each other in DOAX, and ate pocky, and walked in on the art auction, and I indulged myself and browsed through the yaoi doujinshi, but I didn't buy any of it. Ah, but, I was talking to this one guy while Nikki and I were playing DOAX, and maybe 40 minutes later, when we had to leave, he asks me for my phone number so we could "go see a movie or something". I said no, and that it'd be kinda hard to orchestrate anything since I live up in Boulder now (since he knew I lived in Aurora and he lives in Denver, or whatever). But, man. This is a big deal for two reasons:

1. I can't remember the last time I actually rejected someone. I don't think Greg counts. I guess there was the time in second grade when someone asked me out so I said no (well, duh - it's second grade). And my friend kissed me on the cheek in fourth grade so I basically made my dad tell him I was busy doing homework when he wanted to hang out and ride bikes with me. That wasn't outright rejection per se. And Shorty hinted that he liked me sophomore year but he never asked me out, and I never said anything about it either.
2. No one's ever asked me for my phone number before. At least, anyone who wasn't a friend wanting my number for friend-related or school-related purposes.

So that's all. For now.

a mouse sitting on a cat sitting on a dog

Tee hee. Eh, I don't know.

So Nikki's getting a new roommate. Yay for Nikki! Down with the evil region of France! Haha. I'm a nerd.

Speaking of which, very few people got my t-shirt... props to those who understood after I explained, at least. Yatta. You people made my day!

So I went to Chipotle with Cam and Spencer. Spencer, it seems, has the attention span of a gerbil. I swear, he's worse than me. He was walking around on a ledge, swinging around poles, talking a mile a minute, and constantly switching the subject. In short, I was very confused. He also seems to share my oral fixation. Cam was going to say something mean about it but since I too have the fixation, and because I gave Cam a gmail account, he was unable to smite Spencer with his cruel wit. Haha! Speaking of Cam and the gmail... I came into comp sci today and Cam gave me this big smile and said something like, "You're wonderful!" I was like, wtf? Why are you being so nice? Then I remembered. And was pleased. Oh, and if any of you people want a gmail account... I guess I can give you one. I don't know too many people who are just dying to have one. Cam being the exception.

But anyway, the Chipotle was good. I must go frequently. Delicious burrito... *drool*

Oops, I owe Cam money. Eh, I'll probably see him tomorrow.

Oh, and the person to get hit #6666 wins a prize!

there could be nothing better

I'm really happy.

It's odd. And hard to explain. The fact that it's just-friends (or, as he put it, "friends with no strings attached") just makes it so much easier somehow.

I like being a teddy bear.

I'm starting to understand why platonic is perfect.

It's perfect.

I guess I'm just not cut out for having a boyfriend.

Somehow this is the best of all worlds.

*tickle*

Alright, I'm finally convinced that I have the mental age of seven.

And... I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through. I think all I really needed was to be your friend. Thanks for your friendship, even though I didn't appreciate it like I should have.

nani?

Ow, fuck. I've got a headache.

Apparently Nikki called, but my parents thought I was asleep so didn't pick it up or anything.

Ow.

Time to watch the Yatta video.

can't complain

Well, the game developer tutorial went way over my head, but other than that, it's all good.

I bought a sketchbook today. It's fun so far. I'm glad I got it.

So far I'm still keeping up with my homework. It's inexplicable.

There are 3 options for friday. Home, The Wall, or anime. Which shall it be?

I randomly ran into the group on the way to Ben Kweller. That made my day.

I didn't go to Kittredge today, but I did get poked. Which also made my day. But, man, it must mean that on Tuesdays he has an class in the engineering building right after japanese. I guess it's not so bad for him, since he has a bike. I know I wouldn't be able to get there in time.

urk

All I can say is, damn you Sarah. I think he's cute (ok, really cute) and he probably isn't even interested. And, Jebus, triple major??? Well, whatever. I trust that you at least ascertained that he was single before you "presented" him.

Speaking of single... meh. I feel bad, a little, but in a lot of ways it's such a relief. He expected it. I don't know why he didn't call me. He has my cell phone number. Lame. Apparently we're going the "still be friends" route.

Other than that, not much new. The 25-year old (not the new zealander, a different one) is now definitely not in the picture. Thank god. And the other geek has a girlfriend, so he's gone. Sad. It's ok, because... well, nevermind.

But... yes, I'll say it, because you probably won't understand; he's cute too. So I get two for the price of one? Room, anyway.

I do find it interesting though that, on Sarah's photo album, there are no pictures of him.

All in all, though, they're all really nice and I'm glad to know them. They're the kind of people I want to meet in college, maybe. Lousy beer-drinking non-nerdy engineers.

who would want to be such a control freak?

Ugh, there are too many Christians handing out flyers. I tried to refuse one girl by saying, "Jesus doesn't love me" but I couldn't manage the glare that's supposed to accompany that phrase. So she just said something along the lines of "Oh, of course Jesus loves you!" and forced her little brochure on me. Dangit. I took my revenge by stomping on the chalk sidewalk advertisements as I pass them. I'm stomping on Jesus! Haha! Bet he doesn't love me NOW! Although one of the ads had a little stick figure Jesus with a big red heart, and he's just so cute and happy that I stopped stomping on him.

God, I'm so awful.

In other news, I keep running into people I know. It's so eerie. Becca lives on the floor below me.

So I had some easy classes today, recitation for comp sci, japanese, and calc 3 computer lab. In the computer lab we're using Mathematica. My logon name wasn't working so I shared with the girl next to me, and we tried to figure out how to display pi. I know it's possible, dammit.

I'll get a page of digits to distribute to all the nerds I can find.

It's kind of sad though, because I just keep getting reminded how much I miss my friends.

I'm going to try to send everyone at least one email.

A bad thing though - today some guy asked if I had a boyfriend (long story) and I immediately said "No." I corrected myself but I still think it's a bad sign. Maybe it's just cause I'm so used to not having one? Bah. That's a lame excuse and I know it.

hmmm

I appear to have 72 xanga subscriptions in my google inbox, 67 of which are unread. I'm thinking I'm not going to read them anytime soon.

a new beginning

So today was the first day of classes. Not too bad. It takes 5 minutes to get to any of the classes in the ECCR building (meaning all my classes except Japanese) and 15 minutes to get to Hellems, which houses JPNS 1010. I've got all my little notebooks and such. And apparently I don't need the textbook I bought for comp sci, so back to the bookstore it goes.

I woke up bright and early (6:30, which for me is sleeping in, at least compared to last year) and headed down to the gym. Boy were my arms sore afterwards. Headed back to the room, took a nice long shower, went off to get instructions about my alternate science sequence petition, ate breakfast at Sewall (hella far away and definitely not worth it... all they had was waffles), scoped out the Hellems building, headed back to the room, surfed the net for a bit, found all my classes in the engineering building, came back to the room again, and frittered about for maybe a half hour before finally heading to calculus. My conclusion: I have way too much time in the mornings.

Calculus all we did was go over the syllabus (aka the rules) and point our little clickers around. The clickers are pretty cool though, you have to admit. They not only function to record attendance but they also give the teacher feedback when he explains a section poorly! Neato frito. The last five minutes consisted of "This is a vector, children." Dear lord. Yes, I know how to add and subtract vectors. Derrh. S'ok. I've already done both homework assignments due this week. This class is going to be so awesome (read: easy).

So then I eat lunch (I ran into Aaron, which was awesome, so I sat at his table) and lose track of the time and run off to start my long trek to Japanese. I get there and there are maybe two seats left. Erk. So then the teacher makes us pair up with the person next to us and find out about them or whatever. So I talk to the girl next to me: she's an anime geek who likes video games and is a comp sci major. Slightly ... coincidental (read: creepy). But the class was fun, the teacher kept making us sit down and stand up and raise our hands. Reminded me of one class we had in Spanish in 8th grade. "¡Levántase la mano izquierda!"

I come back to the room afterwards and start on the math homework and of course lose track of time. By some miracle someone came into the room 5 minutes after 4 and mentioned the time in passing so I was only 10 minutes late.

Both my computer science classes were boring, but what do you expect for an intro-to-the-class class?

And of course I forgot to go get dinner. I think this is the second time. Gah. I should just eat as soon as comp sci ends, or something.

I feel green/Like teenage lovers between the sheets

btw

Today marks the year anniversary of my counter, that's cool. That's a lot of hits in one year. At least, I think so.

A prize for the person who got hit #5678!

And that prize is... I get to point and laugh at you. What am I saying? I do that anyway...Just kidding.

the hill

...is where 90% of my dorm seems to have gone tonight. This is insane. It's a frickin' ENGINEERING DORM! What's wrong with the world today?

Ah well. Even though they're "wild partiers" (hahahaha..) I like both of my roommates. They're very nice people. And I'm guessing that every weekend I get the room to myself. Woot!

I just need to make sure they know not to bring it into the room or pressure me into doing anything.

The thing that gets me is that I'm in the engineering dorm and there are, like, no nerds. At least, no nerds that don't also want to get drunk and party it up. Oh, well. It's ok. I'm cool. No really.

In other news, I have purchased all my textbooks. Maybe. I'm STILL waitlisted for Calc. And since I'm waitlisted I only have 11 credit hours. Which means I'm not a fulltime student. Which means I'm not fulfilling the requirements of my scholarships. Which means my mommy is worried. Bah. I'll fix it... on Sunday, I guess; you can't register for classes on Saturdays.

In other other news, there appears to be a cute 22-year old New Zealander in the room across the hall. Hooray? He stayed away from tonight's festivities, even though he's one of the few people for which it'd be legal. Interesting.

the joys of college!

Even in the quaint engineering dorm of Crosman, students yesterday evening were piling on top of each other and having dance parties featuring the popular dance tune "Rock Your Body." The hall party ended in tragedy when multiple participants grew bored. Hopefully this event will end more happily in future occurences.

Ay ay ay. Well, college is... interesting so far. My roommates are tolerable but time will tell. I've only eaten dorm food once so far, at Libby Hall, and it was pretty nice. The seating area was cute and there were grilled cheese sandwiches that reminded me of the kind they made in the school cafeteria - the greasy kind. I love that kind.

My roommates are far more social than I, and so I've been spending some time with them hanging out in guys' rooms and talking to people. Amanda's died her hair red since the senior picture she sent. The change is a bit startling. Ashley's pretty nice, and very neat, and apparently she smokes. Which sucks but whatever. She can't do it in the room and my sense of smell is warped anyway so I doubt it'll bother me. I guess she must've lied on her dorm registration form; they're supposed to pair up smokers with other smokers and vice versa.

Ashley also initiated the hair-scrunchie-on-the-door discussion. I'm looking forward to that. *cough* Uh, yeah. Or not.

I also made the interesting discovery that there appear to be only two comp sci majors of the female sex. Me being one of them. What the hell. I thought engineering was supposed to be 20% women??

However, the good news is I ran into Sarah on the way from the UMC, textbooks in tow. So her and the pillar and I shall be hanging out later in the evening. Woot.

goodbye party #2

I was wrong! I will see them again!

Wheeeeeee!

But I'm going out to dinner with my parents first because that's what we said we'd do earlier. I'm so glad I get to see peoples though. And I'm glad that she set up the yahoo group. I can write people, just like he suggested. It'll be so cool! I better bring stamps and envelopes with me to Boulder, then.

Lalalalalalalalala.

almost over

current song: the strokes - automatic stop

Well, I've been incapacitated the past few days because on Tuesday I got my wisdom teeth out. It's been ok so far, but I'm bummed about the no rice for a month. Bah.

On Wednesday is the engineering orientation, so I guess that's when I'm moving in, as well. My two roommates seem nice enough. There are various other people going to Boulder who I might see around, as well. I doubt I really will, though. Alex's surprise party on Thursday was the last time I'm going to see my friends, really. I'll see Sarah again sometime, hopefully, and I'll hang out with Nikki, of course, but not anybody else. It's ok though. It was fun, and it's probably better to not have to go through all the crappy farewell speeches. It doesn't make sense to spend the last time you have with your friends unhappy because they're going away. Save the unhappiness for when they're actually gone. Right?

And of course I still have Cyrano. I'm such an idiot. I guess it gives me an excuse to see everybody again.

Boulder will be fun, and I haven't failed at anything I've set myself to so far. I survived IB, didn't I?

so come and dance with me

I think I'm liking the Franz Ferdinand album best of the four.

So here's a new layout. Hmmm... I better make sure the fonts are variable lest Sarah be rendered unable to read it.

I got distracted so I didn't end up mailing a postcard after all. Ah, well. Tomorrow's another day.

But before I forget, the exciting news of the day: I have driven by myself for the first time! Woot! I went to Goodtimes. A real stressful drive, that. I had to go a whole... 3 blocks? Regardless, I have gone on my first "solo flight" as my mom termed it. It wasn't half bad. I think I could get used to this. Too bad I'm not getting a car next year. >.<

Man, "Such Great Heights" is so awesome too. I think Postal Service and Franz Ferdinand shall have to battle it out on my computer.

They will see us waving from such great heights. "Come down now," they'll say. But everything looks perfect from far away. "Come down now -" But we'll stay.

¡música!

So I've gone and bought a bunch of cds again. All with my beloved birthday borders gift cards. Joy.

The CDs in question:

• Franz Ferdinand - Self-titled
• Modest Mouse - Good News for People Who Love Bad News
• The Postal Service - Give Up
• The Strokes - Room on Fire

And I am now listening to them. Hooray. My dad was interested in Modest Mouse and The Strokes, but I think he'll hate them both. He's least likely to hate Franz Ferdinand. Maybe I can force him to listen to it with me.

I also got Greg the new Sugarcult album for his birthday. And a moose. The first of my souvenirs to be dealt out. Ooh - time to mail Nikki a postcard!

tadaima

Well, I'm back. Joy.

Bah. I'm tired. And I don't want to talk about the trip. Why should I bother? It's a stupid trip. I saw stuff. The pictures I took are all I really care to remember. But right now I'm too tired to wade through hundreds of pictures and pick out the best ones and crop them and fiddle with them and photoshop them and save them in another folder. I'm just tired in general.

The most interesting part of the trip was the traveling just because it was so horrible. The first two planes were canceled. The third had to go back to Denver to refuel. The other two were fine. So we got to London in time for the cruise, but not in time to see London. It doesn't matter; I'm going to live there someday anyway. I'll see it then.

Other than that there were just too many excursions, a cold, gambling, vegetarian haggis, the hot waiter, being able to drink alcohol but choosing not to.

The only thing I've learned from the experience is that travel is hell, that I have the maturity of an eleven-year old, that cruises are overrated, that Europe is pretty, and that I am far too occupied with boys. I'm tired of it.

I don't know though; I seem to be tired of everything nowadays.

I finished Cyrano de Bergerac. It was quite good. I hope I'll get a chance to return it.

time to leave...

Sunscreen, watch, AA batteries.

Other than that I have all my stuff. My parents are panicking.

In 30 minutes we leave for the airport.

I still need to shut down my desktop.

Talk to you people in August. Maybe I'll bring you back souvenirs.

the toe of doom

current song: Maroon5 - Secret

So, yesterday I stubbed my toe on the leg of the wicker cabinet rather violently, and it seems to have turned a gruesome shade of purple. I couldn't resist taking a picture of it, so for your enjoyment: the Toe. The picture's actually kind of pretty, I think, disregarding the fact that Toes should most certainly not be that color.

In my shameful neglect of this weblog, I forgot to talk about my fourth of July celebrations. Although I've completely forgotten what happened in the morning and afternoon, I do remember that I begged Mum that we go out and do something "festive." Recalling last year's Cold Stone consumption, I suggested we go there. So we merrily made our way to Arapahoe Crossings where we purchased and consumed ice cream and then dawdled a while in Borders. After being unceremoniously ejected from the store (don't you hate it when the guy on the loudspeaker gives you a million warnings that the store's closing? I mean, what are we doing, we're trying to concentrate on deciding what to buy before the store closes! We don't need some random employee to interrupt us every minute to tell us we'll need to leave soon!) we drove around in the car observing the impressive displays of illegal fireworks. And that was all. But it was still fun. And I was proud of myself for remembering that last year we had watched a movie and eaten ice cream.

My trip looms. I'm a bit concerned about my toe, seeing as how we'll be doing loads of walking and whatever walking I did today (we went shopping) managed to turn it from a tame-looking dark mark near the toenail to the current purple monstrosity.

In other, exciting news, I now have my driver's license. I took the test on Thursday and passed with 95%. Goody, I got an A. Haha. When I got to book club Sara had spelled "CONGRATS" out with popcorn. Lovely warm fuzzies. ^.^ I don't plan on driving anytime soon though.

So I now know how to play four square, and how to climb up on a roof (well, with a bit of help). I saw illegal fireworks (unimpressive ones, unfortunately) and got spit at and got a flower and gave it to the toad statue on Danika's doorstep. I'm kind of sorry I left it, but I'm sure the toad will appreciate it just as much as I did. I got plenty of pictures, most of them bad but some of them respectable. It was nice.

I think I'll start wearing my hair down more now. The best person to make me feel pretty is myself.

wherefore blog?

Lately Eric and such have been ridiculing the idea of weblogging. Although I didn't say anything at the time (either time, actually), I don't think the idea is stupid and his reaction to it rather annoyed me.

Anyway, that doesn't matter. I thought I'd make this entry in order to clarify, for myself mostly, the reasons that I maintain and update a weblog, and why I write what I do in it.

There're the lesser reasons: entertainment, feedback, feeling of belonging in a kind of group, getting out my frustrations. But the biggest reason I record this stuff down is so I don't forget. I have a terrible memory. It's the same reason I'm so camera-happy; I have this need to capture everything so I won't forget. That goes for my friends especially. And that's why I'll sneak pictures of people who don't like having their picture taken. I really want to keep my memories. I'm most scared of forgetting.

If I write down all these insignificant thoughts, all these things I do, and how I feel about them, maybe I can remember. I put in things that only I or a few others will understand in most of my entries; I like it that way. I'm needlessly cryptic and vague because this weblog, these posts, are primarily for me. Not anyone else. But I like putting it online for all the fringe benefits. I get feedback from my friends, I feel like other people can get to know me better, I feel like people WANT to get to know me better. I'm encouraged to update regularly because I do have an audience. In the past, I've had journals but I've never stuck to them, kept them going. I'll look back on them and get all misty-eyed and nostalgic, but then I'll be disappointed to find I stopped writing. There are huge chunks of my life missing. I hate that.

So that, ladies and gentlemen, in case you were wondering (not that I really care if you weren't), is why I keep a weblog.

guilty conscience

current song: ff7 - tifa's theme

I feel bad. I've been putting things off. Like book club. I wanted to go, really wanted to go, but I didn't read. So I was going to go anyway but my parents wanted to go on an errand. This was maybe two hours before the start of book club. So we head to park meadows to visit the Verizon store. Mum's been wanting to switch even before she lost her phone. So we go and we look at the phones we want and Mom asks if we can buy the phones quickly, as we're in a hurry. She says sure. Stupid. Like, an hour later we finally get our phones. It's now around 5:45. I'm already 15 minutes late, and I'm at park meadows. Dad's suggested going out to dinner. I'm quite hungry. So, I decide, I'd rather eat out than come to book club 45 minutes late when I haven't even read the dang book.

Bah. I've been feeling bad about it though. I should apologize to Danika; I told her I'd be there.

There's also the habitat for humanity thing I missed out on. I feel bad about that too. Tennis lessons are a lame excuse. Truth is, I hadn't wanted to that much and I certainly didn't want to enough to force my mum to drive me, yet again, right after she had driven me from tennis, only to drop me off where I wasn't sure I'd find anybody. Besides, I hate fixing things. I'm definitely not a handywoman. Every time we go into the home depot my mom and dad are entertained, whilst I am bored to tears. I try to find soaps or something to occupy myself with. Bah. So, yeah, but Eric's like, "You hate poor people!" and although he was just being his annoying self I did feel bad about it.

Course I'm also putting off a bunch of other stuff too; I'm supposed to write a thank you letter to the sponsor of my scholarship. Oh, man. It sounds like such a pain in the butt. You can't just say "Thank you very much for the lovely monies"; you have to talk about YOURSELF and your future PLANS. Gag me. I bet they don't even care. Well, maybe they do. It is an awful lot of money. Apparently I got the maximum; the award ranges from $1000 - $3000 per year. And I finally figured out why I got a scholarship; apparently it's part of the school of engineering. If you're accepted into the school and an entering freshman, you're eligible for a scholarship. They take your class rank and GPA and SAT scores and such, and if you're good enough you just get money automatically. Well, if you write a thank you note you get the money.

Also, I need to talk to someone to make sure my choice of classes is ok. I think it should fulfill the scholarship's requirements; that's all I really care about. I may take classes in the summer if I feel I'm not getting my degree fast enough.

Bah. I miss my friends. I need to hang out with them or something. Oh, well. At least I have Nikki.

I wonder if I'll be invited to tea again?

On the plus side, my new phone's really cool. I have some nifty ringtones now: one, two, three. Hooray. Number three is my main one, because it starts right away; the other two have a second or so of silence at the beginning. I am quite enamored of all three. And they only cost a quarter apiece!

tea and a movie or two

current song: fountains of wayne - radiation vibe

On Tuesday Ian called me up and I got an official invite to tea. That was awesome. So after tennis yesterday I got some black cloth, white thread, needles, elastic, cardboard, scissors, and duct tape and made myself an eye patch and dagger. Mum drove me to the house, where I had a decent time talking to people and looking at the pirate costumes. The food wasn't bad either, though the crumpets were subpar. May have just been that all the good ones were eaten before I got a crack at them.

So after Greg picked me up and we went to see Around the World in 80 Days, which was interesting, and then to my house to eat frozen pizza and play Halo. It was then that I discovered that my Halo disc contains a demo of Fuzion Frenzy. I can now practice Twisted System to my heart's content. I'll beat you all!

And then at 9 Alex and Sarah picked me up and he drove us to his house. I was quite impressed by the Europe Risk. Then Jon arrived so we all headed off to the theatre. Tickets were received and snacks were bought (my icee overflowed, dammit) and we settled in for the ever-exciting Spiderman 2. Most of those there said they thought it sucked, was lame, etcetera, but I actually kinda liked it. I mean, what were you expecting? It's not supposed to be scientifically accurate (or even close, for that matter). Meh. Oh, well, maybe the only reason I liked it is because I think Tobey Maguire is hot. And 'cause those octopus arms were really cool. I want octopus arms.

So then David drove me home. I am quite thankful to Michael for making his brother take me home instead of going to Winchell's. Everybody was like, "Oh, you should come with! You're already late, what's a few more minutes?" and "Just explain the genius sleep schedule to your dad if he wakes up, and by the time you're done he'll be too confused to do anything." I was especially glad when I reached the front door and realized I had forgotten my keys. Bloody hell. I had to ring the doorbell. And my curfew is now eleven and will probably stay that way until August.

Oh, and, I forgot to ask my mom about going to the movie today, or whatever, so I never got in touch with Sara, so I'm not going. It probably wouldn't be over by 11 anyway.

dance-eriffic

current song: el tango de roxanne

Today is Margaret's birthday, and yesterday was Baylee's. Happy birthdays.

So yesterday was the dance off. It was quite interesting. Here's how my day went:

5:30 AM. Woke up gasping. I have no clue why. What the hell.

7:00 AM. Alarm went off. I remembered the dream I'd been having. Stupid dreams. Lately they've been horrid. After having fallen back asleep, I was woken up by my mom and dad, informing me that I need to get ready for tennis. They then realized that I can't go to tennis, because the maids were coming, rendering my mom unable to leave the house, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna walk home.

8:30 AM. Finished cleaning up my crap and settled in for an AC session with mom.

10:05 AM. Sara called to tell me she's picking me up. I gathered all my stuff and wandered outside to wait. Sara arrived and we drove to Danika's. Sara washed flower petals, and as other people started to arrive we practiced dancing.

1:30 PM. We all got sick of practicing, and by this time Sara's off at work, and so Sarah, Danika, Libby and I go to Ms. Brown's house for some quality movie-watching. We stop by McDonald's for lunch and are later joined by Chaffin (and brother) and Sonia (and boyfriend). We all watched Rocky Horror and I, the only one who had never seen it before (I think) was thoroughly amused. So, it seems, was everyone else. Joy. Sonia and Chris headed off, Sarah went to take a shower, and Chaffin dropped me off at home for dinner eating. I planned on taking a shower but instead spent the entire three hours that I'm at home doing laundry and taking a nap. Then we had turkey dinner. Yum. Then dad drove me to Danika's.

7:15 PM. I get to Danika's, change my shirt, we practice one more time, then go to Kaila's huge ass house for the dancing. Her backyard has gotta be, like, 10 acres or something. Not that I know how big an acre is. I admired the swing set, it was cool. I like swinging, I should do it more often. Only the seats don't fit me cause I'm too wide. Damn kid swings.

10:00 PM. People start threatening to leave without holding the dance off. What the hell? Like, Sara's maybe 10 minutes away and everyone's like, "Oh, I'm going to break curfew! Ohmigod!" Grrr. So the other team (team?) starts while Chaffin's changing and Sara isn't there yet, so they didn't even get to see it.

They started out with a DDR thing... ha. As if. It was so damn lame. Seriously. But it was kind of funny just because it was so lame, and Ian was just randomly jumping around at the end. Then they did some breakdancing stuff. Alex was quite impressive. The cheerleaders went up and did cheerleader moves and made fun of us somehow by wiggling against each other. But I felt bad for Eric because since he was the only guy there I think that's why he got stuck with a lot of the abuse. Taifur stuck a flower (a copy of the original) in his armpit, man. Speaking of Taifur, he was in every frickin' scene. The dance was composed of Taifur and his sidekicks, really. But, dude, Chris and Taifur were twirling around the glowsticks, which was really pretty, and Taifur, Alex, and Chris did some fighting which was quite impressive. And some of the cheerleading moves were nifty. Oh, and the best part was when Ned pulled out his underpants. That actually was really funny.

So Sara finally gets there after they finish and we scramble around getting our costumes on and everything. It was kind of annoying because they kept haranguing us through the whole thing. Some people were really rude. *glare* Well, whatever. Everybody seemed to think the minuet dance was stupid but they liked Tara (of course) and I think when Sara and Libby did their Irish dancing some people started getting impressed. You could just tell because some of the heckling gave way to ... I don't know, impressed noises. Sarah and Danika's was awesome, of course... but apparently one of the milkshakes found its way to Taifur. That's not cool. I don't think he drank any spam though, so it's ok. I liked the tango - it was just so fun to do. But someone called out something, and it wasn't even insulting, but it really bothered me. Struck a nerve, you might say. I should probably spend some quality time away from Bah. It just sucks. But I managed to keep a straight face during the whole thing (w00t) and kept up fairly well during Eric's indian dance. Oh man, it was so awesome. Eric did really well with everything, the geisha too. And then we did Tara's death scene and even though all the rose petals were on one side, I think it worked out, and even though I felt I had to clench my teeth around the glowstick so I couldn't get my mouth all the way open, I think it probably looked awesome. And then we finished with the time warp and a bunch of people laughed. Actually, we got quite a few laughs, it was awesome. That's how you know it was successful.

The juniors (eh, give or take a few kiddoes, they were all juniors) were declared the winners. Whatever. I think we all know who the true winners were. Haha. Eh, I kid. But our team did a really good job and I'm really proud of what we did - and what I did. It's a nice feeling, accomplishing something like that.

Afterwards we took stuff to cars and headed off to Sara's house - it was Danika, Eric, Sara, Libby, me, and the three Chaffins. We watched Sara's video of Abu Dhabi and talked. Danika fell asleep on the couch and the Chaffins left, but Sara and Eric and Libby and I all talked until 4:30 in the morning. It was amazing. And then Eric took Danika and Libby and I home. Libby lives too far away for her own good. And I now have a curfew of 1:00 AM. That works.

moo

August 6 and August 14 look like good nights to see On the Spot. Michelle Miracle, Sarah Kirwin, and Carl Anderson are all good players. I've heard good things about Shelley from my parents. Eric Farone (who owns Bovine) is of course an awesome host, as is Carl Wedell. Though I don't know about this "Rick R" character. *snicker*

i almost love this town when i'm by your side

So tonight, rather than cavorting with my nerdy friends, as I've been doing lately, I went with my parents to see ACE. Best. Improv. Ever. Seriously, they're awesome. The group consists of three people (an American, a Canadian, and an Englishman) and they're just... good. You must all see them. So funny.

Tomorrow I'm hanging out with Greg. It should be fun. If the dance-off group wants me, they'll have to call my cell or something to get ahold of me. Maybe I should advise them of this fact.

A few days ago I got my housing info from Boulder, including the names and mailing addresses of my roommates. One of them lives in Europe or something, maybe on a U.S. military base; her state abbreviation is AE. The other one lives in Broomfield, so nothing too out of the ordinary there. Just another fellow Coloradan.

I think I'm going to give up on the gmail account. Just use it for automated stuff and a website mailing address and my subscriptions to xanga and newsletters and whatnot. It's too difficult to get all my friends to change their address books. And then Justin (Claire's Justin) posted a link on how evil and diabolical google's mail is. Whatever.

I'm too tired to think right now. Bah.

I'm so tired... I haven't slept a wink

Well, Eric hasn't, anyway.

It's been an interesting week. Buffy is gone, so when I returned home (at 12:50 in the am) Kasha let out a solitary disgruntled bark before shuffling off to bed, and my parents were presumably undisturbed.

This is another reason to love the laptop; instead of hogging me mum's computer, I can just type away on my own before I go to bed. And in the comfort of my very own room!

Mosque today was cool. I'm glad I went. It was Sara, Eric, Chaffin, Danika, and I. There was much moving about and praying and such. I liked it, even if I didn't follow it too well. The arabic was very pretty even though I didn't understand it.

Our dance... will be awesome.

Tonight we watched Star Trek VI, supposedly "the best" star trek movie, though I liked IV, and the next gen movies are fun too. Like the one where they go back in time, that's a good one. I like the drunk inventor of warp speed. But it was good. Gotta love Shatner, he's so bad it's good. Just like the libertarian candidate.

Ian gave me a ride home. Props to Ian. And apparently he remembers Melissa Jackson, little sister to my best friend in fifth and sixth grades. She was, apparently, in his same grade. It all makes sense.

Carram board, or however you spell it, is awesome. I must learn how to play it better.

dog from HELL

Hoo boy. Well the layout SHOULD have been changed Monday, but blogger was being a butthole and refused to publish itself. How sad. Eh. If I had been less lazy I would have come on to post something before now anyways.

I've now decided that Sara is awesome. That's right, AWESOME!

I think some of my recent confusion stems from... eh, I dunno, it's just one of those "things" I get. I get restless at times and bored, so I idolize people or situations, and it's just a way to get away from the present. Did that make any sense? No, of course it didn't, why do I even ask. At any rate, I've decided that Greg is cool and I'll call him sometime. We should go see a movie. Fahrenheit 911, perhaps?

Speaking of which, I blame my inability to participate in the movie going festivities on the dog we are currently watching over, Buffy (AKA Evildog). Buffy has been quite an annoyance to our family. I've decided that when I get older, I'm getting a cat. Dammit. A cat.

Buffy, oh lovely doggie that she is, has:

• not eaten her food, making us worry
• sat next to me on the couch, making me uncomfortable
• raided my bathroom garbage for - ewness - dirty pads, strewing them about the house and forcing me to pick up the bloody remains and carry them back to the trashcan (ewewewewew... but it gives me much pleasure to gross you, the reader, out similarly)
• pulled the butter off the table and started eating it
• gotten diarrhea
• peed in the house three times in two different places
• farted up a storm in mom's office upstairs
• tried to mount Kasha

Oh goody. Her owner comes to pick her up tomorrow. I can't wait!

Now don't get me wrong, she's a sweet dog and as bad as she is, she's just a dog, she can't help it if she's evil. But still.